never.a.boring.story

Showing posts with label academics. Show all posts

wow.like seriously,wow.super-ultra-giga-hyper-wow. (alright,thats over exaggerating)

its been a looong while since i last posted.and its not that i lost my jiwang-ness,or theres nothing to write,or any sort of similar excuse,its just that,i hav all of it accumulated in my head,like an imaginary post floating in my cerebrum.if not,it's in my iPod notes.waiting to be posted at the right time,which,i just cant seem to find. =='

honestly,i can officially say that i am a two month old,first sem student of MBBS in IMU.two months of just the very beginning,yet, a heap of uncertainties and questions are playing hide and seek in my head. papa says that i think too much.bt if it were true,i must be sum kinda genius by now,ryte?dissecting and analysing each fact i learn..well,truth is, i'm not.

i hav'nt found my constant study push yet here so i basically stay at the library.(on certain days,that is==').sigh~ and seeing my sister come home from work (shes in her housemanship) everyday,telling me about her day, crying sometimes, just,is not doing a big favour for me.;(

i mean,i love medicine.i love learning about all these amazing things on anatomy,physiology and so on.i love the fact that one day,my job will be helping people out,easing their pain, making them smile back, and hopefully,to save lives,insyaAllah.

but then, the emotional detachment part..is..HARD.seriously,i cant imagine how,and when will i b able to gain this amazing strength.when??

last week i went to my hospital visit in Hosp PD,and there was a toddler in the ward.i think he was put on sum kinda anaesthesia.and the dr. was trying to inject some medication too but his little cry was so loud.not the normal cry you hear when a kid is groaning n stumping their feet when they're not happy.but this is a cry of pain, a cry full of agony, a cry that weeps and reaches deep inside of you.a cry of discomfort, and a cry of scare.it was a cry calling for help from a helpless little soul.i couldnt see what was happening cuz i was in the next room having a briefing with the staff nurse,but i heard the cry just as loud.and my face changed;i felt this uneasiness inside of me.that visceral pain,coming from my chest. i was clenching my fists hard on the sides of my labcoat.my friend who was on the other end could tell something was wrong and was asking me if i was okay.

truth is, that cry scared me.it brought me thinking to the fact that i will be surrounded by this sort of condition every single day. i HATE seeing pple i love in pain.i HATE seeing pple i love crying.i HATE seeing my friends unhappy and troubled. and now, i just learnt a new fact about me; being that i can barely tolerate seeing people suffering.seeing it right in front of yr eyes.

and one night,my sis was telling me about her patient.who was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer,how her husband cried upon the discovery,and how her kids did not know a thing.Whats so worryingly severe abt stage 4 is,is that it has metastasized.which means that the cancerous cell or tumor has broken off to pieces and are dislodged in various other sites around the body,to stay there,and grow again.

I listened to her story and just kept silent.truthfully,I was on d verge of goin all teary-eyed.there was a warm lump at d back of my throat that wouldn't go away eventho I swallowed hard.

Now,all I can say is,I can't imagine how,I will ever be able to encounter these situations.how to break the news, n how to face the bitter truth;of life and death.

I just can't think abt it anymore now.im exhausted and i know it'll just consume me if i do.

The only thing I hold on to now is pure faith.that Allah has paved this path for me,and that I should go through it wholeheartedly with an open mind,with Islam in my heart,and insyaAllah everything will just fall into place.

evrytime i get too messed up,I talk to god,I pour out evrythg to Him.and alhamdulillah,just at the right times,He sends me angels on earth.just when i was demotivated,having a bad day, one of my close/bestfriend,gave me a ring, heard me out and he too helped:).and my other angels on earth,my friends who make me feel that we are all in the same boat.and alhamdulillah,the best is when people in my life keep reminding me of Him and His power.alhamdulillah,with that,i genuinely can feel 'innallaha ma'ana'.

Alhamdulillah,ya rabb:) please giv me courage,please give me strength,please giv me hidayah in encountering my days as ibadah.amin.

WOHOOOOOOOOO.err.what was that for?

nothink.i just felt dat it was SOO long,and i slightly feel like i've been muted.

why?#1)unit 6 report #2)a-levels #3)no good connection/laptop crash #4)-#10) repeat #2

sigh. and yeah,my interview.IMU interview.

honestly?i just dunno what to say.i felt that it went well,up until i discovered my interviewer was Prof. Victor Lim(cuz he introduced himself as prof lim,and i was to nervous/bedebo to bother back in the intvw room). whos he?nahh.hes no specialYB whatsoev ..he's just the Executive Dean Faculty of Medicine and Health Sciences IMU. !!!!!!#!$!!!! *long breaths*

huh. again,it felt okay when i was in the room, when i got back, and when i heard my frens talking abt their sessions, it made me more anxious. and made me feel like i was less better,inferior,not good/not impressive enough to both Prof Lim n Dr. Shiba (if i'm not mistaken)

and it sounds like my colleagues are waaaay better than me.it just..feels that way.

