Archive for 2011

Home Archive for 2011

like any normal rainy days accompanied by gloomy clouds, she'd sit

by the window pains n take out her sketch book,listening to her favourite lovesongs. nickelback was on top,definitely,for her list of heartbreak and emo songs.and she was humming along,messing with the earplug cord around her fingers and occasionally stopping to see the raindrops falling to the ground.

she didnt know what exactly she was sketching but her hands were making a rough outline of a squarish mandible.a prominent edged cheek,that would definitely be a man.slowly filling in the facial details, she scrutinized over every inch.demanding perfection in every single stroke.it was not some kinda art project or anything,but something inside her tells her that she needed to make the best possible.

she never felt the urge and push like this before but her adrenaline was flowing and she had to continue.she became more determinant and forced her pencil harder against the paper, almost like theres no tomorrow.the force in her fingers were too strong causing grooves on the paper,from pressing the lead to hard.finally was the eyes.she always drew eyes first in any portrait,cuz frm her perspective the eyes are the window to ones' soul.and everytime she sketches,the eyes would have to come first for her to 'feel' and complete her subject.but this time round,the eyes came last.

it was like,some sort of escapism.or maybe like,saving the best part for last.

as she began sketching the outline, a pair of drowzy-like eyes appeared.they were lazy and half open.and somewhat familiar.like..a pair that she had once crossed eyes with.a pair of eyes that she has seen through,right into the soul.

she rubbed of the rough lines and neatened the outline of her subject.her pencil dropped to the table almost instantly as she slowly recognized the portrait she was so keened and drawing.shiver and chills down her spine but she clenched her fist right on the table.as if to counter all the hatred and pain that suddenly resurfaced within her.she was shaking,real hard.

the portrait lied dead on the table.she dare not touch it as the resemblance was impeccable.she was slightly quivering,angry a bit of why it was that person that she happened to draw. the person who once brought her happiness. who once showed her how to love. and also the person who made her suffer in pain and hatred. that person, who because of him she found hard to trust not only herself,but everyone around her too. that person,who she chose to cut out from her memory,but somehow failed. she felt like screaming out and tearing the paper to pieces but realising it would be useless,she slowly unclenched her fist.

the shutters suddenly opened wide due to the strong winds,and to her avail, the sketch flew away with the wind,before she could even have a chance to grasp the paper in her hands. and so with that,gone was all the memories,all the flashbacks of the past, all the emotions that almost began to drown her deep.all flew away with the wind,hustling through the rain.bittersweet it was.seeing the paper fly far away fading in vicinity, she muttered under her breath; 'i hope you're doing fine out there without me.cause i,am doing so good without you'

wow.like seriously,wow.super-ultra-giga-hyper-wow. (alright,thats over exaggerating)

its been a looong while since i last posted.and its not that i lost my jiwang-ness,or theres nothing to write,or any sort of similar excuse,its just that,i hav all of it accumulated in my head,like an imaginary post floating in my cerebrum.if not,it's in my iPod notes.waiting to be posted at the right time,which,i just cant seem to find. =='

honestly,i can officially say that i am a two month old,first sem student of MBBS in IMU.two months of just the very beginning,yet, a heap of uncertainties and questions are playing hide and seek in my head. papa says that i think too much.bt if it were true,i must be sum kinda genius by now,ryte?dissecting and analysing each fact i learn..well,truth is, i'm not.

i hav'nt found my constant study push yet here so i basically stay at the library.(on certain days,that is==').sigh~ and seeing my sister come home from work (shes in her housemanship) everyday,telling me about her day, crying sometimes, just,is not doing a big favour for me.;(

i mean,i love medicine.i love learning about all these amazing things on anatomy,physiology and so on.i love the fact that one day,my job will be helping people out,easing their pain, making them smile back, and hopefully,to save lives,insyaAllah.

but then, the emotional detachment part..is..HARD.seriously,i cant imagine how,and when will i b able to gain this amazing strength.when??

last week i went to my hospital visit in Hosp PD,and there was a toddler in the ward.i think he was put on sum kinda anaesthesia.and the dr. was trying to inject some medication too but his little cry was so loud.not the normal cry you hear when a kid is groaning n stumping their feet when they're not happy.but this is a cry of pain, a cry full of agony, a cry that weeps and reaches deep inside of you.a cry of discomfort, and a cry of scare.it was a cry calling for help from a helpless little soul.i couldnt see what was happening cuz i was in the next room having a briefing with the staff nurse,but i heard the cry just as loud.and my face changed;i felt this uneasiness inside of me.that visceral pain,coming from my chest. i was clenching my fists hard on the sides of my labcoat.my friend who was on the other end could tell something was wrong and was asking me if i was okay.

truth is, that cry scared me.it brought me thinking to the fact that i will be surrounded by this sort of condition every single day. i HATE seeing pple i love in pain.i HATE seeing pple i love crying.i HATE seeing my friends unhappy and troubled. and now, i just learnt a new fact about me; being that i can barely tolerate seeing people suffering.seeing it right in front of yr eyes.

and one night,my sis was telling me about her patient.who was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer,how her husband cried upon the discovery,and how her kids did not know a thing.Whats so worryingly severe abt stage 4 is,is that it has metastasized.which means that the cancerous cell or tumor has broken off to pieces and are dislodged in various other sites around the body,to stay there,and grow again.

