To my complete stranger,

'it gets easier, trust me' 'it'll all be worth it soon'

Its not always just butterflies,cinnamon and spice, and everything nice.
Because sometimes you just get shook of  so strong, and being pulled back into reality, feet firm on the ground once again.(after being swept of the ground fr several times)
that its just,not everything nice all the time.
The world isn't a wish granting factory. and so those magical moments?they dont last forever.

well.maybe if you hold on to a memory, they do.that is,before it begins to fade.

i'm not being pessimistic. but i'm a skeptic at certain things. for example, i dont watch korean dramas, because they're too sweet/cute and those kinda happenings dont just happen in real life. like those chic flick movies too.
for a second, i thought i changed from being skeptic, to actually thinking these things really do happen. because i have lived part of those moments as proof. turns out things are refuting it back.especially after today.

So here's back to being skeptical to safeguard my heart. *glass clink.

When i was younger, i used to be scared everytime i laughed too much, there was bound to be a session of crying following it. and throughout the years it faded,i presume. but now i feel its coming back.like whenever i'm feeling ecstatic, happy, magical, i just have to hold on to this thought that i glue/drill permanently at the back of my head, that some day, it will turn into its opposite, or some day it will just vanish. Just like when u are sitting in your comfort zone, and you just know at the level of comfort you are, something will just come from the back and bite you, in the most unexpected ways.

Just like Karma.what goes around, comes around.
simple,right?
Rule of physics,newton's law also says that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

so the dunnya, or earthly matters are just temporary.now that, you must never forget.
open your eyes, ears, and heart to the reminders all around you. they come in every form, sometimes right down to that very particle of air you breathe.

and while i was listening to john mayer, that seems to make perfect sense;heres what i'd like to remember;

Hello old friend. hello familiarity.
hello there again after such a long time, my dear silent sanctuary.

its been more than 365days since i last poured my heart out here, since i last let my rage run free or plant words of sweetness revolving around things happening in my life.i havnt forgotten your existence, no. but sometimes i've been just too overwhelmed with emotions that i keep staring blankly at the screen.

Dusty it is.and as i scroll down my past writings, i'll have many weird facial expressions and 'girl-what-were-you-thinking' moments. Yes, i admit. some of my posts are downright humiliating, lame, superficially-bimbo ish,typical, nerdy, soo emotional and just many more adjectives i would think is appropriate if i just keep it to myslef(as in my monologue). Anyways, those reasons should never put me off writing.i miss writing.i miss letting my fingers dance here on this very keyboard, typing nonsensical paragraphs of words, that sometimes somehow brings a smile to my face when i reread it. And it just doesnt matter how lame or not, because whatever i write here will be just like a photograph. a moment, captured in time.
a touch of nostalgia, and a hint of emotions bounded by my very own words.

Well, just to keep this going strong, reasons you SHOULD NOT stop expressing (i'm talking to myself here);
#1-nobody ever reads this (constantly enough) except you.and prolly your kids one day, when u have to scroll back here to dig out stories to tell them.
#2- you write for the pleasure of yourself. to release your thoughts. freely.uncontained.
#3-you're gonna thank urself one day later, kiddo.
#4-no.nobody is gonna use this to blackmail you.
#5-do what you love.with passion and purpose.
#6-having paragraphs written,somewhere, is better than just letting it linger in your head.
#7-capture your moments. be it through photography, or plain words. dont let them get away, unremembered because they are too precious.
#8-heres a small piece of your sanctuary. make it count.make it alive.

and as i finish of this post, i still shake my head in utter disbelief of my incoherent-ness and lame-ness.oh well but heck who cares? mwahhaha!


so, 17 months to be exact.of silence from expressing myself here. so much has changed. so much has happened. too many life lessons learnt, and a lot of eye-opening realizations uncovered. a turmoil of emotions strapped onto my roller-coaster of life.
lets recall.and write them out one by one, shall we? its never too late after all.

