Its not always just butterflies,cinnamon and spice, and everything nice.
Because sometimes you just get shook of  so strong, and being pulled back into reality, feet firm on the ground once again.(after being swept of the ground fr several times)
that its just,not everything nice all the time.
The world isn't a wish granting factory. and so those magical moments?they dont last forever.

well.maybe if you hold on to a memory, they do.that is,before it begins to fade.

i'm not being pessimistic. but i'm a skeptic at certain things. for example, i dont watch korean dramas, because they're too sweet/cute and those kinda happenings dont just happen in real life. like those chic flick movies too.
for a second, i thought i changed from being skeptic, to actually thinking these things really do happen. because i have lived part of those moments as proof. turns out things are refuting it back.especially after today.

So here's back to being skeptical to safeguard my heart. *glass clink.

When i was younger, i used to be scared everytime i laughed too much, there was bound to be a session of crying following it. and throughout the years it faded,i presume. but now i feel its coming back.like whenever i'm feeling ecstatic, happy, magical, i just have to hold on to this thought that i glue/drill permanently at the back of my head, that some day, it will turn into its opposite, or some day it will just vanish. Just like when u are sitting in your comfort zone, and you just know at the level of comfort you are, something will just come from the back and bite you, in the most unexpected ways.

Just like Karma.what goes around, comes around.
simple,right?
Rule of physics,newton's law also says that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

so the dunnya, or earthly matters are just temporary.now that, you must never forget.
open your eyes, ears, and heart to the reminders all around you. they come in every form, sometimes right down to that very particle of air you breathe.

and while i was listening to john mayer, that seems to make perfect sense;heres what i'd like to remember;

Hello old friend. hello familiarity.
hello there again after such a long time, my dear silent sanctuary.

its been more than 365days since i last poured my heart out here, since i last let my rage run free or plant words of sweetness revolving around things happening in my life.i havnt forgotten your existence, no. but sometimes i've been just too overwhelmed with emotions that i keep staring blankly at the screen.

Dusty it is.and as i scroll down my past writings, i'll have many weird facial expressions and 'girl-what-were-you-thinking' moments. Yes, i admit. some of my posts are downright humiliating, lame, superficially-bimbo ish,typical, nerdy, soo emotional and just many more adjectives i would think is appropriate if i just keep it to myslef(as in my monologue). Anyways, those reasons should never put me off writing.i miss writing.i miss letting my fingers dance here on this very keyboard, typing nonsensical paragraphs of words, that sometimes somehow brings a smile to my face when i reread it. And it just doesnt matter how lame or not, because whatever i write here will be just like a photograph. a moment, captured in time.
a touch of nostalgia, and a hint of emotions bounded by my very own words.

Well, just to keep this going strong, reasons you SHOULD NOT stop expressing (i'm talking to myself here);
#1-nobody ever reads this (constantly enough) except you.and prolly your kids one day, when u have to scroll back here to dig out stories to tell them.
#2- you write for the pleasure of yourself. to release your thoughts. freely.uncontained.
#3-you're gonna thank urself one day later, kiddo.
#4-no.nobody is gonna use this to blackmail you.
#5-do what you love.with passion and purpose.
#6-having paragraphs written,somewhere, is better than just letting it linger in your head.
#7-capture your moments. be it through photography, or plain words. dont let them get away, unremembered because they are too precious.
#8-heres a small piece of your sanctuary. make it count.make it alive.

and as i finish of this post, i still shake my head in utter disbelief of my incoherent-ness and lame-ness.oh well but heck who cares? mwahhaha!


so, 17 months to be exact.of silence from expressing myself here. so much has changed. so much has happened. too many life lessons learnt, and a lot of eye-opening realizations uncovered. a turmoil of emotions strapped onto my roller-coaster of life.
lets recall.and write them out one by one, shall we? its never too late after all.

So heres a toast to writing, again. *swings a fresh french-toast piece of bread in the air*
okay.i know.my sense of humor can be just so lame sometimes -.-"

Looking forward to spill here soon!