I listened to her story and just kept silent.truthfully,I was on d verge of goin all teary-eyed.there was a warm lump at d back of my throat that wouldn't go away eventho I swallowed hard.

Now,all I can say is,I can't imagine how,I will ever be able to encounter these situations.how to break the news, n how to face the bitter truth;of life and death.

I just can't think abt it anymore now.im exhausted and i know it'll just consume me if i do.

The only thing I hold on to now is pure faith.that Allah has paved this path for me,and that I should go through it wholeheartedly with an open mind,with Islam in my heart,and insyaAllah everything will just fall into place.

evrytime i get too messed up,I talk to god,I pour out evrythg to Him.and alhamdulillah,just at the right times,He sends me angels on earth.just when i was demotivated,having a bad day, one of my close/bestfriend,gave me a ring, heard me out and he too helped:).and my other angels on earth,my friends who make me feel that we are all in the same boat.and alhamdulillah,the best is when people in my life keep reminding me of Him and His power.alhamdulillah,with that,i genuinely can feel 'innallaha ma'ana'.

Alhamdulillah,ya rabb:) please giv me courage,please give me strength,please giv me hidayah in encountering my days as ibadah.amin.

sometimes it lasts in love,but sometimes it hurts instead.

Adele - someone like you.

heartbreak.i guess everyones been thru it.be it the lost of someone they love, being betrayed by someone they love, not being able to achieve something they love, or simply . . .falling out of love.heartbreaks are personal and to different people, the meaning also differs.

basically, i'd say its this pain you'd feel inside your heart.not heartburns,but its just like this daggerish-sharp, burning feeling you feel raping your insides.anatomically, you cant say where the pain actually is,but since the heart is the centre and core of the whole human body, it tends to be named so after. sure,i've had heartbreaks.one too many in fact.heartbreak from a bad relationship,heartbreak from a breakup,heartbreak from a friend, heartbreak when i dont achieve something i've worked for, heartbreak when smthg i want is so close in my grasp,yet soo far away...

but honestly, all the pain felt makes me blessed to be human.its a blessing.i'd say heartbreaks are blessings in disguise.

i've put a strong front. maybe i've built a wall. i taught myself to be oblivious so never again i'll get hurt. it's cause i cant afford to get hurt anymore.and i dont want to cuz its not worth it.thats why i turned deaf to all the whispers.thats why i say 'its not true' when in fact is more truth i can ever express.that's why everytime i feel this fuzzy feeling surfacing i push it away, and when i have butterflies in my stomach when i see this person, i look away.

ignorance is bliss people say,and now it has grown into denial which has slowly become my shield.

but now, i dont think i'm seeing it that way anymore :)

heartbreak is just a natural human feeling.if u're ever to encounter it again,just embrace it.just SAVOUR it. everything happens for a reason.

being mentally prepared and ready for the worst is one thing, but knowing whether u'll survive again or not, will remain still as a question.

but braving against the odds and taking ur chances will really, surprise you. :)

22nd August marks my first day as an official IMU student. i got my embroidered medical labcoat, got my portfolio and schedule and had my ID picture taken(which would turnout horrible,i bet).well,i already hav a plan to stick a hamtaro sticker on my ID to hide my hideous pic -.-'

we'll have three weeks of orientation,including the 7day raya break and so far,1 week is done. it's nice to be in a place where u can make medical jokes and people get them and wont think u're some kinda weirdo geek or smthg.haha.come daytime, we had all sorts of briefin possible n by nite time the orientation slot with seniors begins.the slots ended late, so most of the time i can only sleep by 1.30 a.m.

This was a picture of my first lecture in IMU.the prof was real fast like jumping from cardio to gastrointestinal system in 5 seconds.n he was blabbering about how some people hav their heart situated on the right hand side due to 'embryonic origins'.by the time he showed an x-ray slide of a penile fracture,i was more than confirmed it was BIG TIME FIBBING.Penile fracture,huh? =.=' hahahahaha.seniors prank, what a way to welcome the juniors.nevertheless,i wont hesitate to say the orienteering committee was awesommeeeee despite their explicitness. ;p

perhimpunan in front of IMU, driveway ;) aftr treasure hunt

they had treasure hunt the 2nd nite and i guarantee you,this was no normal noob treasure hunt.it started off with a video teaser (video teaser just for treasure hunt?come on lah, kottt:D) showing that we needed to find clues in order to solve and cure x211,an epidemic abt to spread in IMU. the whole IMU building was dark and the escalators were stopped. and to add to the eerie-ness, they had a crew spraying fog,giving a more mystical vibe n horror feel! the pbl rooms sorta turned into a ghost house and i must say,this was the first that kinda scared me(a bit). but the higlight of the night would surely be the historical moment when i discovered that i actually had skin contact with an amphibian;a dead frog with its stomach dangling,to be exact...was in the grip of my palms for about 10 mins (mayb?). n more interestingly, i discovered only cause i was curious. after the game was over ,and when i was allowed to take off my blindfolds, i immediately asked my teammate what was it that i had in my hands.i remembered him saying; 'you really want to know?'

