never.a.boring.story

test market

2011-11-19T01:53:00.000-08:00

test market

no.i wont be predicting the rise and fall of stocks.no wall-street related topic here.sorry to disappoint you if that was what lead you here.
but,this is the most suitable clause that i cn use.
simplest translation ; mencuba pasaran?

okay.i think this is smthg #soMalaysian..therefore,i might have to use malaysian terms.
test market is simply acts done by,especially guys, in order to see how 'hot stuff' they are,and whether whey can woo girls or not.in malay,basically its..

1~ using 'weird' emoticons in chat.
weird-like sappy emoticons are:heartss,i love you, and kisssmack icons.
so,you've been totally easy, open and really on 'justfriends' terms with this guy, totally no hints from either parties. then he starts doing this weird things when u chat/text/communicate.and then mula lah say, 'ehh..i tsilap tekan butang' 'eh, apa i buat ni' 'eh, tersilap panggil sayang pulak' when theres no response / discouraging response. epic fail,dude. EPIC FAIL.period.

2~ boleh saya jadi abang angkat awak?
believe me, it ALL starts with abang agkat.they go under the mask,pretending as a caring,loving 'abg agkat' only waiting to lure you into their traps. thus the sentence up here,is off limits.major alert for a guy yang nak test market..

3~saying those three words,out of the blue.
i love you,is not meant to be said all the time,to everyone and anyone,however and wherever you like,dude!if you keep on,then it'll just be like any simple hi and bye.tolong lah faham!preserve the sacredness of it.say it,mean it, and feel it.
so when u're textg/chatting w someone n they suddenly type out i love you in a kidding manner, it's just to test market. man up lah,wahai lelaki.if you want to confess, do it like a man.be straight.be clear. and dont mess up a girls mind will you?sorry. terlebih emo when it comes to these 3 words cuz i think the true meaning of it is lost now.:S

4~Compliments. like way,overboard, mengorat punya compliments.
'why do you have to be so pretty?' 'you have beautiful eyes' 'sy rase awk cantiklah'
can you sense any sincerity in those.forgive me for being skeptic but; big FAT no. :P

5~cat calls.bird calls.mouse calls.
whatever they call it; is simply the lowest class technique mengorat that can ever exist.so, random guys will be standing, and upon seeing a pretty girl, they'll make these mice sounds.i think they're actually trying to make a sort of kissing sound, but its just too buruk that it sounds like a mouse finding its way in a longkang.and i guess these are done by the ones who dont know how to whistle, and hence they choose the mice sound.whistles or what i name as bird call,eventhough its not exactly a chirp, is 0.00005 level above the irritating mice sound,because the latter is just disgustingly offensive. :|

6~ bukak tingkap kereta trying to say hi to you.'
okay.creepy ryte?this happened to me once to the extent that he actually followed me for about 15 minutes and i had to speed and get in between other cars so that he'll lose me and wont be driving next to me while flashing that creepy grin.creepy yaww!
>< other than that, theres instances where the guy actually tempts to race you, he drives at par w you,moving at the same speed, and then hits the accelerator paddle to roar the engine,as if saying 'hye awak.jom race.' sambil displaying an annoying smirk on his face. sigh. macam2.*-*

so these are the normal 'test market' techniques favoured by most guys in malaysia.(that i can think of as of now) Feels like im doin some kinda research report. ahahaha.lol.
message to all jejakas out there;honestly, guys, if you like someone, why dont you just tell her in a normal,gentlemen, polite-ish, non offensive way?
and this question is yet to be answered.

done ranting for today.cheers! ^^

Resurgence

2011-10-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

like any normal rainy days accompanied by gloomy clouds, she'd sit

by the window pains n take out her sketch book,listening to her favourite lovesongs. nickelback was on top,definitely,for her list of heartbreak and emo songs.and she was humming along,messing with the earplug cord around her fingers and occasionally stopping to see the raindrops falling to the ground.

she didnt know what exactly she was sketching but her hands were making a rough outline of a squarish mandible.a prominent edged cheek,that would definitely be a man.slowly filling in the facial details, she scrutinized over every inch.demanding perfection in every single stroke.it was not some kinda art project or anything,but something inside her tells her that she needed to make the best possible.

she never felt the urge and push like this before but her adrenaline was flowing and she had to continue.she became more determinant and forced her pencil harder against the paper, almost like theres no tomorrow.the force in her fingers were too strong causing grooves on the paper,from pressing the lead to hard.finally was the eyes.she always drew eyes first in any portrait,cuz frm her perspective the eyes are the window to ones' soul.and everytime she sketches,the eyes would have to come first for her to 'feel' and complete her subject.but this time round,the eyes came last.

it was like,some sort of escapism.or maybe like,saving the best part for last.

as she began sketching the outline, a pair of drowzy-like eyes appeared.they were lazy and half open.and somewhat familiar.like..a pair that she had once crossed eyes with.a pair of eyes that she has seen through,right into the soul.

she rubbed of the rough lines and neatened the outline of her subject.her pencil dropped to the table almost instantly as she slowly recognized the portrait she was so keened and drawing.shiver and chills down her spine but she clenched her fist right on the table.as if to counter all the hatred and pain that suddenly resurfaced within her.she was shaking,real hard.

the portrait lied dead on the table.she dare not touch it as the resemblance was impeccable.she was slightly quivering,angry a bit of why it was that person that she happened to draw. the person who once brought her happiness. who once showed her how to love. and also the person who made her suffer in pain and hatred. that person, who because of him she found hard to trust not only herself,but everyone around her too. that person,who she chose to cut out from her memory,but somehow failed. she felt like screaming out and tearing the paper to pieces but realising it would be useless,she slowly unclenched her fist.

the shutters suddenly opened wide due to the strong winds,and to her avail, the sketch flew away with the wind,before she could even have a chance to grasp the paper in her hands. and so with that,gone was all the memories,all the flashbacks of the past, all the emotions that almost began to drown her deep.all flew away with the wind,hustling through the rain.bittersweet it was.seeing the paper fly far away fading in vicinity, she muttered under her breath; 'i hope you're doing fine out there without me.cause i,am doing so good without you'

Detachment.

2011-10-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

wow.like seriously,wow.super-ultra-giga-hyper-wow. (alright,thats over exaggerating)

its been a looong while since i last posted.and its not that i lost my jiwang-ness,or theres nothing to write,or any sort of similar excuse,its just that,i hav all of it accumulated in my head,like an imaginary post floating in my cerebrum.if not,it's in my iPod notes.waiting to be posted at the right time,which,i just cant seem to find. =='

honestly,i can officially say that i am a two month old,first sem student of MBBS in IMU.two months of just the very beginning,yet, a heap of uncertainties and questions are playing hide and seek in my head. papa says that i think too much.bt if it were true,i must be sum kinda genius by now,ryte?dissecting and analysing each fact i learn..well,truth is, i'm not.

i hav'nt found my constant study push yet here so i basically stay at the library.(on certain days,that is==').sigh~ and seeing my sister come home from work (shes in her housemanship) everyday,telling me about her day, crying sometimes, just,is not doing a big favour for me.;(

i mean,i love medicine.i love learning about all these amazing things on anatomy,physiology and so on.i love the fact that one day,my job will be helping people out,easing their pain, making them smile back, and hopefully,to save lives,insyaAllah.

but then, the emotional detachment part..is..HARD.seriously,i cant imagine how,and when will i b able to gain this amazing strength.when??

last week i went to my hospital visit in Hosp PD,and there was a toddler in the ward.i think he was put on sum kinda anaesthesia.and the dr. was trying to inject some medication too but his little cry was so loud.not the normal cry you hear when a kid is groaning n stumping their feet when they're not happy.but this is a cry of pain, a cry full of agony, a cry that weeps and reaches deep inside of you.a cry of discomfort, and a cry of scare.it was a cry calling for help from a helpless little soul.i couldnt see what was happening cuz i was in the next room having a briefing with the staff nurse,but i heard the cry just as loud.and my face changed;i felt this uneasiness inside of me.that visceral pain,coming from my chest. i was clenching my fists hard on the sides of my labcoat.my friend who was on the other end could tell something was wrong and was asking me if i was okay.

truth is, that cry scared me.it brought me thinking to the fact that i will be surrounded by this sort of condition every single day. i HATE seeing pple i love in pain.i HATE seeing pple i love crying.i HATE seeing my friends unhappy and troubled. and now, i just learnt a new fact about me; being that i can barely tolerate seeing people suffering.seeing it right in front of yr eyes.

and one night,my sis was telling me about her patient.who was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer,how her husband cried upon the discovery,and how her kids did not know a thing.Whats so worryingly severe abt stage 4 is,is that it has metastasized.which means that the cancerous cell or tumor has broken off to pieces and are dislodged in various other sites around the body,to stay there,and grow again.

I listened to her story and just kept silent.truthfully,I was on d verge of goin all teary-eyed.there was a warm lump at d back of my throat that wouldn't go away eventho I swallowed hard.

Now,all I can say is,I can't imagine how,I will ever be able to encounter these situations.how to break the news, n how to face the bitter truth;of life and death.

I just can't think abt it anymore now.im exhausted and i know it'll just consume me if i do.

The only thing I hold on to now is pure faith.that Allah has paved this path for me,and that I should go through it wholeheartedly with an open mind,with Islam in my heart,and insyaAllah everything will just fall into place.

evrytime i get too messed up,I talk to god,I pour out evrythg to Him.and alhamdulillah,just at the right times,He sends me angels on earth.just when i was demotivated,having a bad day, one of my close/bestfriend,gave me a ring, heard me out and he too helped:).and my other angels on earth,my friends who make me feel that we are all in the same boat.and alhamdulillah,the best is when people in my life keep reminding me of Him and His power.alhamdulillah,with that,i genuinely can feel 'innallaha ma'ana'.

Alhamdulillah,ya rabb:) please giv me courage,please give me strength,please giv me hidayah in encountering my days as ibadah.amin.

again.

2011-09-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes it lasts in love,but sometimes it hurts instead.

Adele - someone like you.

heartbreak.i guess everyones been thru it.be it the lost of someone they love, being betrayed by someone they love, not being able to achieve something they love, or simply . . .falling out of love.heartbreaks are personal and to different people, the meaning also differs.

basically, i'd say its this pain you'd feel inside your heart.not heartburns,but its just like this daggerish-sharp, burning feeling you feel raping your insides.anatomically, you cant say where the pain actually is,but since the heart is the centre and core of the whole human body, it tends to be named so after. sure,i've had heartbreaks.one too many in fact.heartbreak from a bad relationship,heartbreak from a breakup,heartbreak from a friend, heartbreak when i dont achieve something i've worked for, heartbreak when smthg i want is so close in my grasp,yet soo far away...

but honestly, all the pain felt makes me blessed to be human.its a blessing.i'd say heartbreaks are blessings in disguise.

i've put a strong front. maybe i've built a wall. i taught myself to be oblivious so never again i'll get hurt. it's cause i cant afford to get hurt anymore.and i dont want to cuz its not worth it.thats why i turned deaf to all the whispers.thats why i say 'its not true' when in fact is more truth i can ever express.that's why everytime i feel this fuzzy feeling surfacing i push it away, and when i have butterflies in my stomach when i see this person, i look away.

ignorance is bliss people say,and now it has grown into denial which has slowly become my shield.

but now, i dont think i'm seeing it that way anymore :)

heartbreak is just a natural human feeling.if u're ever to encounter it again,just embrace it.just SAVOUR it. everything happens for a reason.

being mentally prepared and ready for the worst is one thing, but knowing whether u'll survive again or not, will remain still as a question.

but braving against the odds and taking ur chances will really, surprise you. :)

new chapter,new beginning

2011-08-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

22nd August marks my first day as an official IMU student. i got my embroidered medical labcoat, got my portfolio and schedule and had my ID picture taken(which would turnout horrible,i bet).well,i already hav a plan to stick a hamtaro sticker on my ID to hide my hideous pic -.-'

we'll have three weeks of orientation,including the 7day raya break and so far,1 week is done. it's nice to be in a place where u can make medical jokes and people get them and wont think u're some kinda weirdo geek or smthg.haha.come daytime, we had all sorts of briefin possible n by nite time the orientation slot with seniors begins.the slots ended late, so most of the time i can only sleep by 1.30 a.m.