honestly, the amount of anxiety,agitation and restlessness in me now can topple down mt everest.

basically, it started off with me talking bout myself (haha.sounds so superficially plastiquee -.-)

then we chatted on bla bla bla. then suddenly he asks me to pick a controversial issue.cuz,in the beginning i told him,i'm not into politics =-=

so my controversial issue was stereotyping,mainly doctors;in the context of housemen and specialists towards the young ones.

then bla bla bla.then it continued on to stereotyping with AIDS patients. then the crytical thinking question was:

i) in malaysia at one time, treatment for AIDS was expensive.so,the govt only gave free treatment to those children who cont AIDS from their mothers or those STD.drug addicts,were'nt given treatment.what do u think abt it?

~so i told them what i thought.and they werent provoking.!!that makes me more worried!!

ii) another condition,a dr. wants to carry out bypass on his patients,but on one condition:the patient promises to stop smoking.If the patient does not do so, he will not do it.You think this is justified?

~smthg like that la.and i didnt think they tried to change my stand :( tatoooot.

so,then,it ended.oh,and sumwhere in between, i remembered recommending them sakae sushi and tellin them that sushi king's rice will only fall apart everytime you take a bite.

like....whaaaaaaaatttt??????

you, are telling u're interviewers,that sakae sushi is good,in an interview to go into medschool? *slapslapslap*

gosh.huh.

now i'm getting this burning feeling in my chest again.and im crapping.

huh.like how many times have i huh-ed today?okay,lets stop.sigh~

all i can do now is just tawakkal.put my full faith and trust in HIM, for HE knows best.my only weapons are my prayers now.i cant change the past nor rewind time..

ya Allah,please fortify this weak being of yours, give her strength.

ya rabb,only to You, i turn to.only to You i weep and beg.

to all others who are about to sit fer the intvw,gud luck mate~

ALEVELssssss!!

okay.punch me.punch me now.

subhanallah.

honestly,this week has been frustrating-period-

registration for our new semester was on monday,but i arrived late at the office and so i had to wait for the next day.next day came,and i got a warning letter.reason being: not doing room clearance.Its these 'procedural' things you have to do each end of semester.Apparantly,leaving ur stuff in the room and not reporting yourself to the pejabat is a felony here.You go up there just to say "encik,saya nak balik dah,jumpe lagi.bye" ??.padahal its the same old room we'll come back to pun.huh.pfffft.pape lah pple~

2nd day of the week,tuesday we had academic briefing.like normal lah.oh wait.it WASNT like normal.we had to carry plastic chairs to the hall.then sit in the path pple walk to stage.then rearrange,stand up in front of the whole hall.carry chairs to front,and......okay.stop.alryte,i should stop wining.=_=during the academic briefing, i learnt that half of the IMU students were set to fasttrack.which means,instead of spending 4 endless smester in intec,they'll be only doing 3.somehow,JPA changed their mind.JPA just so decided to stop doing this fast track thing in my year and decided oh-so-gayly to continue again for the juniors. sorry.sedikit emo disitu.=.=

after that discouraging point,i went upstage to talk to mam rita.about our individual investigation.apparantly, she STRONGLY disagrees with the idea of students doing it at labs outside campus.i reasoned out my points and she said it wont be fair.final word: "okay,see me tomorrow at 4.my room.you and amirah".after politely saying thankyou,i sunk in my broken ship again.whtever that is~

wednesday,we got most of our papers back.results.my paper?my result?i dare not speak it out.major S.(note; s can tand for any word that has or brings about the same meaning as s*ck)MAJOR.with my horrendous results in mind, i waited till 4pm to meet mam rita,our head of program.10 minutes early,did not do any good cuz there was a solid que of students already,all waiting too see her.there was like a kedai kopi already,outside her office.

4.30 pm sharp.no sign of her.i was so nervous that she'd keep stern and force us to do it in intec.using only the resources there.GOSHHH!i spent a week ++ doing the trials.and that was only trials.i dug up DIRT in search of bacteria.i stained my hands with iodine and safranin. my sisters labcoat that was creme colour turned into an abstract of black smudges.i stood for hours diluting 75 solutions. i put up with the horrible smell of raw nutrient agar and bacteria [which i hate so much] for a whole week!PROOF:

bayangkan,weigh metals for all the test tubes,manually.

making sure everything was clean,contamination free,before i do a whole new set of dilutions.

if you can see those little stickers on all 75 test tubes;it was cut them and labled manually.handwitten.by me.

i took the whole evening to do this.only this.

and this,was the total mess of that evening.note,only one evening.

it's not that i'm complaining but intec does lack some lab tools and apparatus.and i must say, in that lab of ours, the sterile level, might only be 0.1%.

my bacteria babies are all back there waiting for me.what am i to do!and my fren kept saying "what if tak boleh?", "what if mam rita,tak bagi?" psycho kau!mcm nak gile that agonizing hour!

i texted papa,gathered my strentgh and put all my faith in Allah.tawakkal.du'a.

and to keep myself calm and composed i just remembered this.