how i wish i never knew.how i wish i would just say no and feel blessed that i was blindfolded and be ignorantly blissed. *-* too baddddd

The few people i instantly clicked and felt like family would have to be my orientation group,group 3 yeahhh *insert enthu tone here.our group has one of the best names ever:

TRI-0-SOME.

LMAO.trust me,u wouldnt want to know how our cheer goes. the flag; was majestically epic!

*faces were blurred due to doctors confidentiality pledge.LOLL ;p

my orienteering officers of seniors from sem2 sem3 sem4 and even sem5 was the bestest!!!caring,cool,awesom,enthu (new slang for enthusiastic), dirty(in a good way, i tink), cute, thoughtful, kind, adorable, funnehh,resourceful, selfless, FUN,to some it all up, they're TERBAEKK lahh! :)

my view from 14th floor,vista komanwel B2, second last unit on the left hand side :)(:

to tell you the truth, i'm more than thankful to Allah that i managed to secure a place in IMU.even so,i feel intimidated, scared and gerun, when i see how packd my timetable will be which just sends a shock of revelation that i am a medic student, i am in medschool.

the people here are all smartypants, brilliant brained and super geniuses.aaaaaaaaaaah ><

my journey is still long, and there'll be more hurdles along the way.i hope i can do my best and dont get drifted away. for once again, i'd like to be the best, too.insyaAllah.

i pray that i can carry my roles and fulfill my responsibilities to the fullest and at the same time realise how beautiful life is.amin ya robbal alamin.

see that blue glow? thats my uni.=) stadium is at the back. (this feels really surreal!)

alhamdulillah, Allah the Greatest :)

therefore,i would like to end this entry with this;

my life as a alevels student has ended.thank god!!><

random conversation between two malay women and their chineese male mechanic,who is driving them to a mall as part of the pick-up/send home policy of the servicing agent shop.

malay woman 1-A

malay woman 2- B

chinese male mechanic- C

C : so nak pergi mahkota parade ah?

A : yes please.u tau itu tempat kan?

C : ya ya taw.

B : nanti kreta sudah siap service u boleh call eh?thank you tolong hantar kita..sbab u taw kan, takkanla u nak suruh kita duduk situ saja tunggu 2 jam lebih kan..

C : ya..no problem. u dua2 maw buat apa?jumpa sama boy friend ahh?

A & B : (serentak) No no no no.No lah.where got boyfriend. *gibberish +mumbling in denial tone

C : ya ke?boleh percaya ke sama lu dua?lu cantik2 mana bole talak (slang for takde) boyfriend punya.lu taw, masa u masuk itu office service tadi semua orang tengok sama dua taw.

A& B : tipulah u.maw amik hati kitorg je kan.haha

C :saya talak tipu punya,cakap betul. lu dua adik bradik ka?umur brapa?

A& B : yea.umur....cuba u teka..

C : (after short pause) u 20, yg blakg ni 21..btol tak?

A : aiyaa.btol la betol.u teka umur saya 20.exactly.tp umur kakak saya u teka salah.die manyak tua dr sy la.4 tahun..

B : yeay.yess yess.saya nampak muda to u!

C : tapi actually aa,nampak dekat2 saje..(pulls off car at the road curb) ok,suda sampai.

A : nanti bila dah siap u give us a call ok?eh.kjap,u takda our number lagi rite..kjap eh,i write down for u...nah. so nanti siap,just call us eh...thanx~

C : aiyya.u pcaya ke bagi nombor sama saya?

B : kenapa tak percaya pulak..nanti u nak call siapa kalau itu kreta servis sudah siap..

A :betol2.percaya!

C : u tak takot saya amik save nombor u ke?u percaya saya?

B : percaya la..u kan orang baik..hehe

C : haihh.saya pun tak percaya sama diri saya..