This was a picture of my first lecture in IMU.the prof was real fast like jumping from cardio to gastrointestinal system in 5 seconds.n he was blabbering about how some people hav their heart situated on the right hand side due to 'embryonic origins'.by the time he showed an x-ray slide of a penile fracture,i was more than confirmed it was BIG TIME FIBBING.Penile fracture,huh? =.=' hahahahaha.seniors prank, what a way to welcome the juniors.nevertheless,i wont hesitate to say the orienteering committee was awesommeeeee despite their explicitness. ;p

perhimpunan in front of IMU, driveway ;) aftr treasure hunt

they had treasure hunt the 2nd nite and i guarantee you,this was no normal noob treasure hunt.it started off with a video teaser (video teaser just for treasure hunt?come on lah, kottt:D) showing that we needed to find clues in order to solve and cure x211,an epidemic abt to spread in IMU. the whole IMU building was dark and the escalators were stopped. and to add to the eerie-ness, they had a crew spraying fog,giving a more mystical vibe n horror feel! the pbl rooms sorta turned into a ghost house and i must say,this was the first that kinda scared me(a bit). but the higlight of the night would surely be the historical moment when i discovered that i actually had skin contact with an amphibian;a dead frog with its stomach dangling,to be exact...was in the grip of my palms for about 10 mins (mayb?). n more interestingly, i discovered only cause i was curious. after the game was over ,and when i was allowed to take off my blindfolds, i immediately asked my teammate what was it that i had in my hands.i remembered him saying; 'you really want to know?'

how i wish i never knew.how i wish i would just say no and feel blessed that i was blindfolded and be ignorantly blissed. *-* too baddddd

The few people i instantly clicked and felt like family would have to be my orientation group,group 3 yeahhh *insert enthu tone here.our group has one of the best names ever:

TRI-0-SOME.

LMAO.trust me,u wouldnt want to know how our cheer goes. the flag; was majestically epic!

*faces were blurred due to doctors confidentiality pledge.LOLL ;p

my orienteering officers of seniors from sem2 sem3 sem4 and even sem5 was the bestest!!!caring,cool,awesom,enthu (new slang for enthusiastic), dirty(in a good way, i tink), cute, thoughtful, kind, adorable, funnehh,resourceful, selfless, FUN,to some it all up, they're TERBAEKK lahh! :)

my view from 14th floor,vista komanwel B2, second last unit on the left hand side :)(:

to tell you the truth, i'm more than thankful to Allah that i managed to secure a place in IMU.even so,i feel intimidated, scared and gerun, when i see how packd my timetable will be which just sends a shock of revelation that i am a medic student, i am in medschool.

the people here are all smartypants, brilliant brained and super geniuses.aaaaaaaaaaah ><

my journey is still long, and there'll be more hurdles along the way.i hope i can do my best and dont get drifted away. for once again, i'd like to be the best, too.insyaAllah.

i pray that i can carry my roles and fulfill my responsibilities to the fullest and at the same time realise how beautiful life is.amin ya robbal alamin.

see that blue glow? thats my uni.=) stadium is at the back. (this feels really surreal!)

alhamdulillah, Allah the Greatest :)

therefore,i would like to end this entry with this;

my life as a alevels student has ended.thank god!!><

random conversation. *true story.

2011-08-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

random conversation between two malay women and their chineese male mechanic,who is driving them to a mall as part of the pick-up/send home policy of the servicing agent shop.

malay woman 1-A

malay woman 2- B

chinese male mechanic- C

C : so nak pergi mahkota parade ah?

A : yes please.u tau itu tempat kan?

C : ya ya taw.

B : nanti kreta sudah siap service u boleh call eh?thank you tolong hantar kita..sbab u taw kan, takkanla u nak suruh kita duduk situ saja tunggu 2 jam lebih kan..

C : ya..no problem. u dua2 maw buat apa?jumpa sama boy friend ahh?

A & B : (serentak) No no no no.No lah.where got boyfriend. *gibberish +mumbling in denial tone

C : ya ke?boleh percaya ke sama lu dua?lu cantik2 mana bole talak (slang for takde) boyfriend punya.lu taw, masa u masuk itu office service tadi semua orang tengok sama dua taw.

A& B : tipulah u.maw amik hati kitorg je kan.haha

C :saya talak tipu punya,cakap betul. lu dua adik bradik ka?umur brapa?

A& B : yea.umur....cuba u teka..

C : (after short pause) u 20, yg blakg ni 21..btol tak?

A : aiyaa.btol la betol.u teka umur saya 20.exactly.tp umur kakak saya u teka salah.die manyak tua dr sy la.4 tahun..

B : yeay.yess yess.saya nampak muda to u!

C : tapi actually aa,nampak dekat2 saje..(pulls off car at the road curb) ok,suda sampai.

A : nanti bila dah siap u give us a call ok?eh.kjap,u takda our number lagi rite..kjap eh,i write down for u...nah. so nanti siap,just call us eh...thanx~

C : aiyya.u pcaya ke bagi nombor sama saya?

B : kenapa tak percaya pulak..nanti u nak call siapa kalau itu kreta servis sudah siap..

A :betol2.percaya!

C : u tak takot saya amik save nombor u ke?u percaya saya?

B : percaya la..u kan orang baik..hehe

C : haihh.saya pun tak percaya sama diri saya..

A&B : . . . . (*terkedu. slowly moves out of car and pretends not to hear the last line.)

this post, was not intended to be racist / target any race-specific issues in malaysia.

its just a funny dialogue between a chinese guy flirting with two malay girls. which to me,is one of the beauty of Malaysia.AHAHAH. =.='

seriously, this is like one level up than those cat calls and kissing/hamster sounds malay guys make in their attempt to 'FLIRT'. pfffffft~

tell me, is this just a phase?

2011-08-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

a shot from a stall in mahkota parade;those captions are too adorable@-@

i thought all girls akan automatically gasps and feel this 'ooh-aah' warm fuzzy feeling when they meet cute babies.or toddlers.(n perkara y sama waktu dengannya). i know i do.i get excited and'ololo comeynye' when i see baby clothes,dresses and headgears for girls. everytime i see those little babycrocs or any baby shoes i feel like snatching one and turning them into keychains or phone charms. whatsmore when i see live babies yg comel.ouh geram!

i always have the urge to grab one of these and turn them into keychains :3 C-O-M-E-L

i always tell my sister 'i tanak kawin lagi tapi i nak anak sendiri' then she'll give me this look.haha.i know.it sounds soooo wrong. but,i do adore babies.when we were in europe all d babies looked like miniature barbies, i only watched them from far,smile,wave and maen2 ciku-chak cuz im afraid their parents will think im sum kinda paedophile or creep yang playing with their children.believe me,not everyone likes their children being touched by random people on d street.

major cute baby alert!: walking mini baby doll :3

being the youngest, and when people ask 'nak adik takkk?' i'll answer with an annoyed smile with a big fat no.yeah.memang,i dont want a little brother/ sister cuz i enjoy being the youngest,to a certain extent.anyways, the only chances i get to hang out with babies (lol at that sentence skejap) is when i balik kampung.since i dont have any nephews or nieces,i'll always layan all my lil cousins, anak cousins, and anak2 tetamu yg datang ke rumah.pathetic kan? T.T

since i never got the chance to jaga any babies like spanjang all my life & 19++ yrs of living, last week was a major achievement.i always never had the courage to hold newborn babies cuz they're so floppy and i have this image that when i hold them i'll mess up with their bones or somehow cause their posture to be distorted.but,last week,i naturally held on to my little baby cousin.anak cousin to be exact.we have the same name, fatin!!! everytime i acah2 and talk to this lil baby she'll smile.oh em geee,comellllll.gaaah.it feels so good when you hold the baby and make them smile.and also, that was the first time ever that i lullabied a baby right to sleep. baby fatin slept on my lap. i also learnt a wonderful trick to make them sleep by my eva-wonderful mommy; usap telinga,those baby ears with ur fingers and u can see those baby eyes getting sleepy and ralik.subhanallah! omg!gram! ok dahh.this is the second where i tell myself to snap out of it.><

talking about lil kids, my lil cousin imran is super spoilt!he's the king of the house,at age three.-.-' what imran wants,imran gets.sighhh.but hes just too adorable to resist.his hobby is to silat in front of me, play angry birds on his daddy's phone, wrestle with ultraman, and change outfits 5 times a day.the first hour he'll be wearing cargo pants, the next u'll see him in jeans and smart shirt.haihh.imran imran.

baby imran; who can resist that whole dose of C-U-T-E!?

so when i got home and told my mom bout how spoilt imran was my mum sneered at me!and my sister joins in teasing me too.apart from the fact that i hold the award for the loudest screamer/cry-baby ('sampai satu taman kenal fathin nabilah yang nangis' bak kata mama) there are a few interesting behaviours of the old me that i could not believe.

my mum told me that,if my mum gives a kiss to someone else,e.g; another baby,i'd sulk all day long.then i'd ask my mom to 'buang balik' the kiss.so she'd have to physically move her hands, grab the invisble kiss on her mouth and do the throw-it-to-the-ground-gesture. and that was the zaman when flying kisses were popular, so when my mum catches a flying kiss,e.g from my sister, i'd yell to her to throw it as in ; 'buang balik,buang balik kiss tu!!' oh god.teruk gile p.h.d i mase kecik2. :0

then my sister told me how she remembers so well when i would cry every time amy mastura came on screen.why?cuz she has the same name like my mom; mastura. so i'd yell 'mama,kenapa orang tu amik nama mama?suruh dia buang balik.tu nama mama!' =__________='

obviously i dont remember any of this.so next time i intend to say or even think about how spoilt a child is,i'd stop and compare it to the junior me first. hah.

I cant say goodbye.

2011-08-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

date :29th June 2011, 10:21

location : window seat,ETS train to batu gajah

I hate goodbyes.never been good at it.to me,parting is an understandable routine.I do seem to cope very well.but heck, saying farewell to me is like pulling thorns out of your throat.and there's always this lump of (phlegm?) that u can feel barely hiding behind your epiglottis.I've survived a couple of goodbyes,but I just hate them all the more.so,I like to keep it simple,short,so it won't feel at all like a goodbye.

Yesterday marks d graduation of my 730 days in intec and kolej akasia.that goodbye was easy.honestly,to me the two years was close to hell.truthfully,there were still some memorable moments and a bunch of wonderful people I've met along my journey here.most important,this phase and place taught me a LOT.I can literally feel myself maturing,growing up.sort of slowly ongoing the transition from my teen years to adolescence (I'm 20 but I ain't old yet ahahh!!)

The roughest goodbye is with one of my gaffixs sisters.people call us twins sometimes for the fact that we behave the same;our speech, movement and expressions(definitely not physically cuz there's a STARK difference.HAHA)

Practically I've known this wonderful lady half of my whole life.that'll be 10 years precisely.we grew up together.discussed stuff together,developed differences together, compete against each other, support one another, and probably know each other like no one else does.from classmates,to tablemates, to debate team partner, groupmates in almost all d other non-academic activities and the last two years as college mates;surviving together,leaning on each other in this new world none of us are familiar with. We do get head to head with each other at times and of course there were moments we disagreed with one another, but usually,it's only cuz we're worried.and all the time,we'll just get on like nothing happened.there's this beauty of our sisterhood that only me and her can understand,and nothing can change that.

Lol.cant help to lol a lil cuz this pakcik beside me is so concentrating on this Tom and Jerry movie they're showin on d train sampai tenganga2 mulut!LOL! xD

Ok.back to main story.so last Monday we spent an entire evening together.shopping at empire,crowd gazing,cam whoring dekat serai while sharin pavlova for two was so sweet!sampai I takut d people there will ingat were a lesbo couple.haha!tp heck,do I look like I care.I dun have much time with my soulsista here so hampa nak cakap apa2 cakap pi lah!

till 10.30 we got back at college and lepak-ed at the gazebo till 1.am I think,sharing a triple choc soft cookie and talking bout everything under the sun.(or Mayb under d moon in dis case).even though we were no longer classmates,and only get to meet each other in weekends, this latenight chat with her made me feel like I never missed out on anything.pretty,simple and sweet.so,to break out the emo moments and sad mood,I picked a few wild flowers by the grass,and twisted them round till both of us had a no-money-can-buy-ring-Cayalah! :)

Nextday,sunway yang tersayang menjadi pilihan hati;p shoot tros to our favorite stores.lol,I dunno when I'll find anther friend yang like the same thing I do,shopping,food, music,naseb bek when it comes to guys our taste is like complete opposite,pheww!;) then,today jugak,our wish to try out fullhouse since end of 1st sem lg tercapai,yeah!the drink and food wasn't all that great,but having the moment spent with my soulsista,made it magical than evah.Huehue.sempat lagi usha abag Chinese yg perfect Malay accent tuh xtahan.lol.