"fa inna ma'al 'usri yusra.inna ma'al 'usri yusra" alhamdulillah.tenang sikit after reciting it in my heart,eyes closed,hands fisted, i head to mam rita's room when she finally signalled us to come in.

She was real busy,and those sharp piercing looks she threw at us when we were standing outside her room was most discouraging.i just smiled as we entered and clenched my hands tighter.

"lets just put it this way", she started. oh no,i thought.if a sentence starts like that it always ends with a No.or something you would'nt want.

but,

Alhamdulillah, berkat my papa's du'a.she finally agreed to give us the permission,on one condition;we must send in written statements we did the experiment ourselves.

alhamdulillah.syukur ya Allah.

at least thats one load off my mind.

"for indeed with hardship will be ease"

"indeed,with hardship will be ease"

IELTS.alryte.thts not what it actually stands for.the abbreviation is for International English Language Testing System.all intec students goin overseas or doin ausmat are required to take it as it is certified worldwide.

well,our batch had our exams last 2 weeks.one three-hour-marathon of listening-reading-writing, and another session for speaking which occupied two consecutive weekends of our sem3 lives.finally, 8th october came.the day the results were to be announced. we were having biology class.but i think no one could fix their attention on the board already.our minds and hearts were only focused towards our ielts results.my classmates were jumping over joy, some got 7,7.5,band 8..in my head, i was like, ‘7.5,7.5please oh god.at least, 7’.i was texting my mther.i didnt check till the very last minute.

and then, the last message made me cry. urgh.gler malu.i hope no one saw.my table mate, hana obviously did though.she was like ‘menyampah nye budak ni.tak check lg pun da nak nangis.i’m sure u’ll do fine lah!’ all my other classmates pun said i’ll do fine.

so finally, i asked my friend to type in my ID and rgstration number on that britishcouncil.gov page. “fathin, congrats!u got band __point__”

syukur alhamdulillah.though i was reluctant to believe it was true,it was.;}syukur.syukur ya Allah.so to those who’ll be takin their IELTS, i suggest u dont take it THAT lightly;

-do some modules, exercises.at least.

-you should listen real careful and really concentrate on the listning part.recordings wont be replayed and the accents can get pretty tricky.careful with symbols and capitalization, one mistake there and your answer will be considered wrong :0

-reading requires thorough understanding.i recommend doing other parts first and the yes,no,not given section,the last. this might need you to read the passage and digest it,a few times. underline sentences which match statements you chose to answer yes and no,just to show that you have proof for ur decision.doing this helps me a lot.

-writing. i only got band 7 for this component.hah.never seem to hit it right.thankfully this time round, task 2 wasnt argumentative or discussive.more onto cause and effect.study well for this part bcuz our lecturers always stress on formats,formats, formats! remember, read the question and answer EVERY single thing stated in it.

for argumentative essays, first introduction paragraph should have ur thesis statement.this is based on the question.paraphrase it, cuz you cant rewrite wht is given.state ur stand in the last line,whether you agree or not.

then,move to prgrph 2: point nmbr 1,pargrph 3: point nmber 2, paragraph 4: opponents' view & refutation.

eg: some might think that blogging is a waste of time.Reason being, it causes addiction, is a major source of language pollution, and is a total invasion of privacy. I totally disagree with all this because blogging keeps u motivated to write and is a channel supporting freedom of speech. Language pollution only happens if the writers choose not to discipline themselves. Addiction, is only a problem to those who do not comprehend the meaning of restriction and time management.

bold text 1, is the opponents view.followed by reasons why they think so.bold text 2 is the refutation, along with points and elaboration.

discussion, involves discussing both views equally.not being lopsided on any halves.our lecturer always reminds us to clearly state the thesis statement which does not have any clear stand,unlike argumentatve.and closing paragraph might be your suggestion, conclusion or summary, followed by your stand. i never could write well, cuz im so used to just write my heart out, taking no consideration of formats and thought organization: BAD.

-speaking. its easy,as questions are more on thoughts and opinions.not too focused on current issues or anythg that requires sharp analytical skills.tips ; dont talk too fast, smile a lot, please,make sense when you talk.use the two minutes you have to prepare for your topic card by writing points you wish to elaborate. You can pause but not for long.pandai2 lah cover :P whatever you blurt out,be confident.like ‘man, i know wht i’m talking about and no one can stop me’. [thumbs up for positive attitude.AHAH!]i think thats about it.

any questions on enquiries feel free to contact the writer.if you buy her a cuppa hazelnut coffee, theres a greater chance she’ll reply and give you the answer you’re looking for*laugh out loud*=)

cheers!