A&B : . . . . (*terkedu. slowly moves out of car and pretends not to hear the last line.)

this post, was not intended to be racist / target any race-specific issues in malaysia.

its just a funny dialogue between a chinese guy flirting with two malay girls. which to me,is one of the beauty of Malaysia.AHAHAH. =.='

seriously, this is like one level up than those cat calls and kissing/hamster sounds malay guys make in their attempt to 'FLIRT'. pfffffft~

a shot from a stall in mahkota parade;those captions are too adorable@-@

i thought all girls akan automatically gasps and feel this 'ooh-aah' warm fuzzy feeling when they meet cute babies.or toddlers.(n perkara y sama waktu dengannya). i know i do.i get excited and'ololo comeynye' when i see baby clothes,dresses and headgears for girls. everytime i see those little babycrocs or any baby shoes i feel like snatching one and turning them into keychains or phone charms. whatsmore when i see live babies yg comel.ouh geram!

i always have the urge to grab one of these and turn them into keychains :3 C-O-M-E-L

i always tell my sister 'i tanak kawin lagi tapi i nak anak sendiri' then she'll give me this look.haha.i know.it sounds soooo wrong. but,i do adore babies.when we were in europe all d babies looked like miniature barbies, i only watched them from far,smile,wave and maen2 ciku-chak cuz im afraid their parents will think im sum kinda paedophile or creep yang playing with their children.believe me,not everyone likes their children being touched by random people on d street.

major cute baby alert!: walking mini baby doll :3

being the youngest, and when people ask 'nak adik takkk?' i'll answer with an annoyed smile with a big fat no.yeah.memang,i dont want a little brother/ sister cuz i enjoy being the youngest,to a certain extent.anyways, the only chances i get to hang out with babies (lol at that sentence skejap) is when i balik kampung.since i dont have any nephews or nieces,i'll always layan all my lil cousins, anak cousins, and anak2 tetamu yg datang ke rumah.pathetic kan? T.T

since i never got the chance to jaga any babies like spanjang all my life & 19++ yrs of living, last week was a major achievement.i always never had the courage to hold newborn babies cuz they're so floppy and i have this image that when i hold them i'll mess up with their bones or somehow cause their posture to be distorted.but,last week,i naturally held on to my little baby cousin.anak cousin to be exact.we have the same name, fatin!!! everytime i acah2 and talk to this lil baby she'll smile.oh em geee,comellllll.gaaah.it feels so good when you hold the baby and make them smile.and also, that was the first time ever that i lullabied a baby right to sleep. baby fatin slept on my lap. i also learnt a wonderful trick to make them sleep by my eva-wonderful mommy; usap telinga,those baby ears with ur fingers and u can see those baby eyes getting sleepy and ralik.subhanallah! omg!gram! ok dahh.this is the second where i tell myself to snap out of it.><

talking about lil kids, my lil cousin imran is super spoilt!he's the king of the house,at age three.-.-' what imran wants,imran gets.sighhh.but hes just too adorable to resist.his hobby is to silat in front of me, play angry birds on his daddy's phone, wrestle with ultraman, and change outfits 5 times a day.the first hour he'll be wearing cargo pants, the next u'll see him in jeans and smart shirt.haihh.imran imran.

baby imran; who can resist that whole dose of C-U-T-E!?

so when i got home and told my mom bout how spoilt imran was my mum sneered at me!and my sister joins in teasing me too.apart from the fact that i hold the award for the loudest screamer/cry-baby ('sampai satu taman kenal fathin nabilah yang nangis' bak kata mama) there are a few interesting behaviours of the old me that i could not believe.

my mum told me that,if my mum gives a kiss to someone else,e.g; another baby,i'd sulk all day long.then i'd ask my mom to 'buang balik' the kiss.so she'd have to physically move her hands, grab the invisble kiss on her mouth and do the throw-it-to-the-ground-gesture. and that was the zaman when flying kisses were popular, so when my mum catches a flying kiss,e.g from my sister, i'd yell to her to throw it as in ; 'buang balik,buang balik kiss tu!!' oh god.teruk gile p.h.d i mase kecik2. :0

then my sister told me how she remembers so well when i would cry every time amy mastura came on screen.why?cuz she has the same name like my mom; mastura. so i'd yell 'mama,kenapa orang tu amik nama mama?suruh dia buang balik.tu nama mama!' =__________='

obviously i dont remember any of this.so next time i intend to say or even think about how spoilt a child is,i'd stop and compare it to the junior me first. hah.

date :29th June 2011, 10:21

location : window seat,ETS train to batu gajah

I hate goodbyes.never been good at it.to me,parting is an understandable routine.I do seem to cope very well.but heck, saying farewell to me is like pulling thorns out of your throat.and there's always this lump of (phlegm?) that u can feel barely hiding behind your epiglottis.I've survived a couple of goodbyes,but I just hate them all the more.so,I like to keep it simple,short,so it won't feel at all like a goodbye.

Yesterday marks d graduation of my 730 days in intec and kolej akasia.that goodbye was easy.honestly,to me the two years was close to hell.truthfully,there were still some memorable moments and a bunch of wonderful people I've met along my journey here.most important,this phase and place taught me a LOT.I can literally feel myself maturing,growing up.sort of slowly ongoing the transition from my teen years to adolescence (I'm 20 but I ain't old yet ahahh!!)