Again,during our grad dinners we weren't sharing the same table,bt it was okay.tday though was hard.we went to sek 17 to buy her ticket than back to akasia,took my computer back from repair and then I had to shoot off to bangi. No lunch no elaborate parting just a short simple sweet hug. Just the way I like it.

Even though our time abroad won't sync I'm sure sgt3 sure we'll meet up again somehow,and very soon too. :)

Seperti biase I'm very jiwang (acecehh) but I'll let u read it when the time comes eh?hehhe.

xoxo. Thank you from the tip of my xseberapa septum,for everything and every second.please accept my sincerest apology for everything yeah! I <3 u bebehhh!xnak sappy2 dah nanti org dalam train will think I'm having sum kinda of breakdown or smthg :/

This isn't the end,it's just the beginning of a new chapter.hopefully a brighter one :)

Insya-Allah.

like whoa!

2011-07-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

its not dusty here. its mouldy and infested with spore-bourne fungi :0

that, was a simple understatement to how long i havnt been posting here.(forgive the CRAPPINESS) how on earth can i keep up a diary if i cant write in it constantly/ periodically.-.-'

well since we did not have a stable wifi connection during our 14 day eurotrip,not to mention the fact that the only way for me to access the internet was thru my ipod, keeping uptodate and posting a new entry was VERY difficult.plus, we walked all day long so by the time we arrived back to our hostelroom,we'd be tooo flat and have just enough ounces of energy to cleanup,pray and drag ourselves to bed.nevertheless, it was total awesomeness:).alhamdulillah,it was a perfect bonding time wif my sis aftr 6 years apart.

this was my escapade.from everything.my perfect escapade.:)

its been more than 2 weeks since i set foot back in malaysia, but still; i just managed to upload pictures of the first stop of the eurotrip.and,this is the first post to date.sigh. tis sux mannnnn. :/

i hate it when i cant meet my own expectations.haha.who doesnt kan?

as soon as we got back to melaka,i had to show my sister around,and like always get all the chores done;pay the bills, get stuff, survey this survey that.last week was my first long distance drive (without dad's supervision) from melaka to kl and back.got lost in kl making our way to cheras for like 2-hours.phewwwww.stressfull gile!

a lot happened.really.but its just like i cant be bothered to jot it all down.i was never good with keeping diaries.but,heck, i'll try hard this time.

most of all; i miss my soulsistas real bad now.i miss our k.b house too.i miss the whole kelantan-vibe, the language,the food, the people and those familiar streets where i loved to speed.hehe.half my life in penang, and another half in kelantan.so,its logicla that i miss it this much.biaq pi la org nak cakap i'm a mek kelantan (whatsoever), i <3 kelate.haha.since when did this post turn into a pro-kelantan one?haha.

alryte, lets run away from this mushy sadsad vibe and lemme end this post with a totally unrelated but jaw-gawkingly true statement :

shopping in europe during the summer sales equals to extreme ecstatic euphoria.haaa,amek hang!

anddddd,im still not over my little not-so-celebrity crush.:D

goodbye blogggie.sorry i'll have to abandon you again; for this weekend, is time for sum strict extended-family qualitytime in kedah pulak!

shooting off to kedah tomorrow morning.toodles!

I have a big C****

2011-06-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Haha.tajuk berstar intended to give the element of suspense.anywayyy,its been ages since i last posted..

so. i just finished my last paper for a levels today.and i refuse to comment bout it any further. -.-

whyyyyy?cuz i juz feel like blurting out everything and making no sense.okay,valid enough for me.

going back to the main title, i have a big C on sumone.heeeheeee *muke miang*. a very big one.and usually when i have crushes,i ignore it.honest.cuz i know its never gonna work and i am sorta wayy too shy to start off anything first. and when i start to ignore them,they become temporary. they only work out at times when i really fight for what i want.haha.that was really unnecessary O.o

so in this case, my crush is sumone who doesnt even know my existence.i think.

but it keeps haunting me back bcuz :

-he's amazing,and oozes out charisma!i've never seen a typical malay guy quite like him.becuz i usually choose to stay away.kot.

-my friends say i should masuk line(?) siap kate baik meminang cepat2 before org laen amek .(apakah?)

-i sumhow magically have an amazing informer, who stalks my crush and keeps me updated.eventhough i NEVER ask for it.and this informer gives me constant encouragement that i should try. walaww

- i hav a friend of a friend who is the cousin of my subject of current admiration; who is more than willing to 'ngejah'. hahahahaurmmmn.

so its no use if i just post a picture of my crush here cuz i think its pretty obvious who.and if i post it my crush might get deeper?

oh god. crazy posts come out if ure just freakin bored,or maybe just because.

someday,when i grow up.i'll look back at this and laugh my heads off. xD

*one more less reasons to palpitate,now that one not-so-secret is out . :D

pitcha taken at kinokuniya klcc.the words are partially me,kut?haha.

cuz lately even the slightest things make my hear beat like crazy, like; before masuk exam, if i see someone i DONT wanna see, if i left/lost sthg, when im driving and a motor/ car comes out of nowhere and i just missed it by inches.i was never like this before does this happen to other pple too? :(

figure it out :D

2011-06-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

-bad*ss punye muke,tapi dalam hati ad taman.

-badboy look

-muke pecah

-caring/romantic a.k.a sweetalker

-understanding and funny.like, you just wanna laugh everytime ur with him.

-family person. huh.*melts*

-loves piano as much as i do.guitar?hmm.no more.

-complementary to a certain extent

-COURAGEOUS

-smart, witty, the kind u can start spontaneous enjoyable conversations with

-berilmu.beriman.beramal.

how to's ; a bunch of definitive guides.

2011-05-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

#1- how to deal with selfish people

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Deal-With-Selfish-People?&id=5267248

best quote: "They(these selfish people) know that they're difficult and won't respect you if you pretend they aren't. If you have a sense of humor, use it. Everyone loves to laugh. But keep the interaction short and sweet."

#2-how to deal with impossible people

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People

best quote: "Be the opposite of them: a possible person."

#3-how to deal with people you hate?

HATERS!

reasons people want to prove they're better than you,(when you just cant see the point, and you dont see how it can benefit them);

1-its one of their insecurities.you never know kan?they mustve felt threatened by you or somewhat.

2- they are definitely jealous.thats why they TRY to show you that they have something better.

3-in their creepy world, the ideal planet would be a place of people full like them.thats why they cant simply be more considerate instead.

4-theres a probability they dropped their heads once when they were babies.dropped so hard that they lost their common humane sense of being considerate and not impossible to other people.

5- someone treated them like that once;monkey see,monkey do! so thats why they're just looking for a vent to repay it back to some innocent soul.

6-its their hobby.kinda like how a sociopath( meaning;someone who has disregards for the rights of others) scribbles on the wall at how many times he/she made someone miserable,these people who want to prove they're better then you actually feel they gain a point in a game evrytime they manage to do so.

7-MAOA. excessive monoamine oxidase can disrupt the level of dopamines in your brain,thus interrupting normal chemical communication in the neurones. HAHA. :3

8- its the best they can do to make them feel better. therapy;is a word with extensive defintions,including those of the sociopath's

9-why people want to prove they're better than you? cuz THEY ARE JUST__________. (feel free to fill in the blanks with your own descriptive words)

inconsiderate people; lets just think they're there too keep the world at a balance.(?) *positive thinking*

Alhamdulillah~ one step closer?

2011-05-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah.Praise be to Allah for making this happen.for giving me this opportunity.

nevertheless, nothing is confirmed, nothing is safe

and,ANYTHING can happen.

15 points, will you be mine?

insyaAllah.Biiznillah.fight fight fight!this is your LAST chance.dont do something you'll regret on later!

and, Prof Victor Lim..thank you to you too :) i guess u did go and try sakae sushi after i recommended it and somehow liked it?lol.

note to self: please, try not to talk abt and recommend sushi restaurants in a gossip-with-friend manner to your interviewers.please, its embarassing =.="

salutes to you..

2011-05-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

idahrawna.

i bet if i dont translate the sentence i typed above, a lot of pple would still b able to decipher the code. :)

hes a cool dude.but,thats not number 1.most importantly, he's aware of his roots, and very much take to heart, of his duties as a muslim; to dakwah, 'spread love, and spread islam', as qouted by him himself.i've seen his first few clips, i think he wasnt THAT popular back then, but still, his videos catches my attention.eventho,that time his camcorder/ recording device is not as clear as now, i still liked his style. plus, hats down, thumbs ups to his loghat utagha. i think its adorable. heuheu~ astaghfirullahalazim.

the reason im writing this, is not to promote him or anything of the likes. Well, he barely needs any promotion now; d guys got his own domain name, and a email domain too!named after him. 0-0 thats like :wow.i dont think mahathir has his own emaildomain name. xD

this dude is legend...wait for it..dary! haha!

why he became so popular?here are a few suggested answers :

(cheh.cam markingscheme lah plak.lame binti noob -____-)

#1- his English

He's a tesl student, and he speaks english so dem well!not like those wannabees e.g: 'why you dont want to friend me?' type.haha. i rarely hear him mess up his tenses, and his speech comes out flowing,spontaneous, and very authentic.though, he does remind me of kevjumba sometimes,cuma, the malaysian version ^^ mnyejukkan telinga. and i might add, better too!

#2- his writings

i discovered his new blog abt a week ago, and the stuff he pens down was nothing near jibberish. he always chooses an issue, always something worth discussing,and then ,like, gives it a 360 spin, changing the way you'll view things, and again, his english is perfect.his writing style is one of a kind and engaging,not the typicalblogtype slang you see often now. his old blogspot site was worth a read too, but thats the more..literature-artsy side of him i think..there were a few entries,short stories to be exact, snd i admit i was hooked on to them. *-*

#3 -his style

the way he edits his videos, menyejukkan mata telinga hidung dahi.haha ok forgivemefortalkingnonsense. :|

and he himself:cool.selamba. relax.mata like a cross between dreamy and i-cant-b-bothered type.basketball hat,i think thats his favourite accessory and sometimes kaen pelikat!haha.i've always loved guys in baju melayu, and now he's making me think kaen pelikat is awesome too.gahahaha. *coughs*

plus,this dude has some serious authentic pure original (you may insert more words to accentuate my statement) sense of humor! cool and funny yaww!

but my number one reason why i salute this dude is:

---->his niat.and the messages he tries to portray.

when i first saw his vids, i walslike..okay.cam, not that noob, he's kinda funny, and he knows how to edit video and audio to make it interesting..but one thing i notice was how he tries to include advice, or pesanan, spiritually,i mean like yg ad kaitan dengan agama. like tazkirah..kot?

an entertaining, fun, eyecatching, and mind juggling tazkirah. and lately, he's been updating more too, sometimes sharing links on interesting articles, and reciting hadis in his vids.

to be frank, i'm impressed. so, this guy here,instead of doing acoustic covers or lypsinc/miming to songs or acting all goofy and making parodies, he chooses to utilise his free time to berdakwah..and to know that, ade lagi malay boys like him, kinda relieves me in a way,menyejukkan hati [haha.for d 3rd time] alhamdulillah. :)

so, whos he? do i need to spell it out,evryone knows dah pun. lol.

salutes to you, inianwarhadi, barakallahufika.

sejuk hati [4th time mentioning dat word] parents yang dapat anak like him..your parents must've brought you up real well to become the man you are now.

this is his latest vid.pengisian yang mantoppp.teehee.and i dunnoe if its just me, but his eyes are shining and gleaming cam mata spongebob :0

notetoSELF: kalau orang lain boleh buat,awk bile lagi cik adik oi?berdakwah tu tanggungjawab,sampaikanlah ilmu/ ajaran islam walau sepatah kata pun..

Dan hendaklah ada di antara kamu satu puak yang menyeru (berdakwah) kepada kebajikan (mengembangkan Islam) dan menyuruh berbuat segala perkara yang baik, serta melarang daripada segala yang salah (buruk dan keji) dan mereka yang bersifat demikian ialah orang-orang yang berjaya.(Ali-‘Imran: 104)

subhanallah,ya rabb, ihdinassirotol mustaqeem~

RM1k face towel.