So heres a toast to writing, again. *swings a fresh french-toast piece of bread in the air*
okay.i know.my sense of humor can be just so lame sometimes -.-"

Looking forward to spill here soon!

here i go again.come back to the place i pour it out,when words are my bittersweet escape.one of the best ways i let it all out.written words that is..cuz i've always had a problem with spoken words.with uncovering myself,and letting people come close to me.letting people know the real me.You should know i never trust people easily.and those who know who i really am should consider themselves as being very preseverent and lucky (or really very unfortunate,maybe) to be able to see me through. i'm not sayin i'm a stuck-up snob..i dont choose who i open up to, but it just happens.

test market

no.i wont be predicting the rise and fall of stocks.no wall-street related topic here.sorry to disappoint you if that was what lead you here.
but,this is the most suitable clause that i cn use.
simplest translation ; mencuba pasaran?

okay.i think this is smthg #soMalaysian..therefore,i might have to use malaysian terms.
test market is simply acts done by,especially guys, in order to see how 'hot stuff' they are,and whether whey can woo girls or not.in malay,basically its..

1~ using 'weird' emoticons in chat.
weird-like sappy emoticons are:heartss,i love you, and kisssmack icons.
so,you've been totally easy, open and really on 'justfriends' terms with this guy, totally no hints from either parties. then he starts doing this weird things when u chat/text/communicate.and then mula lah say, 'ehh..i tsilap tekan butang' 'eh, apa i buat ni' 'eh, tersilap panggil sayang pulak' when theres no response / discouraging response. epic fail,dude. EPIC FAIL.period.

2~ boleh saya jadi abang angkat awak?
believe me, it ALL starts with abang agkat.they go under the mask,pretending as a caring,loving 'abg agkat' only waiting to lure you into their traps. thus the sentence up here,is off limits.major alert for a guy yang nak test market..

3~saying those three words,out of the blue.
i love you,is not meant to be said all the time,to everyone and anyone,however and wherever you like,dude!if you keep on,then it'll just be like any simple hi and bye.tolong lah faham!preserve the sacredness of it.say it,mean it, and feel it.
so when u're textg/chatting w someone n they suddenly type out i love you in a kidding manner, it's just to test market. man up lah,wahai lelaki.if you want to confess, do it like a man.be straight.be clear. and dont mess up a girls mind will you?sorry. terlebih emo when it comes to these 3 words cuz i think the true meaning of it is lost now.:S

4~Compliments. like way,overboard, mengorat punya compliments.
'why do you have to be so pretty?' 'you have beautiful eyes' 'sy rase awk cantiklah'
can you sense any sincerity in those.forgive me for being skeptic but; big FAT no. :P

5~cat calls.bird calls.mouse calls.
whatever they call it; is simply the lowest class technique mengorat that can ever exist.so, random guys will be standing, and upon seeing a pretty girl, they'll make these mice sounds.i think they're actually trying to make a sort of kissing sound, but its just too buruk that it sounds like a mouse finding its way in a longkang.and i guess these are done by the ones who dont know how to whistle, and hence they choose the mice sound.whistles or what i name as bird call,eventhough its not exactly a chirp, is 0.00005 level above the irritating mice sound,because the latter is just disgustingly offensive. :|

6~ bukak tingkap kereta trying to say hi to you.'
okay.creepy ryte?this happened to me once to the extent that he actually followed me for about 15 minutes and i had to speed and get in between other cars so that he'll lose me and wont be driving next to me while flashing that creepy grin.creepy yaww!
>< other than that, theres instances where the guy actually tempts to race you, he drives at par w you,moving at the same speed, and then hits the accelerator paddle to roar the engine,as if saying 'hye awak.jom race.' sambil displaying an annoying smirk on his face. sigh. macam2.*-*

so these are the normal 'test market' techniques favoured by most guys in malaysia.(that i can think of as of now) Feels like im doin some kinda research report. ahahaha.lol.
message to all jejakas out there;honestly, guys, if you like someone, why dont you just tell her in a normal,gentlemen, polite-ish, non offensive way?
and this question is yet to be answered.

done ranting for today.cheers! ^^

like any normal rainy days accompanied by gloomy clouds, she'd sit