The roughest goodbye is with one of my gaffixs sisters.people call us twins sometimes for the fact that we behave the same;our speech, movement and expressions(definitely not physically cuz there's a STARK difference.HAHA)

Practically I've known this wonderful lady half of my whole life.that'll be 10 years precisely.we grew up together.discussed stuff together,developed differences together, compete against each other, support one another, and probably know each other like no one else does.from classmates,to tablemates, to debate team partner, groupmates in almost all d other non-academic activities and the last two years as college mates;surviving together,leaning on each other in this new world none of us are familiar with. We do get head to head with each other at times and of course there were moments we disagreed with one another, but usually,it's only cuz we're worried.and all the time,we'll just get on like nothing happened.there's this beauty of our sisterhood that only me and her can understand,and nothing can change that.

Lol.cant help to lol a lil cuz this pakcik beside me is so concentrating on this Tom and Jerry movie they're showin on d train sampai tenganga2 mulut!LOL! xD

Ok.back to main story.so last Monday we spent an entire evening together.shopping at empire,crowd gazing,cam whoring dekat serai while sharin pavlova for two was so sweet!sampai I takut d people there will ingat were a lesbo couple.haha!tp heck,do I look like I care.I dun have much time with my soulsista here so hampa nak cakap apa2 cakap pi lah!

till 10.30 we got back at college and lepak-ed at the gazebo till 1.am I think,sharing a triple choc soft cookie and talking bout everything under the sun.(or Mayb under d moon in dis case).even though we were no longer classmates,and only get to meet each other in weekends, this latenight chat with her made me feel like I never missed out on anything.pretty,simple and sweet.so,to break out the emo moments and sad mood,I picked a few wild flowers by the grass,and twisted them round till both of us had a no-money-can-buy-ring-Cayalah! :)

Nextday,sunway yang tersayang menjadi pilihan hati;p shoot tros to our favorite stores.lol,I dunno when I'll find anther friend yang like the same thing I do,shopping,food, music,naseb bek when it comes to guys our taste is like complete opposite,pheww!;) then,today jugak,our wish to try out fullhouse since end of 1st sem lg tercapai,yeah!the drink and food wasn't all that great,but having the moment spent with my soulsista,made it magical than evah.Huehue.sempat lagi usha abag Chinese yg perfect Malay accent tuh xtahan.lol.

Again,during our grad dinners we weren't sharing the same table,bt it was okay.tday though was hard.we went to sek 17 to buy her ticket than back to akasia,took my computer back from repair and then I had to shoot off to bangi. No lunch no elaborate parting just a short simple sweet hug. Just the way I like it.

Even though our time abroad won't sync I'm sure sgt3 sure we'll meet up again somehow,and very soon too. :)

Seperti biase I'm very jiwang (acecehh) but I'll let u read it when the time comes eh?hehhe.

xoxo. Thank you from the tip of my xseberapa septum,for everything and every second.please accept my sincerest apology for everything yeah! I <3 u bebehhh!xnak sappy2 dah nanti org dalam train will think I'm having sum kinda of breakdown or smthg :/

This isn't the end,it's just the beginning of a new chapter.hopefully a brighter one :)

Insya-Allah.

its not dusty here. its mouldy and infested with spore-bourne fungi :0

that, was a simple understatement to how long i havnt been posting here.(forgive the CRAPPINESS) how on earth can i keep up a diary if i cant write in it constantly/ periodically.-.-'

well since we did not have a stable wifi connection during our 14 day eurotrip,not to mention the fact that the only way for me to access the internet was thru my ipod, keeping uptodate and posting a new entry was VERY difficult.plus, we walked all day long so by the time we arrived back to our hostelroom,we'd be tooo flat and have just enough ounces of energy to cleanup,pray and drag ourselves to bed.nevertheless, it was total awesomeness:).alhamdulillah,it was a perfect bonding time wif my sis aftr 6 years apart.

this was my escapade.from everything.my perfect escapade.:)

its been more than 2 weeks since i set foot back in malaysia, but still; i just managed to upload pictures of the first stop of the eurotrip.and,this is the first post to date.sigh. tis sux mannnnn. :/

i hate it when i cant meet my own expectations.haha.who doesnt kan?

as soon as we got back to melaka,i had to show my sister around,and like always get all the chores done;pay the bills, get stuff, survey this survey that.last week was my first long distance drive (without dad's supervision) from melaka to kl and back.got lost in kl making our way to cheras for like 2-hours.phewwwww.stressfull gile!

a lot happened.really.but its just like i cant be bothered to jot it all down.i was never good with keeping diaries.but,heck, i'll try hard this time.

most of all; i miss my soulsistas real bad now.i miss our k.b house too.i miss the whole kelantan-vibe, the language,the food, the people and those familiar streets where i loved to speed.hehe.half my life in penang, and another half in kelantan.so,its logicla that i miss it this much.biaq pi la org nak cakap i'm a mek kelantan (whatsoever), i <3 kelate.haha.since when did this post turn into a pro-kelantan one?haha.

alryte, lets run away from this mushy sadsad vibe and lemme end this post with a totally unrelated but jaw-gawkingly true statement :

shopping in europe during the summer sales equals to extreme ecstatic euphoria.haaa,amek hang!

anddddd,im still not over my little not-so-celebrity crush.:D

goodbye blogggie.sorry i'll have to abandon you again; for this weekend, is time for sum strict extended-family qualitytime in kedah pulak!

shooting off to kedah tomorrow morning.toodles!