2011-05-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

fathinnabilahabdulrashid,this is a reminder for you.

monday morning,10.30 a.m., i braced myself for the fact that today, i might have around 700-1000 rm flying out of my bank account (cuz i never have that much money in my pocket -.-) happily to some tauke's hand.

with a fullfledged sense of acceptance, redha and pasrah, i took my car to E.D kedai tayar dan battery.

i was REALLY relieved cuz d guy said it'd be 160 per tyre,so like around, rm640 la.YEAY!

pada waktu akhir sem yang sengkek ni, 360 makes a REAL difference. :]

*gamba xleh besaq lagi ka?* =="

goodyear tire x4 = rm640

and then tiba2 mamat tu cakap; 'ini aa,lu kene buat sekali itu alignment balancing.pasang baru munya taya mesti maw ini punya.oh, campur lagi duapuluh linggit a, maw kasi itu tayar tube,bole aa miss?'

uhh.k.fine.papelah.semua demi kebaikan tayar.i sanggup buat!

alignment + balancing =rm 20

tire tube x4 = rm 20

and then, after i went home so that i wont have to linger at d tyre shop for one hour++, i received a phone call.jeng jeng jeng.........

die cakap tire camber saya senget.so saye kene tukar.so bertambahlah lagi KA CHINGG yang akan flying without wings T_____T

ohh and then ad add on value meal lagi.haha.(im merepeking :3) my absorber pecah.pecah?I dont know how i couldve manage to pecahkan my shock absorber.tahniah fathin nabilah.tahniah atah dahi mung!

camber caster x2 +shock absorber rear x2= 290

n den,puas2 dia pekena.xtually x puas lg.die suruh tukar battery cuz according to his dialogue and descriptions; "ini lu punya battery aa,bile maw start, dia ad eeehkk eehhhkk"

pekebenda lah ehkk ehkk tu pun ak tataw. huhu.baeklah apek,do wht u need to do.wht u got to do.so that my car will b peacefully blissed.(and my wallet will silently cry)

automotive battery x1=RM 160

so,adding all that up,plus discount sini sana, it was all rm 1130.macam major service!but thank god i drive a small car, if i drive a bmw x6, im sure maintainence like this would cost arnd rm5k!haha.so,bersyukurlah and be grateful that you dont drive a bmw x6 (padahal nak sedapkn hati je.)

like normal, dkat counter is ahmoi..no longer apek.so senyum2 mintak kurang lagi price x jalan brader! haha.as if i senyum kt apek pun id going to make any diff.so this lady, xnak jugak bagi less so finally, she gave me a shell helix face towel.

so,if u trase nak vogue gune face towel rm1k xpayah g susah payah usha website dior/ chanel /watev yg seangkatan, pergilah kedai tayar.LAME-O SUPREMO.

xtually kan.i dunno why i get real sentimental when i hav to take out huge sums of money from my acc.alhamdulillah, ade papa untuk bayarkan.yeay papa!my hero :D

i luv u papa.heheh.

note to self: jaga kereta elok2. :]

Where troubles melt like lemon drops.

2011-05-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

above; three messages i sent, around 1pm to my most favourtest lady in the world.sad,in a way,cuz thats all i could do.she battled with death in bringing me to this world.and bedridden for a week.not to mention put up with all my tantrums when i was a toddler; subhanallah.fthnnblhabdrashid.ish ish ish.

post mothers day- conversation with them..and since their lecturers, well, they just have it running in their veins kan,to give all dis pep-talk thingy.but still, in between those old stories he usd to tell me,there were a lot of foreign pieces of info to me.how come i never got to know of these stuff?

hurmn, parents have their own secrets too,no?

one more powerful anology from papa:

'there might be one day, you will love one boy.and to you,this one boy means everything,baek,henzsem..it can just so happen,things x work out..but theres this other boy, yang hitam legam, and this hitam legam boy (oh papa,kenapa kene cakap hitamlegam.nauzubillah *-*) loves you very much, and cares for you. macam mama dengan papa, never in my wildest dream.no no.it has always been just a dream to marry this most beautiful woman alive. and now, here she is sitting right infront of me;the most beautiful woman on earth,your mama.'

haihh.mane nak carik lagi laki camni -_-

i love both of you to pieces.thank you for making 1 more lemon drop melt today :)thnk you for this wonderfulamazingenthraling 19 years 6 months +.

i'd do anything for the both of you.

i wont need to wish upon a star, cuz i hav Allah almighty to hear my pleas.dark clouds or no clouds, i wont runaway cuz whatever it is He has set everythg in its path.HE knows whats best for me.and i put my full faith in HIM.

anxiety

2011-05-08T15:40:00.000-07:00

subhanallah.subhanallah.

la hawla wala quwwata illa billah hil 'aliyyil 'azim.

astaghfirullahalazim x3

worries. afraid of the future? scared of the outcome. unsure of the path.trembling. questioning. anxious.

have u ever felt,soo.. threatened or anxious that you just feel like throwing up?up untill the dizziness gets to u, and theres this waves of uncertainty, hitting against ur chest.like, literally,you can feel this sort of sting in ur chest. a pinge. and u just cant sit there,waiting,fidgeting.

then at the same time, something you've tried to cover, hide from, get rid of, delete from your memory comes haunting back at you..in more ways than one?

ah.just a messed up bunch of emotions.

thats what makes us humans.

alhamdulillah.

ya Rabb, please help me,let me get through this. :/

5.1 années merveilleuses, mon papa, mon héro

2011-05-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

inilah hasilnya:leme cam + photoshop sukahati -.- tapiiii papa tatapp hemmsemm :D

happy birthday, papa!

my papa is 15 years young (?!) haha but i love him more and more.hes more handsome than evaahhh!!

cuz u know what?i'll never get tired of ur lame jokes and d way u will instinctively move your feet to brake the car whenever i'm driving! (:

although the surprise dinner plan didnt work out as well due to sudden complications, i hope we made you happy~

papa,you're my hero and ALWAYS will be my number 1 man. you're my idol, my strength, my inner courage and everfaithful supporter(esp economically,LOL)

i think i resemble you a lot,and everytime you look at me and say that sometimes i'm exactly like you,i cant help but to feel proud! yeayy!

so,it turned out a pretty planned posh dinner-just turned into makan2 at posh rumah:

-baskin robbins ice cream cake

-modified english bread and butter pudding (i put in nuts instead of sultanas in order to celebrate you!)

and

-peanut butter tart;a first timer's try-but mama said it was okay.so...hurmn.u ate it anyways kan?;p

tie polka dot + baju belang: papa, the new trendsetter.

i was putting on my tudung dat time and we were in a rush,tgok2 he's all dressed up like this.x sampai hati nak tego.heuheu~ bt i'm glad u were so happy with the tie! ^^

my birthday present was a last minute one; but it almost took all day! just a simple polka dot polo tie.SIMPLE? haha.round satu aeon jusco to find the perfect tie. with your old tie in hand,the ONLY one you wear from day to day basis, i went frantic in search of a tie with the same length, width, and resemblance in every inch.sampai all the salesgirls were like '.....apakah?'.haha.ikut pi la depa nak kata apa; 'knapa la budak ni bwak tie berbulu and pi ukuq2,ish peghak betoiii' (okay,dorg x exactly say that,its just my inner conscience x| besides, mai mana plak org melaka cakap slang utaghaaa.pergggh) hahaha.

dahla lepaih tu nak bawak ice cream cake baskin robbin tu bukan maen susah. kakak hak duk juai tu pon buat sombong tuuudiaaaa! ghasa nak lempang sbuteq tapi hati buat besabaq je la demi bli ice cream cake kat papa.dah sampai waktu order siap,nak pi ambik cake,depa kata dry ais habih pulak.aihhh,dekat nak naek angen dah cheq depa habaq lagu tu.dah la x habaq awai2.lpaih tu,cheq tanya bila nak buleh tunggu dry ice,depa kata minggu depan sampai =_____= aduih.skali lagi tangan ni beghasa nak mlayang jaa.tapi takpa.cheq tekad jugak nak bawak cake tuh.masa kita nak cepat laa timbui macam2 masalah.dengan traffic light nya, dengan jamnya, dengan gheta sini sana potong cheq nya...tgok2 cake tu ada cayaq sikit.tapi seb baek papa tak pghasan! hihi.

there you go.satu perenngan kut bahsa utaghaaa in tribute to u papa ^^ terer tak terer tak adik?;p padahal i think da becampur baur dgn loghat kelantan dah ni.hatoiiiii T_T

so finally; exactly at 12 a.m., we sang you and celebrated as a family!walopon sorang tu juz thru skype.lol.

papa,saranghamnida!saenghilchukka hamnida!

Epic.

2011-04-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

Great. You, are just epic.the best. above all, not a single creature in this world could ever beat you.

So you think by running away from your problems, hiding away, from the world, from the people you used to care about so much and the things you used to love, and turning yourself into someone you completely don't know of,then, your problems will just melt like chocolate on a childs hand? Guess what. it'll just get messy.

Does it give you any PRIDE in yourself, when you treat yourself saying its okay,on instances here and there, and just play along with it?You think this'll allow you to grow into a graceful butterfly? you're still stuck as the same fat ugly catterpillar.crawling in your own world.

and on certain days, sometimes just out of the blue,when 'those' songs are playing either subconciously or not, when you feel haunted by your past, you just cry and break down?trying to somehow suck in all your breath so that other people wont notice your tears,you think that is braveness? that is just a subthreshold below COWARDLY.

and what, have you achieved, for the days after,all the days that had passed you?for when you promised to yourself, and to the ones who mattered that you'd be better?are you?look at yourself.take a good look at urself.cuz i'm sure even the mirror would be most reluctant to reflect on it, an image so thoroughly hideous like you.

everytime, taking it as it is.accepting it in your own most gracious,normal way.was that the way to fix your messy, tangled self?did you ever try?if you did, was it HARD enough? question yourself, are YOU worth it?

getting a thrill,the rush of euphoria and ecstasy running in your veins everytime you put your life on the line,gambling it,you think that would have made this world a better place?well, other people will just have to grumble to clean the dirty mess you've made once you've left this world.

and mostly,you'd think that all will be well,but have you put in enough effort?pushing and pulling within your own soul, will that give you what you want?everything that you have done, which almost equates to nothing, will it let you grasp the dream you have always envisioned?or at least, let you smell the victory u keep hallucinating on every know and then?

will YOU, leave out all the rest with a reason to be remembered?

even a slight peek at an inch of your face makes me want to puke at the first sight.

when you thought no one else cared,did it even occur to you why anyone in particular should have cared for you?it can be put to much better use than you.

and after your dreaming,when you woke with the fear of what you were leaving behind when you're done here; did you wake yourself up to reality and tried to be better?

how can you expect people to just forget the wrongs you have done, and help you find a reason to be remembered in the end?you'd be remembered one day,oh you will; be remembered as a pain and burden the thorn pricking in their very soul.

to not resent you,is like saying no to the angles,and to keep you in memory, is like opening the gates of doom to one's self.

cuz honestly,it's better feeling empty than having even any piece of you left behind.

forgetting,all the hurt inside

you've learnt to hide so well

pretending someone else can come

and save me from myself.

i cant be who you are.

Have you signed the royal guestbook?

2011-04-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

alahhh hai!

i sooooo badly wanna watch kate and wills punye wedding.but im stuck here in akas,sek 18!gaaah!my last hope is yahoo tv @1 a.m. PT/4 a.m. ET .macamlah all the streaming will be crystal clear and free from any stuck/ frozen coverage. oh well,do i have a choice?

actually,once upon a time (before his hairlines receeded) wills a charming,handsome, adorable, deep-blue-eyed prince..he was the reason pple went to london; to get these~~

prince will's postcard

royal stamp!why didnt i have one of these:((

or maybe just a glimpse of his side-profile *sigh*

annnnndddd nowwwwww:::

like, lain gilerr ryte?sorry will's i had to reveal your looks now.ni pun i was kind enough not to put up and upfront, overview of ur balding hair. :/ xpe wills.alopecia is common.nanti gi Yun Nam kayh?^^

many hearts would flutter as he walks by.this man abides by his mum's footstep, dedicating months in a year to scrub toilets,feed,and teach a group of underprivileged people.

Kate?i know nothing much bout her.except for the fake that she has 3 namesakes,and comes from a rich,upper middle class family.dah.and thats all.i malas nak carik more abt someone yang curik my potential ehemehme. *coughs* as if i even had a chance.

and to think that for that period of ONE year i was there,not once i bumped into him!haha.kay,wake-up-call, a prince wont be strolling through walthamstow,hackney, or hydeppark,will he?huh.nooooooooob.-.-

again:as if theres even a chance.

so,amidst this craze,people have been doing all sort of crazy things in conjunction with royal wedding. The british are real obsessed with their royalty,especiallly with the presence of someone they hope can fill the place of beloved lady Di. someone who has stolen prince will's heart.Having cupcake, royal wedding screening parties, cushions with the couples face embroidered to name a few, have been the centre of peoples' interest as we approach 29th april 2011, the BIG day.

but, 1 thing caught my attention. Betting. Like, seeeeeriously??okay.ur initial reaction might not be like mine,cuz u'll think that its normal,depa kan mat salleh,betting to nombor satu,mesti la,xheran~ and whatsmore,their 'matchmaker' actually set them up to meet again (after they broke up), at a horseracing event a.k.a betting haven. But,its the THINGS they betted on,that made me go liiike, seeeeeeriously?

alrighty,try browse through this :

-kate middleton's father to be seen crying

-prince phillip to be seen asleep during wedding service.

-prince willian to DROP the wedding ring *gasp!*

-kate pronouncing prince will's full name in the wrong order during the wedding vows, or worse pronounce PRINCE HARRY'S instead. *double gasps!!*

-colour of the queen's hat

-will kate be late, on time or early for the wedding

And these were actually obtained from a compilation of 101 things that could go wrong during the wedding. Imagine yourself in her shoes, cant wait for your big day, then discovering that people have a whole book,dedicated to things that might go wrong during the wedding.poor girl.poor,poor soul. :|

so based on my calculations, go HERE to view the live streaming of kate-will's wedding at 10 a.m. GMT on 29th april, which is around 5.p.m or 6 p.m. mesian time.IF im not mistaken.but yahoo claims they'll start airing by 4.p.m mesian time.cant wait!

happy weds!~

and after all..

2011-04-26T01:22:00.000-07:00

WOHOOOOOOOOO.err.what was that for?

nothink.i just felt dat it was SOO long,and i slightly feel like i've been muted.

why?#1)unit 6 report #2)a-levels #3)no good connection/laptop crash #4)-#10) repeat #2

sigh. and yeah,my interview.IMU interview.

honestly?i just dunno what to say.i felt that it went well,up until i discovered my interviewer was Prof. Victor Lim(cuz he introduced himself as prof lim,and i was to nervous/bedebo to bother back in the intvw room). whos he?nahh.hes no specialYB whatsoev ..he's just the Executive Dean Faculty of Medicine and Health Sciences IMU. !!!!!!#!$!!!! *long breaths*

huh. again,it felt okay when i was in the room, when i got back, and when i heard my frens talking abt their sessions, it made me more anxious. and made me feel like i was less better,inferior,not good/not impressive enough to both Prof Lim n Dr. Shiba (if i'm not mistaken)

and it sounds like my colleagues are waaaay better than me.it just..feels that way.

honestly, the amount of anxiety,agitation and restlessness in me now can topple down mt everest.

basically, it started off with me talking bout myself (haha.sounds so superficially plastiquee -.-)

then we chatted on bla bla bla. then suddenly he asks me to pick a controversial issue.cuz,in the beginning i told him,i'm not into politics =-=

so my controversial issue was stereotyping,mainly doctors;in the context of housemen and specialists towards the young ones.

then bla bla bla.then it continued on to stereotyping with AIDS patients. then the crytical thinking question was:

i) in malaysia at one time, treatment for AIDS was expensive.so,the govt only gave free treatment to those children who cont AIDS from their mothers or those STD.drug addicts,were'nt given treatment.what do u think abt it?

~so i told them what i thought.and they werent provoking.!!that makes me more worried!!

ii) another condition,a dr. wants to carry out bypass on his patients,but on one condition:the patient promises to stop smoking.If the patient does not do so, he will not do it.You think this is justified?

~smthg like that la.and i didnt think they tried to change my stand :( tatoooot.

so,then,it ended.oh,and sumwhere in between, i remembered recommending them sakae sushi and tellin them that sushi king's rice will only fall apart everytime you take a bite.

like....whaaaaaaaatttt??????

you, are telling u're interviewers,that sakae sushi is good,in an interview to go into medschool? *slapslapslap*

gosh.huh.

now i'm getting this burning feeling in my chest again.and im crapping.

huh.like how many times have i huh-ed today?okay,lets stop.sigh~

all i can do now is just tawakkal.put my full faith and trust in HIM, for HE knows best.my only weapons are my prayers now.i cant change the past nor rewind time..

ya Allah,please fortify this weak being of yours, give her strength.

ya rabb,only to You, i turn to.only to You i weep and beg.

to all others who are about to sit fer the intvw,gud luck mate~

ALEVELssssss!!

okay.punch me.punch me now.

sigh.

2011-04-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

exhausting week.

"dugaan and ujian" that keeps slamming on me.

magazine designing yang sgt time consuming and exhausting.unit 6 report,which i have no clue on how to complete it.a pile of books(6 textbooks for biology and 6 for chemistry) to khatam. facing the marks of trial papers,which is nearly equivalent to getting a punch in my face, multiplied by 18, for all the 18 papers.

anticipation.

theres a month ++ to go, and I AM FREAKING OUT.

my moodswings are playing cheeky with me, my nervous system is somehow, excessively active cuz my hand keeps shivering all the time. and finally, my whole self:

.______________.

subhanallah.

within this week i had to face my problematic computer (using non mac lappys has really taught me to be extremely patient), my external got infected with virus

and

I lost my watch T____T yup.15 minutes after I solat, only I realized it wasn’t with my purse,ipod n phone.so I went down and *poof* its no longer there,nor was it anywhere to be found on each inch of d ground as I retraced my step..since I lost it at education faculty,I thot the students there would be decent enough to return it back.and, since it was after 4, I’m pretty sure its not with the makcik cleaners.I persistently checked counter pelajar and then pak guard every single day of the week.but nope.no signs.and the handwritten notice I put up also had no feed back.finally I had to:

papa gave it to me last year.so, the value is just beyond what money can buy, and its only been with me for less than a year.I’m so careless to let it out of my sight.sigh.I miss you.

but still,nope.no response yet.I was very much upset and really down. but, I’m sure of Allah and His plans.insyaAllah.I wont stop praying for my watch to return but at the same time, redha lah with what has happened. worse things could have happened, and maybe He wants to give me something better. maybe He wants me to learn something.subhanallah.so, just tawakkal.and muhasabah diri kut,because its my fault in the first place T________________T

ya Allah,please let whoever find my watch return it back to me please..ameeen~

Remember this.plant it strong in your mind.

2011-03-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

"atin, u want to know something?yg Allah sgt sygkan ko.Sbab tu Dia slmtkn ko dr ...,sbb 2 Dia bg result yg bg ko teruk..huhu.den.dn itu semua tanda Dia terlalu sayngkan ko lebih dari semua makhluk ats muka bumi ni syg ko..He miss your voice,tangisan kita untuk DIA.bila diuji, ketahuilah sahabatku, saat itulah cinta Allah terhadap kita memuncak..perit, tapi sedap cam eskem:D "

dear you.thank you for your words.at that instant after reading that message i teared up terus. it was a blessing to ever meet you and even having a chance to do all the crazy things with you.you,know a part of me like no one else does. i love you,lillah.you're like an angel, and at times i wish to be in your place, honestly.to my eyes, you are perfect.and you are also a part of who i've always wanted to be.but i'm not as strong as you, and i dont think i can carry the load as well as you do.pray for me dear, to be a better muslimah, to serve my religion, family and country.

Allah is always there for you.Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein

al-Qaf;16[وَنَحۡنُ أَقۡرَبُ إِلَيۡهِ مِنۡ حَبۡلِ ٱلۡوَرِيدِ]. :"and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein"

Allah accepts all our taubat and Allah accepts and loves you for who you are.

Allah loves you and He has proven it to you in countless ways.have you done the same?

How many times did you achieve khusyu' in solat?i read an article once and it said: Allah sedih when our thoughts melayang ke lain waktu solat,the third time it goes elswhere instead of khusyu' in solat, He questions: ' what have you thought about that causes your mind to go elsewhere?what is more important than Me?'.astaghfirullah!

Allah only asks us to be khalifahs, to take care of the earth and ultimately, the purpose of our creation is to worship him

al-dhzariyat;56[ وَمَا خَلَقۡتُ ٱلۡجِنَّ وَٱلۡإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعۡبُدُونِ ] " I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me"

Have we done our task?

Allah always listens to us.

al-mu'min;60[وَقَالَ رَبُّڪُمُ ٱدۡعُونِىٓ أَسۡتَجِبۡ لَكُمۡۚ]" And your Lord hath said: Pray unto Me and I will hear your prayer."

have we tried hard enough?has our faith gone that we no longer turn to Him, and only choose too when we are helpless and in dilemma?astaghfirullahalazim.nauzubillahi min zalik.

ya rabb.ya rabb.ya rabb.tetapkanlah hati ini pada MU ya rabb.kukuhkanlah cinta kami pada Mu ya rabb.

Here is one doa that i like.doa rabithah (ma'thurat sughra) name dia jugak,doa pengikat hati.i love the meaning of this do'a.indah sgt!;

Sesungguhnya Engkau tahu
Bahwa hati ini tlah berpadu
Berhimpun dalam naungan cintaMu

Bertemu dalam ketaatan
Bersatu dalam perjuangan
Menegakkan syariat dalam kehidupan

Kuatkanlah ikatannya

Tegakkanlah cintanya

Tunjukilah jalan-jalannya

Terangilah dengan cahyaMu
Yang tiada pernah padam
Ya Robbi bimbinglah kami…

Rapatkanlah dada kami
Dengan kurnia iman
Dan indahnya tawakkal padaMu

Hidupkan dengan ma’rifatMu
Matikan dalam syahid di jalanMu
Engkaulah pelindung dan pembela

Hidupkan dengan ma’rifatMu

Matikan dalam syahid di jalanMu
Engkaulah pelindung dan pembela

Ya Robbi bimbinglah kami…
Ya Robbi bimbinglah kami…
Ya Robbi bimbinglah kami…

keep remember Allah, then Allah will never forget you! :')

are we old enough?or are we young and free?

2011-03-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

20 years old.7300 days.175,200 hours.

Are we old enough to make our own decisions?

Adoloscence, is a word too painfully broad to be described intensively.or is it?maybe I’m being a lil too dramatic.

I have a friend, a very close one infact.lets call her Un,short for unnamed.So she has made a decision that cannot be changed, behind her mothers back.reason being, she knows that her mother will not approve of her decision and is unsure of her capabilities. So Un sternly wants to prove to her mom and herself that she can do it.She goes on and continues with her decision. At the last minute, she figured that she had to tell her mum and as expected her mum was disappointed by her as she did not do as she was told.her mum said it would have been better if she didn’t make that particular decision in the first place, but problem is she has already made the decision.Know, if she takes back that decision, it can be said that she is denying her responsibility and not keeping a promise.The people involved and affected by her particular decision will feel betrayed and let down if she takes back her decision in order to please her mum.what should un do?

Un, is a VERY obedient daughter.more goody –two-shoe type that’ll listen and obey each and every of her mothers rule. Everytime she goes out, her mother will shoot millions of questions at her,checking her activities. Her mother chooses her friends for her, as she is told not to befriend certain people.When she wanted to go to the library, her mother objected and said its better if she studied at home and so she listened and obeyed. Even to the extent of eating particular a particular candy, she will follow what her mother says; ‘I cant do this,I cant do that,I cant eat this…… because my mother says so.’practically, she has never said no or disobeyed her mothers order,in every aspect.

Wow.that makes me feel real bad.Most decisions I decide myself, and I always have a stand for what I do. When I am sure that what I’m doing is not wrong, I wont hesitate to carry on.i think I am big enough to decide for myself,plus I cant be having my mum telling me what to do evrytime I want to do something.but when this case surfaced, it made me think all over again.

Derhaka, simply translated to disobeying orders of your parents, in my opinion is a strong word.I cant define it,Its too subjective so I cant put clear lines and boundaries to this.a crystalclear picture of ‘derhaka’ and the first thing that comes to mind is eloping: kawen lari. When you run off with the guy of your choice to the border of thailand, just to get married, knowing that your parents disapprove the guy, knowing that your marriage will not have your father as your wali and knowing that your judgement is clouded by your heart and emotions, you can clearly see that this is derhaka.

But ,simply eating candy when your mother says ‘ don’t eat candy,u’ll get caries’, is not derhaka, right?i mean, lets admit it.we’ve all done this when we were small, we don’t clean our rooms right away after being scolded and we still watch cartoon and procrastinate in doing our homework sometimes.or, am I alone in this?