Haha.tajuk berstar intended to give the element of suspense.anywayyy,its been ages since i last posted..

so. i just finished my last paper for a levels today.and i refuse to comment bout it any further. -.-

whyyyyy?cuz i juz feel like blurting out everything and making no sense.okay,valid enough for me.

going back to the main title, i have a big C on sumone.heeeheeee *muke miang*. a very big one.and usually when i have crushes,i ignore it.honest.cuz i know its never gonna work and i am sorta wayy too shy to start off anything first. and when i start to ignore them,they become temporary. they only work out at times when i really fight for what i want.haha.that was really unnecessary O.o

so in this case, my crush is sumone who doesnt even know my existence.i think.

but it keeps haunting me back bcuz :

-he's amazing,and oozes out charisma!i've never seen a typical malay guy quite like him.becuz i usually choose to stay away.kot.

-my friends say i should masuk line(?) siap kate baik meminang cepat2 before org laen amek .(apakah?)

-i sumhow magically have an amazing informer, who stalks my crush and keeps me updated.eventhough i NEVER ask for it.and this informer gives me constant encouragement that i should try. walaww

- i hav a friend of a friend who is the cousin of my subject of current admiration; who is more than willing to 'ngejah'. hahahahaurmmmn.

so its no use if i just post a picture of my crush here cuz i think its pretty obvious who.and if i post it my crush might get deeper?

oh god. crazy posts come out if ure just freakin bored,or maybe just because.

someday,when i grow up.i'll look back at this and laugh my heads off. xD

*one more less reasons to palpitate,now that one not-so-secret is out . :D

pitcha taken at kinokuniya klcc.the words are partially me,kut?haha.

cuz lately even the slightest things make my hear beat like crazy, like; before masuk exam, if i see someone i DONT wanna see, if i left/lost sthg, when im driving and a motor/ car comes out of nowhere and i just missed it by inches.i was never like this before does this happen to other pple too? :(

#1- how to deal with selfish people

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Deal-With-Selfish-People?&id=5267248

best quote: "They(these selfish people) know that they're difficult and won't respect you if you pretend they aren't. If you have a sense of humor, use it. Everyone loves to laugh. But keep the interaction short and sweet."

#2-how to deal with impossible people

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People

best quote: "Be the opposite of them: a possible person."

#3-how to deal with people you hate?

HATERS!

reasons people want to prove they're better than you,(when you just cant see the point, and you dont see how it can benefit them);

1-its one of their insecurities.you never know kan?they mustve felt threatened by you or somewhat.

2- they are definitely jealous.thats why they TRY to show you that they have something better.

3-in their creepy world, the ideal planet would be a place of people full like them.thats why they cant simply be more considerate instead.

4-theres a probability they dropped their heads once when they were babies.dropped so hard that they lost their common humane sense of being considerate and not impossible to other people.

5- someone treated them like that once;monkey see,monkey do! so thats why they're just looking for a vent to repay it back to some innocent soul.

6-its their hobby.kinda like how a sociopath( meaning;someone who has disregards for the rights of others) scribbles on the wall at how many times he/she made someone miserable,these people who want to prove they're better then you actually feel they gain a point in a game evrytime they manage to do so.

7-MAOA. excessive monoamine oxidase can disrupt the level of dopamines in your brain,thus interrupting normal chemical communication in the neurones. HAHA. :3

8- its the best they can do to make them feel better. therapy;is a word with extensive defintions,including those of the sociopath's

9-why people want to prove they're better than you? cuz THEY ARE JUST__________. (feel free to fill in the blanks with your own descriptive words)

inconsiderate people; lets just think they're there too keep the world at a balance.(?) *positive thinking*

idahrawna.

i bet if i dont translate the sentence i typed above, a lot of pple would still b able to decipher the code. :)

hes a cool dude.but,thats not number 1.most importantly, he's aware of his roots, and very much take to heart, of his duties as a muslim; to dakwah, 'spread love, and spread islam', as qouted by him himself.i've seen his first few clips, i think he wasnt THAT popular back then, but still, his videos catches my attention.eventho,that time his camcorder/ recording device is not as clear as now, i still liked his style. plus, hats down, thumbs ups to his loghat utagha. i think its adorable. heuheu~ astaghfirullahalazim.

the reason im writing this, is not to promote him or anything of the likes. Well, he barely needs any promotion now; d guys got his own domain name, and a email domain too!named after him. 0-0 thats like :wow.i dont think mahathir has his own emaildomain name. xD

this dude is legend...wait for it..dary! haha!

why he became so popular?here are a few suggested answers :

(cheh.cam markingscheme lah plak.lame binti noob -____-)

#1- his English

He's a tesl student, and he speaks english so dem well!not like those wannabees e.g: 'why you dont want to friend me?' type.haha. i rarely hear him mess up his tenses, and his speech comes out flowing,spontaneous, and very authentic.though, he does remind me of kevjumba sometimes,cuma, the malaysian version ^^ mnyejukkan telinga. and i might add, better too!

#2- his writings

i discovered his new blog abt a week ago, and the stuff he pens down was nothing near jibberish. he always chooses an issue, always something worth discussing,and then ,like, gives it a 360 spin, changing the way you'll view things, and again, his english is perfect.his writing style is one of a kind and engaging,not the typicalblogtype slang you see often now. his old blogspot site was worth a read too, but thats the more..literature-artsy side of him i think..there were a few entries,short stories to be exact, snd i admit i was hooked on to them. *-*

#3 -his style

the way he edits his videos, menyejukkan mata telinga hidung dahi.haha ok forgivemefortalkingnonsense. :|

and he himself:cool.selamba. relax.mata like a cross between dreamy and i-cant-b-bothered type.basketball hat,i think thats his favourite accessory and sometimes kaen pelikat!haha.i've always loved guys in baju melayu, and now he's making me think kaen pelikat is awesome too.gahahaha. *coughs*

plus,this dude has some serious authentic pure original (you may insert more words to accentuate my statement) sense of humor! cool and funny yaww!

but my number one reason why i salute this dude is:

---->his niat.and the messages he tries to portray.

when i first saw his vids, i walslike..okay.cam, not that noob, he's kinda funny, and he knows how to edit video and audio to make it interesting..but one thing i notice was how he tries to include advice, or pesanan, spiritually,i mean like yg ad kaitan dengan agama. like tazkirah..kot?

an entertaining, fun, eyecatching, and mind juggling tazkirah. and lately, he's been updating more too, sometimes sharing links on interesting articles, and reciting hadis in his vids.

to be frank, i'm impressed. so, this guy here,instead of doing acoustic covers or lypsinc/miming to songs or acting all goofy and making parodies, he chooses to utilise his free time to berdakwah..and to know that, ade lagi malay boys like him, kinda relieves me in a way,menyejukkan hati [haha.for d 3rd time] alhamdulillah. :)

so, whos he? do i need to spell it out,evryone knows dah pun. lol.

salutes to you, inianwarhadi, barakallahufika.

sejuk hati [4th time mentioning dat word] parents yang dapat anak like him..your parents must've brought you up real well to become the man you are now.

this is his latest vid.pengisian yang mantoppp.teehee.and i dunnoe if its just me, but his eyes are shining and gleaming cam mata spongebob :0

notetoSELF: kalau orang lain boleh buat,awk bile lagi cik adik oi?berdakwah tu tanggungjawab,sampaikanlah ilmu/ ajaran islam walau sepatah kata pun..

Dan hendaklah ada di antara kamu satu puak yang menyeru (berdakwah) kepada kebajikan (mengembangkan Islam) dan menyuruh berbuat segala perkara yang baik, serta melarang daripada segala yang salah (buruk dan keji) dan mereka yang bersifat demikian ialah orang-orang yang berjaya.(Ali-‘Imran: 104)

subhanallah,ya rabb, ihdinassirotol mustaqeem~

fathinnabilahabdulrashid,this is a reminder for you.

monday morning,10.30 a.m., i braced myself for the fact that today, i might have around 700-1000 rm flying out of my bank account (cuz i never have that much money in my pocket -.-) happily to some tauke's hand.

with a fullfledged sense of acceptance, redha and pasrah, i took my car to E.D kedai tayar dan battery.

i was REALLY relieved cuz d guy said it'd be 160 per tyre,so like around, rm640 la.YEAY!

pada waktu akhir sem yang sengkek ni, 360 makes a REAL difference. :]

*gamba xleh besaq lagi ka?* =="

goodyear tire x4 = rm640

and then tiba2 mamat tu cakap; 'ini aa,lu kene buat sekali itu alignment balancing.pasang baru munya taya mesti maw ini punya.oh, campur lagi duapuluh linggit a, maw kasi itu tayar tube,bole aa miss?'

uhh.k.fine.papelah.semua demi kebaikan tayar.i sanggup buat!

alignment + balancing =rm 20

tire tube x4 = rm 20

and then, after i went home so that i wont have to linger at d tyre shop for one hour++, i received a phone call.jeng jeng jeng.........

die cakap tire camber saya senget.so saye kene tukar.so bertambahlah lagi KA CHINGG yang akan flying without wings T_____T

ohh and then ad add on value meal lagi.haha.(im merepeking :3) my absorber pecah.pecah?I dont know how i couldve manage to pecahkan my shock absorber.tahniah fathin nabilah.tahniah atah dahi mung!