Huh.i know I’m rebellious, and I don’t always listen to what my parents say.i’ve always known I’m not the daughter that they ever dreamed of, and I have more flaws than any good points I can imagine.but DERHAKA?

Tak nak jadi anak derhaka! @-@

i am no longer PRO...

2011-03-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

....cuz i am COMPETENT, YEAHHHHHHHH!

next to a competent licence.a P is hideous.goodbye P!!

22nd february 2011.

after enduring 2 years of driving with orang laen pandang seblah mate.

countless tickets, speedtraps and followed by police.

being a complete *coughs* angel for fear of P licence kene tarik.

i know, am a competent malaysian driver,yeahhh!

but still,im not taking the P sticker of my myvi.not just yet.hahaaa.

credits to mei, for showing me the way to jpj shah alam where i managed to upgrade my licence in a one hour class break on a tuesday morning!salute!or else i'd have to skip class and endure the long que at pkns post office~

new licence, new photo, same crooked smile :/

new facts i discovered:

-when u press the accelerator pedal,(especially when your car has a slow pick-up,and you can basically hear the engine roar) you are actually scaring your passengers.

-confidence,is quintessential, especially when you want to take over.an innocent, sweet face would help too, when you pass by the car you just took over.>)

-when guys who ride your car says its a thrill and calls you a drifter, it must've mean something.its up to u of how to interpret it :D

-trust you sensor when it beeps.failure to do so might cause dents an unwanted marks :|

-if suddenly you smell a hint of burnt tire, cease your desire to speed for at least 1 day.safety measures.

-NEVER, let emotions override your senses.

-when driving with your father, always drive a speed behind your normal speed.

-dont go 'oohh,ahh' evrytime you see an audi/ferrari/alpha romeo/masserati on the highway and when your dad is on the passenger seat.

-last but not least: biar cepat, asal selamat \m/

in 10 years time?maybe:P

peace out!!!!

comeback.

2011-03-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

trials was a catastrophe.for me at least.but in that short length of two weeks, i felt more connected to my housies.memang, i've always loved the fact that when exam comes, kitorg memang akan solat berjemaah almost evrytime,lima waktu. gilir2 point jari suruh jadi imam. come to think of it, this'll be the last time.haihh.:'(

surprisingly, within these 2 weeks, we talked about stuff we'd never even think of talking about for the whole 2 years of us staying together.topic yang berbangkit and berulang2, was:

KAWEN. / NIKAH. / MARRIAGE.

apekahh??none of us are officially twenty, and we're talking about this topic?haha.normal eh, girls who are transitioning from a teen to a -ty to talk abt this? anyways, me and my roomate came up with the same statement:

'sy nak engineer.' hahahahahaha.as if we can go to a walk in closet and pick our soulmate like that kan?that night, we even debated the pros and cons. puas2 tajuk epistasis, krebs cycle and transition metals, we chose to debate why we should have an engineer -___________-

hampergh!!

pros:

-x boring. we wont have to talk abt the same thing.

-it's another whole world we have not explored.

-more exciting, since guy doctors are almost always boring.and busy.or snobby.

-a definite non-stabber of our ego.having to live with someone in your field of expertise,and a tendency of him being better than u,might cause a problem

cons:

-cakap like ayam and itik?mayb.

-susah nak relate deeply-rootly-extensively, cuz we're not that good about their field.

-clash of opinions?then again,this can happen anytime on any given condition.

so.planted beneath the little space between my dura mater and my cerebrum was a teenie-weenie thought: PILOT pun boleh jugak. calon mayb dah ade?hahahaa

yeah.EXAM WEEKS DO MAKE YOU CRAZZIEEEYYY.

Ice Inside Her Soul

2011-03-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

Slowly,she regained conciousness.she mentally deciphered that the sound gushing through her ears were that of strong wind and leaves rumbling.the sound of civilization was a distant away.her eyes hurt,and were glued tight together,as if her soul had been wandering around and had left her body for so long.eventhough her lids wer shut,she could feel the glare of the warm sum on her eyes.mustering all the strength she had and whats left within her,she squinted and tried hard to open her eyes.

she awoke to an unfamiliar surrounding.it felt more of being like in a different universe.the view outside the widely open window pane seems so alien to her.she was aware that she was draped in a piece of blue cloth.numerous catheters were connected to her hand.she saw drips that were meant to run through her veins.she could feel foreign things attached to her chest.The colorful wires intertwined from the machine by her bedside connected to various spots in her head.she had a good look again at her hand,the one laying lifelessly on her side.it startled her,becauze the two deep punctures had her instincts telling her that the severed part did not belong to her.the pain stung up to her spine.she noticed that the punctures were only the beginning as the rest of the wounds were covered by layers and layers of bandages.

her breath was heavy.in sync with the pain she feels in evry inch of her movement,every blink of an eye.

a tall figure appeared from the distance, walked in and stood by her bedside.it was hard not to notice the woman's smile as it radiated warmth across the whole room.it was like she was sent from the heavens, with porcelain fair skin, delicate soft eyes and a touch that feels like it can cure a thousand injured soldiers at war.she didnt say anything but just stood close by the bedside.

she felt a little intimidated,fear of what this woman will do to her.she was a stranger.in fact everyone, and everything she could see around her,all were nothing that her mind could recognise. theres a deep want in her,to reach out to the woman, because at one glance she seemed so familiar.probably someone she'd known her whole life. her stare was fixed on the perfect face beside her. she felt like she was about to recall something, but inside her head, all the images were blurred,all the information and memories were like bright spots.you know its there,you can see it,but theres just no meaning.at this point, she felt like the only part of her that still existed in her body and what was remained was only her soul.with a thousand of questions she herself could not answer.

'Who are you?' were the three words she managed to utter to the stranger who stood beside her.And it was those three words that changed the facial beauty she just saw, into a total opposite expression.'You dont know me?' the stranger said aghast,that even her melodious voice seemed to sound broken.Followed by a shrug, she again asked, 'who are you?'

-26012011,23:44

chill out?

2011-02-21T09:47:00.000-08:00

He is far away from me now.far far away.i had to do it, i had to send him there for i know its the only cure.sometimes parting is better for the two of us.but, it seems like i can barely survive.ot has not been a full 24 hours yet,but still..
I feel. Empty.
A space he used to fill in my eveyday life now will be just a void.maybe for the next four days.i hope u're treatex well there dear.for im sure we'll meet again,n by that time,u'll b a whole new rejuvenated man.hang in there buddy,hang in there!

dear lenny boo, deep deep down, i still love you :3

Letih Driving Taw=..=

2011-02-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

location: Jonker Street.
these past few days, (padahal baru 2 hari) was tiring wohhh.yea la.house jumping here and there.driving frm s.alam to malacca,consecutively for 2 days.driving around melaka,carik jonker boutique hotel berpusing2 sini sana for like an hour untill finally jumpe!one day, 2-3 locations.wahh!but having a stroll back along memory lane was priceless.

its funny that it has been 12 years since it has passed,but it felt like just yesterday.uncle ali husin and aunty ana was kind enuff to take us around,we were like american tourist kat melaka!okay,maybe thats too much of a hiperbole since we are: NOT white/caucasian, NOT tall, and still look for sambal and ulam for lunch.way to go ma n pa for spirit of ulam-ness!~

but these were the things that crossed my mind along the journey tadi:

-how i would merajok gile when my neighbour calls my papa abah.i will sulk cuz i say, 'my father is mine!'

-how i had a crush on joe.sneak to junior section to peek at him.hahahahha

-how i would laught when some of my unfortunate family members got splattered with fresh bird poop =..=

-how i loved to buy rings at walthamstow.

-how we ran freely in the parks and feed swans.

-how i pronounced w0-uhh(water) and kaen ba-ik(batik) and all my sedara will laugh at me.

eventhough we werent rich.barely surviving,i think,but i enjoyed evry second of living in number 7,colworth road,leytonstone :))

mama and papa would often leave us cuz they had their master exams,so my sister would heat up fish fingers for lunch.i remember papa would walk us to school cuz we had no car.but the thing y most unforgettable, the first time tengok snow luar tingkap."eh,kenapa la org atas ni buang habuk luar tingkap?" funny.we were grumbling that our neighbours upstairs was so inconsiderate to throw their dust out the window just like that.untill we realised we lived on d 2nd floor and theres no more 'upstairs' and the dust was actually speckles of snow!haha

Jonker Street: view outside Jonker Boutique Hotel.Not that cho kia lah,nice crib :)

These??i just got back from Japan,so heres a whole loot of Jap stuff >.<

Yeah.if only i could fly off to japan with my private jet like that right?These are from the 5 Hengget shop, as i call it.lol.

Daiso is a store with all stuff imported from japan;stationaries,food,storage,home appliances, handicraft/artwork section and loads more.Evrythg here is rm5! :) and i lovelovelove japanese stuff:D

Belated.

2011-02-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

welcome to the family baby touchie!

Belated 19th Birthday on 31012011

no,i did NOT get a freaking new honda civic. =..=

i know,this thing is pretty much 'ketinggalan zaman 'already,but i'm thankful for my pressie <3

engraved on top is

NabilahRashid

.faith.love.hope.

it costs and additional rm 30.and no,it wont harm your gadget.laser engraving is 100% safe!

apple does it for free, but u'll have to order online.they CLAIM delivery will take 3-4 days with engraving, but that is minus the time of transport, retrieving gadget from warehouse, shipping, final check lah, etc etc. so,if say u place and order today, the date they CLAIM it will be posted will be around 2 weeks- 3 weeks from order date.waddehekkk?

so buying it first hand is better.no worries of ur gadget being tossd uncaringly by the courier pple,no worries of getting malfunction orders, no risks of faulty device, and u get to ask the sales person anthg u want directly!(oh,for those yang skeptic abt shooping online and exposing ur credit card to threat,buying straight is the way to go!ho yeah!)=____=''

BUT, since there is no Machines store in Kelantan,i had to get it from KBK Computers, sole provider / retailer of apple products in Kota Bharu.

it turned out, i had to pay extra rm10 from actual price,the price stated in internet.

takpelah...plus,there was only one 32gig punye yg left that time so i HAD to grab it before it is grabbedby any other evil forces that wants to seperate me and my baby :D

alhamdulillah.syukur.

one more Q: to jailbreak, or not to jailbreak?spe bleh tlg wat jailbreak free meh sini.:)) i'll upah you hanmade cuppycakes and cookies ;D

Anonymous

2011-02-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

there he was.perched up in front of her.so perfect his stature,his masculine posture.For a second he looked like David of Michaelangelo,except that he was in a sitting position.

He didnt gaze away for long as he looked back,straight at her.Fixed on her face as if there was nowhere else he'd let his eyes off to .His stare,meeting her very own eyes.Piercing slowly through her veins gushing straight into her heart. His eyes, shone like the morning sun.Those strong eyes, that she had never really crossed with. The face, the features, so familiar she can almost barely memorise every inch of it. His hair, fell into place just the way she likes it. She never approved this style on other guys, but on him, it seemed like a majestic crown, complementing a glorious,grandiose king.

She kept staring at him too.Seeping all of him into her while she can.Or maybe it was just out of curiosity and bewilderment?They had never met before.She swear,they hav'nt.but he has come daunting to her before.Not once or twice,but a few nights before this. He was always smiling,always there, always near her. The feeling was a sort of silent therapy,she might say.Like finding your favourite blanket you once lost. Like recovering your stash of precious crayons you were once obsessed with when you were much younger. Like seeing someone that you are so sure you've met in your previous life again.Deja vu.

This time it felt different.Slightly.He was aware of her stare,so he fiddled around with his fork,playing with his food. Carefully he lifted the pieces of the meal close to his mouth. There was nothing laid in front of her on the table for two that they occupied.So, she placed her elbows on the tabletop instead,so she could rest her head on it comfortably while stealing a long gaze at him. She can pretty much feel the corners of her mouth touching both sides of her ears respectively. By the looks of his facial gestures, she can tell, that he nearly laughed out loud watching her grin so goofily, like the cat in Alice in Wonderland. Yet,he kept it in and coughed out only a friendly chuckle.

"This is too good to be true", she said.herself unsure of why she was too elated.