camber caster x2 +shock absorber rear x2= 290

n den,puas2 dia pekena.xtually x puas lg.die suruh tukar battery cuz according to his dialogue and descriptions; "ini lu punya battery aa,bile maw start, dia ad eeehkk eehhhkk"

pekebenda lah ehkk ehkk tu pun ak tataw. huhu.baeklah apek,do wht u need to do.wht u got to do.so that my car will b peacefully blissed.(and my wallet will silently cry)

automotive battery x1=RM 160

so,adding all that up,plus discount sini sana, it was all rm 1130.macam major service!but thank god i drive a small car, if i drive a bmw x6, im sure maintainence like this would cost arnd rm5k!haha.so,bersyukurlah and be grateful that you dont drive a bmw x6 (padahal nak sedapkn hati je.)

like normal, dkat counter is ahmoi..no longer apek.so senyum2 mintak kurang lagi price x jalan brader! haha.as if i senyum kt apek pun id going to make any diff.so this lady, xnak jugak bagi less so finally, she gave me a shell helix face towel.

so,if u trase nak vogue gune face towel rm1k xpayah g susah payah usha website dior/ chanel /watev yg seangkatan, pergilah kedai tayar.LAME-O SUPREMO.

xtually kan.i dunno why i get real sentimental when i hav to take out huge sums of money from my acc.alhamdulillah, ade papa untuk bayarkan.yeay papa!my hero :D

i luv u papa.heheh.

note to self: jaga kereta elok2. :]

inilah hasilnya:leme cam + photoshop sukahati -.- tapiiii papa tatapp hemmsemm :D

happy birthday, papa!

my papa is 15 years young (?!) haha but i love him more and more.hes more handsome than evaahhh!!

cuz u know what?i'll never get tired of ur lame jokes and d way u will instinctively move your feet to brake the car whenever i'm driving! (:

although the surprise dinner plan didnt work out as well due to sudden complications, i hope we made you happy~

papa,you're my hero and ALWAYS will be my number 1 man. you're my idol, my strength, my inner courage and everfaithful supporter(esp economically,LOL)

i think i resemble you a lot,and everytime you look at me and say that sometimes i'm exactly like you,i cant help but to feel proud! yeayy!

so,it turned out a pretty planned posh dinner-just turned into makan2 at posh rumah:

-baskin robbins ice cream cake

-modified english bread and butter pudding (i put in nuts instead of sultanas in order to celebrate you!)

and

-peanut butter tart;a first timer's try-but mama said it was okay.so...hurmn.u ate it anyways kan?;p

tie polka dot + baju belang: papa, the new trendsetter.

i was putting on my tudung dat time and we were in a rush,tgok2 he's all dressed up like this.x sampai hati nak tego.heuheu~ bt i'm glad u were so happy with the tie! ^^

my birthday present was a last minute one; but it almost took all day! just a simple polka dot polo tie.SIMPLE? haha.round satu aeon jusco to find the perfect tie. with your old tie in hand,the ONLY one you wear from day to day basis, i went frantic in search of a tie with the same length, width, and resemblance in every inch.sampai all the salesgirls were like '.....apakah?'.haha.ikut pi la depa nak kata apa; 'knapa la budak ni bwak tie berbulu and pi ukuq2,ish peghak betoiii' (okay,dorg x exactly say that,its just my inner conscience x| besides, mai mana plak org melaka cakap slang utaghaaa.pergggh) hahaha.

dahla lepaih tu nak bawak ice cream cake baskin robbin tu bukan maen susah. kakak hak duk juai tu pon buat sombong tuuudiaaaa! ghasa nak lempang sbuteq tapi hati buat besabaq je la demi bli ice cream cake kat papa.dah sampai waktu order siap,nak pi ambik cake,depa kata dry ais habih pulak.aihhh,dekat nak naek angen dah cheq depa habaq lagu tu.dah la x habaq awai2.lpaih tu,cheq tanya bila nak buleh tunggu dry ice,depa kata minggu depan sampai =_____= aduih.skali lagi tangan ni beghasa nak mlayang jaa.tapi takpa.cheq tekad jugak nak bawak cake tuh.masa kita nak cepat laa timbui macam2 masalah.dengan traffic light nya, dengan jamnya, dengan gheta sini sana potong cheq nya...tgok2 cake tu ada cayaq sikit.tapi seb baek papa tak pghasan! hihi.

there you go.satu perenngan kut bahsa utaghaaa in tribute to u papa ^^ terer tak terer tak adik?;p padahal i think da becampur baur dgn loghat kelantan dah ni.hatoiiiii T_T

so finally; exactly at 12 a.m., we sang you and celebrated as a family!walopon sorang tu juz thru skype.lol.

papa,saranghamnida!saenghilchukka hamnida!

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