She must be dreaming, she thought to herself.So she tested the old-time method of prooving to ones' self that he/she was not in a dream : the pinching method. As expected, she felt no pain.It WAS a dream.So she pinched her cheeks harder,pulling it in all sorts of direction,hoping that a stronger stimulus would definitely be sensed by her receptors.She tried over and over again,but stiffly,she felt nothing. She must have looked like a clown in front of him.He just shrugged his shoulders of and lightly shook his head with a small sly smile,shaped on his mouth.His eyes moved to his plate of meal. Too shy of staring at her for too long,or maybe just because he had to look away .How would she know how he felt?He barely gave her a clue of when he'd come and go.He barely told her who he was.How would she know?Maybe it's because she feels like she has known him all along.And from the comfort she has when shes with him, she can tell exactly how and what he felt at those instances.

"Well," she said to break the silence."Since it's only a dream, i guess i can come closer to you,then?"

Oh goodness.how on earth did these words made their way out of her mouth to a guy!She felt like a part of her pride has been ripped off.But the pain of the rip,she wouldnt let go.Because it hurts too good. She remembered that after the one time she gave her heart to someone who didnt care for it,she promised and made a vow to her self; that no man on earth can be trusted. The fact that her heart was scarred didnt bother her,because those scars are living proof that she lived through the pain.She made a resolution,never to surrender,never to let her heart win again.But somehow at that very moment she blurted out those words to him, she seemed calm.Calm in this huge pillow of comfort his presence never fails to offer her.

"No", he sternly said. His voice was soft as ever as he called out her name,her full name and then afterwards added,on "behave yourself".He finished the sentence with a smile that contained the same amount of bashfulness and wittiness.

Their eyes met once more, as the image of him, the table they were occupying and the diner in the background slowly faded away,replaced by the piercing rays of sunshine.She felt the heat on her skin of her cheeks.Only now, her senses seemed to be working.not when she wanted it to,but when it was too late.

Tell me please,who are you,familiar stranger?

eat pray love

2011-02-07T06:58:00.000-08:00

we always want things to stay the same.settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change of things crumbling to ruins.then i looked around at this place.at the chaos its endured,the way it been adapted,burnt,pillaged, then found its way to build itself up again.and i was reassured maybe my life isnt choatic it is merely this world that is chaotic bringing changes to us all, that nobody could have anticipated.

It's like a wound from a heartbreak that we never,won't ever let go of.cuz it hurts too good

oh, will you help me please?

2011-01-28T06:11:00.000-08:00

oh goodness.i seriously sickly badly need some serious help here.

when you want something just so so so,ever so utterly bad.but you know, you dont need it.but u'll juz dig up sum reasons saying you DO need it.and you come up with an alibi,to cover the guilt.then at the same time,ur conscience comes kicking back in for a mild few seconds then the burning want lights up again.persuading your subconcious mind that you indeed DO need it,as if its a matter of life or death.

tell me.tell me,WHAT, tell me what do you do to make it go away??

okay.so heres how it goes,i was pretty complacent with my current phone (sony w995) and i ws just waiting for an iPod touch to join the family in conjunction wif my birthday.but since we're moving and papa's fortuner going away on a never-to-return-again basis, i thought to myself that as a considerate and understanding type of adult,i should wait till the time comes.till i feel less guilty.

but then.

i've been holding up my wait too long and i think it,has lead to a terrible, horrible, indescribable series of tragedic consequences just waiting for its time to fall in front of me one by one.

oh no.i'm mumbling.thats a sign.i do that when i want something BAAAAAD.sighhhhhhhh.

okay.okay.okay.okayy.okay.oh my god *slapsss* okay. *deeeeeeep breaths*

at FIRST,i wasnt impressed by the iphone 4,just normal lah,to me.plus,its bulky.big.i know the battery wont last long,and the camera is only a 5mp.3mp lower than my current camera.

sighh.

spending a week around koreans (each of them using iPhone 4),accompanying my friend for an iPhone lookout, and finally coming to find that my uncle has switched to an iphone 4 and seeing all my cuzzins play angry birds happily has DEFINITELY brought my stand to not buy an iphone to a VERY flimsy,jell-o state.

one fine day, wont it be cloudy with a chance of iphone 4, dropping out from the sky, PLEASE?

goshhhh.i do need help.fine.FINE FINE FINE.*slaps*

as a means to overcome this overpowering drive of desire within me and as a mechanism of habituation(what crap am i talking abt?)

lets cut to the point: here are reasons why i should NOT buy an iphone 4

*meltssss* i am so pro-iTouch.haha.

seeeeee?sooo boxy.its like a pack of cigarettes.aesthetics value = not satisfactory.

here are the side by side tech specs comparison

i'll skip size and weight cuz they differ marginally.BUT, a plus point on iTouch is that its not so boxy,being more thin,curvy and sleek.hahh.thats one perfect solid reason,take that iPhone 4!!

Cellular and Wireless

iTouch

-802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi (802.11n 2.4GHz only)

-Bluetooth^® 2.1 + EDR (theres bluetooth!definitely an upgrade from 3rd gen iTouch)

-Maps-location based service.=gps,i'll never loose myself again :)

-Nike + iPod support built in.=wahwahwah.bet you dont have THIS ,iphone.

iPhone4

-UMTS/HSDPA/HSUPA (850, 900, 1900, 2100 MHz)=of course there's calling function.duhh.but,soo what?

-GSM/EDGE (850, 900, 1800, 1900 MHz)=_="

-802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi (802.11n 2.4GHz only)= same like itouch.no big deal.

-Bluetooth 2.1 + EDR wireless technology= yeah,an upgrade from iphone 3,but itouch has this too!

Battery and power

iTouch

-Built-in rechargeable lithium-ion battery

-Playback time

-Music playback time: Up to 40 hours when fully charged= approx. 2 days music nonstop.i dont need it unless i run a club or sthg.

-Video playback time: Up to 7 hours when fully charged= 2 movies max.can surely kill my time waiting be it ktm,lcct,or just simply :)

-Charging times: Fast charge in about 2 hours (80% capacity), full charge in about 4 hours.=lovelovelove this!

iPhone4

-Built-in rechargeable lithium-ion battery

-Charging via USB to computer system or power adapter=same.

-Talk time:

Up to 7 hours on 3G

Up to 14 hours on 2G

-Standby time: Up to 300 hours

-Internet use:

Up to 6 hours on 3G

Up to 10 hours on Wi-Fi = *stone face :|*

-Video playback: Up to 10 hours= *awed* *stone face again.pretending not to care* 5 movies.so what?i'll get bored watching 2.more than that'll strain my eyes n will not be good for me to maintain my 20/20 eyesight.

-Audio playback: Up to 40 hours

Display

iTouch

-3.5-inch (diagonal) widescreen Multi-Touch display=drooooooooooooooooooooooooling.

-960-by-640-pixel resolution at 326 pixels per inch

iPhone4

-Retina display=this feature is present in itouch too.

-3.5-inch (diagonal) widescreen Multi-Touch display=laaaaaame

-960-by-640-pixel resolution at 326 ppi=same~

-800:1 contrast ratio (typical)

-500 cd/m2 max brightness (typical)

-Fingerprint-resistant oleophobic coating on front and back= in our modern world,theres this special piece of fabric called screen wiping cloth,and as the name suggests,its for wiping visible prints and smudges on screen~

-Support for display of multiple languages and characters simultaneously=i'm fine with roman alphabets thank you.

Audio

iTouch

-Frequency response: 20Hz to 20,000Hz

-Audio formats supported: AAC (8 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), HE-AAC, MP3 (8 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, 4, Audible Enhanced Audio, AAX and AAX+), Apple Lossless, AIFF and WAV

-User-configurable maximum volume limit

iPhone4

-Frequency response: 20Hz to 20,000Hz=i'm not impressed

-Audio formats supported: AAC (8 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), HE-AAC, MP3 (8 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, 4, Audible Enhanced Audio, AAX, and AAX+), Apple Lossless, AIFF, and WAV.= same je.yawnss~~

-User-configurable maximum volume limit= so yesterday~

TV and Video

iTouch

- H.264 video up to 720p, 30 frames per second, Main Profile level 3.1 with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4 and .mov file formats

-MPEG-4 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Simple Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps per channel, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4 and .mov file formats

-Motion JPEG (M-JPEG) up to 35 Mbps, 1280 by 720 pixels, 30 frames per second, audio in ulaw, PCM stereo audio in .avi file format

-Support for 1024 by 768 pixels with Dock Connector to VGA Adapter; 576p and 480p with Apple Component AV Cable; 576i and 480i with Apple Composite AV Cable (cables sold separately)

iPhone4

-Video formats supported: H.264 video up to 720p, 30 frames per second, Main Profile level 3.1 with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; MPEG-4 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 48pixels, 30 frames per second, Simple Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps per channel, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; Motion JPEG (M-JPEG) up to 35 Mbps, 1280 by 720 pixels, 30 frames per second, audio in ulaw, PCM stereo audio in .avi file format= pretty much similar.

-Support for 1024 by 768 pixels with Dock Connector to VGA Adapter; 576p and 480p with Apple Component AV Cable; 576i and 480i with Apple Composite AV Cable (cables sold separately)=confirmd similarity.

Languages

iTouch

Localized UI

-English, English (UK), French, German, Traditional Chinese, Simplified Chinese, Dutch, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese (Brazil), Portuguese, Danish, Swedish, Finnish, Norwegian, Korean, Japanese, Russian, Polish, Turkish, Ukrainian, Hungarian, Arabic, Thai, Czech, Greek, Hebrew, Indonesian, Malay, Romanian, Slovak, Croatian, Catalan, Vietnamese=absolutely d same.

Localized Keyboards

-English, English (UK), French, French (Canadian), German, Traditional Chinese (handwriting, Pinyin, Zhuyin), Simplified Chinese (handwriting, Pinyin), Dutch, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese (Brazil), Portuguese, Danish, Swedish, Finnish, Norwegian, Korean, Japanese (QWERTY, Kana), Russian, Polish, Turkish, Ukrainian, Estonian, Hungarian, Icelandic, Lithuanian, Latvian, Belgian/Dutch, Swiss/French, Arabic, Thai, Czech, Greek, Hebrew, Indonesian, Malay, Romanian, Slovak, Croatian, Bulgarian, Serbian, Catalan, Tagalog, Vietnamese, Cherokee.=cherokee,which i do not know wht on earth of a language it is,is an addtional bonus on iT.

Localized Dictionaries

-English, English (UK), French, French (Canadian), German, Traditional Chinese (handwriting, Pinyin, Zhuyin), Simplified Chinese (handwriting, Pinyin), Dutch, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese (Brazil), Portuguese, Danish, Swedish, Finnish, Norwegian, Korean, Japanese (QWERTY, Kana), Russian, Polish, Turkish, Ukrainian, Hungarian, Lithuanian, Arabic (colloquial/regional and modern standard), Thai, Czech, Greek, Hebrew, Indonesian, Malay, Romanian, Slovakian, Croatian, Catalan, Tagalog, Vietnamese= somewhat similar.

Camera,photos and video.

iTouch

-Video recording, HD (720p) up to 30 frames per second with audio; still photos (960 x 720) with back camera

-VGA-quality photos and video up to 30 frames per second with the front camera

-Tap to control exposure for video or stills

-Photo and video geo tagging over Wi-Fi

iPhone4

-Video recording, HD (720p) up to 30 frames per second with audio=same

-5-megapixel still camera=if i already have an 8mp cam on my sony i wont be needing this.plus,i'll always prefer pics with nikon D90 muchmuch much more.

-VGA-quality photos and video at up to 30 frames per second with the front camera

-Tap to focus video or still images

-LED flash=lampu suluh kaa?pffffft.

-Photo and video geotagging

DAH,SIAPPPPPP!.so i DEFINITELY dont need and iPhone 4.they're prety much twins,only one has phone functions.but,i dont need tht if i alrdy hav a phone.plus,it'll be such a chore to text only with your thumb,or by tapping the touch qwerty ligthly.xde umphhhh.weirdly enough,i like texting and hearing the sound of my keypad click.Besides,txtg on iphone,we'll be more prone to mistakes, AND you might look like L from The Death Note:D

FINAL VERDICT.

>iPhone 4=rm2400

>iTouch=rm1079

first choice is twice the second's price.

wait for me,sayang!

yeayyyyy.nanti boleh main need for speed oyeahhhhh!

NAAAAAH.I dun need and i phone.

END OF STORY.

yeahhh.i dont need one.i'm convinced(partially)

;)

highlights of her fortnight.

2011-01-25T04:29:00.000-08:00

#1-donated 450 mils of blood and redisc0vered the shocking truth of being an A group.

#2-experiencd the true meaning of international friendship,where language is no barrier and boundaries gives no hindrance.

#3-korean guys(n girls)are extremely sweet when they want to.

#4-plan to survive on rm50 fr 1 week=Epic Fail *headbangin d walls*

#5-said a final farewell to one of her sisters with fun,laughter,and bonding moments=')

#6-learnt a new method of guys hitting girls i.e, singing classical s0ngs abt wanita melayu at d top of their lungs.

#7-in the name of ecological studies,suffered burnt skin and strained eyes from examining periwinkles and barnacles at tanjung bidara.

#8-had d 2nd most weird nightmare.

#9-is still graspg the fact that 0ne of the person she loved the m0st had a narrow escape from a terrorist bomb attack at an airport

#10-cracked her lenovo 450 at the side ,out of haziness and disorientd state of mind,causing one of the speakers to come off *tangisan bdarah* T__T

#10-is waiting anxiously for GG Ep12*shrieks*

#11-made herself honey lemon lychee rose flavord tea,supercombo to medicate her aching throat despite all the strepsils she swallowed.

#12-is grateful and thanks god with all her heart for evrytg HE gave and has in store for her.still having faith that everything happens for a solid underlying reason.

#13-is dearly missing her 3 lil prince and grandma.

#14-cant wait for 29th jan.flying bck h0me bebeh!!wuhuuu!('',)

needing some endorphines.

2011-01-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

too much emotion.a bucketful of stories.but the lips wont talk and the voice feels shy to come out.

feromones wont work,will they?

my brains tantrum-ing for attention.

Lagenda Budak Setan

2011-01-14T01:11:00.000-08:00

movie melayu.starring ahmad kamil.eh no.farid kamil.lisa surihani.que haidar.and a few more.

my friends said:

'best gilerrr!'

'ko patot tengok.ak sukaa sangatt'

'it's one of the best malay movies i've ever seen,and i dun mind watching it over and over again.'

bitter truth: I DONT THINK SO.pelik sangat ke aku ni?or maybe when they said 'good' i put my expectations up waaaay too high.i dont watch a lot of malay movies, i only enjoy the few good ones: sepi, pappadom, and sepet.Sepet,especially,changed my whole perception about malay movies.i watchd it during my sem break.a month++ ago.I know its a lil late to write a review.but to those few who feels regretful for not watching, dont.put your regret to a better cause.PLEASE.

so i have to admit,the story line for LBS was interesting,moving. but honestly, freaking predictable.i could've easily guessed how'd the story would go starting from the 30th minute of screening. i mean,i think other people would have been able to fill in the blanks too.and i just think that the whole plot of the story seem to jump from here to there.like,there are these gaps;before one event/conflict resolves,it just gets forgotten and a new one comes in.get it?like no continuation.it'd be better suited for series in my opinion, where they can focus more on these little details.

the gore blood, when lisa surihani had an accident,still reminds me of sirap pekat.like drenching a bucket of sirap pekat over lisa.it didnt look realistic la.it was a head on collision,and there were no smashed glass or crumpled bumper,just suddenly lisa sitting there behind the wheel drenched in sirap pekat.or maybe tomato sauce.and with no scratch/cut/injury/ impact wound, she just,bled away.

the beginning excited me a bit.putting cicak in the heroins' coke.cute way of fate bringing two people together.but then,they instantly bonded and fell in love with stiff conversations.not to mention,the whole script was boring and dead throughout. some actors can make falling in love at first sight sweet,and sorta keeps you believing that it does exist.but lisa and farid?maybe theres not enough on screen chemistry.maybe its the less coherent story outline.or maybe,it could be just me.

one more thing that kept bugging my mind was when azmi,her ex came all the way to her campus to fetch her, and tell her that her mom was ill.like.HELLLLLOOOOOOOO~??!bukannya telefon takde,komputer takde.bukannya takboleh msg,mms,bbm,im,call,skype,ICQ,or other means of communication.why,would you ever need a guy (especially your ex) to tell you that??nampak sangat tak prihatin hal mak sendri tengah sronok sangat becintun sampai nak call mak sndri pon taboleh.huuhhhh.*panas skejap*

saba saba.nak buat ceritalah gamaknye.takpelah,let it be.

sometimes terasa my 'intellectual being challenged'.~quoted from Coach Ridz.hehe.tetibe teringat.sorry coach,pinjam ayat! :P

tapi one improvement was the camera.i think the picture quality was satisfactory.and the way dye capture the events.how the camera and angles were set was really nice.i really liked the part when both of them cycled up to this spot on the hill,and another one when farid had to go to some kampung pedalaman,the clear blue waters was heavenly captured.

at least kan,we're not like those indonesian soap yang after satu event yang mengejutkan will go focusing every characters face for a good 30 seconds,tunjuk riak muka mata terbeliak etc etc.and then lepas complete one round of close up of all the characters,the do another good round of face-focusing.can you imagine?haha.err.no offence la.that IS good.it really accentuates how firm the faces of those actors and actresses are.heee ;D

oh.tapi the ending was pretty sad.but not a twist pun.it was expected.

so overall LBS verdict: another disappointment.>.<

oh yeah another thing.i x agree la why thay have to be so close like this.=/

That Girl.

2011-01-12T00:47:00.000-08:00

Nak tahu tak?nak tahu tak?kenapa kena tanya nak tahu tak when i'll write it down terus pun.okay.you wanna know somethg that i think you dotn know?(redundant) haha

Theres this girl.this girl i know. she,is an epic fail in many ways.thats the overall outerside only,that i can see.this girl, is stupid.like a no brainer.okay,no brains is to terlampau.but figuratively;a no brainer.she sucked big time in her results.BIG TIME. and sometimes,just to understand the simplest of things, she takes ages.like,longer than prehistoric men figured how to use rocks to kill or as cutlery. well, basically, her results just SCREAM stupidity outloud.i've never seen no one this far as dumb as her.no matter how hard she tries.it just stops there.like shes reached this level,this barrier of her inteligence level.it cant be pushed nymore,nor can it be lifted or removed.
and it doesnt stop there. dahla dumbo, this girl pulak,is lazy.she fools around too much.sebab tu lah kut her results are like #@%%$.tapi seriously, i've never seen anyone this worst.results cam !@#$ tapi pemalas macam !@#$!. so,eeeeeeeyuuuw.this girl. memang teruk.

this girl,is almost tak berguna to the community,evryone arnd her and whtsover apatah lagi the world.she doesnt do any good anywhere even to the plants around her.maybe shes too teruk sampai plants pon x sanggup absorb carbon dioxide that she in particular produced..ape reason dye ade kat sini pun???eerrrgghh!!eyesore adelah.muka bukan cantik pon.bende2 laen?hah.tepuk dahi tanya dia sendri.kalau presence dye can be invisible-ised,i think it'd do more to good to the society as a whole.

you heard this much and yo thinks its terrible?not just yet. this girl, menyusahkan orang je.
perangai buruk.serious. okay, firstly, evrything typed above,mesti can imagine can the amount of 'destruction' she'll cause. bayangkanlah to her parents.kene tanggung malu ade anak like this.keje penat2 sara the anak to live.bela.jaga.and product skrg?dpt smthg like her?is this what they call accident of nature?entahlah.but definitely,kesian kat mak ayah die.camne lah diorg bleh still mengaku anak kan.dahla pompuan tu tak grateful.merungut je tahu.erhh,who can stand a personality like that?astaghfirullahalazim.malukah agama dia untuk ade insan macam ni in the world.that depicts her failure seen by other peoples' eyes /lenses through her faith and religion she holds tu?
bab buang mase, memang this girl terror.she doesnt know how to manage time, how to manage things and how to manage her life.clueless.yes, gives you in black and white,EPIC FAIL.

tak tahulah nak buat ape dengan manusia macam ni.she's uncontrolable.i think she severely needs anger management.she's unpredictable.this girl, shes senselesss that she listened and trusted her heart,not her brains. thats what you get when you let your heart win.

dari segi kewanitaan, lagilah fail.Bakal2 mak mertua ,lelaki, mahupun wanita sume geleng kepala je tengok dye. Apsal? x ayu langsung. jerit bunyi macam shrek.okay.shrek punye jerit scary.jerit dye xlah scary tp sungguh tak ayu.tu baru jerit je.and then, this girl, if she gets too tensed she'll feel like punching things out.thank god lah, when she feels that, there's no punching bag or punching material available.she might have still in her a streak of carefulness cuz she x punch and destroy things down.but thats about the only amount of carefullness in her.other than that, she's a total klutz. and she just has no idean on taking care of the things she owned.i think kan,she loved them very much,but it;s just her despicable,destructful,un-womanly nature,that causes things around her,to not last long.teruk2.high maintainence,tapi........?
this girls habits are weird.she speeds around up to 80 on normal traffic average city roads just to have the thrill of it,to challenge herself and to channel all her tense out.dekat highway, apetah lagi.160 pun maybe pernah sampai.oh.and she has this way of laughing.the sound?i cant find words to describe it.tapi,when she smiles,mulut dye cam tersekat.err.i tak tahulah camne i boleh notice that.but this girl,just gets on my nerves,and i cand stand her.

i x reveal her name.so tak dikira mengumpat lah.plus,i think i teraniaya just by her pure existance. so,dibenarkan talk about this.

do i need a conclusion, do i need to sum it all up?this is not a debate,but if it were to be a debate,all my points stand strong as concrete.its not an arguement,no need for that.i think everyone pretty much agress that this girl is terrible,horrible.lagi masyhuk in BM: TERUK.

this girl is a dud scum.

Hardships and frustation.

2011-01-08T06:25:00.000-08:00

subhanallah.

honestly,this week has been frustrating-period-

registration for our new semester was on monday,but i arrived late at the office and so i had to wait for the next day.next day came,and i got a warning letter.reason being: not doing room clearance.Its these 'procedural' things you have to do each end of semester.Apparantly,leaving ur stuff in the room and not reporting yourself to the pejabat is a felony here.You go up there just to say "encik,saya nak balik dah,jumpe lagi.bye" ??.padahal its the same old room we'll come back to pun.huh.pfffft.pape lah pple~

2nd day of the week,tuesday we had academic briefing.like normal lah.oh wait.it WASNT like normal.we had to carry plastic chairs to the hall.then sit in the path pple walk to stage.then rearrange,stand up in front of the whole hall.carry chairs to front,and......okay.stop.alryte,i should stop wining.=_=during the academic briefing, i learnt that half of the IMU students were set to fasttrack.which means,instead of spending 4 endless smester in intec,they'll be only doing 3.somehow,JPA changed their mind.JPA just so decided to stop doing this fast track thing in my year and decided oh-so-gayly to continue again for the juniors. sorry.sedikit emo disitu.=.=

after that discouraging point,i went upstage to talk to mam rita.about our individual investigation.apparantly, she STRONGLY disagrees with the idea of students doing it at labs outside campus.i reasoned out my points and she said it wont be fair.final word: "okay,see me tomorrow at 4.my room.you and amirah".after politely saying thankyou,i sunk in my broken ship again.whtever that is~

wednesday,we got most of our papers back.results.my paper?my result?i dare not speak it out.major S.(note; s can tand for any word that has or brings about the same meaning as s*ck)MAJOR.with my horrendous results in mind, i waited till 4pm to meet mam rita,our head of program.10 minutes early,did not do any good cuz there was a solid que of students already,all waiting too see her.there was like a kedai kopi already,outside her office.

4.30 pm sharp.no sign of her.i was so nervous that she'd keep stern and force us to do it in intec.using only the resources there.GOSHHH!i spent a week ++ doing the trials.and that was only trials.i dug up DIRT in search of bacteria.i stained my hands with iodine and safranin. my sisters labcoat that was creme colour turned into an abstract of black smudges.i stood for hours diluting 75 solutions. i put up with the horrible smell of raw nutrient agar and bacteria [which i hate so much] for a whole week!PROOF:

bayangkan,weigh metals for all the test tubes,manually.

making sure everything was clean,contamination free,before i do a whole new set of dilutions.

if you can see those little stickers on all 75 test tubes;it was cut them and labled manually.handwitten.by me.

i took the whole evening to do this.only this.

and this,was the total mess of that evening.note,only one evening.

it's not that i'm complaining but intec does lack some lab tools and apparatus.and i must say, in that lab of ours, the sterile level, might only be 0.1%.

my bacteria babies are all back there waiting for me.what am i to do!and my fren kept saying "what if tak boleh?", "what if mam rita,tak bagi?" psycho kau!mcm nak gile that agonizing hour!

i texted papa,gathered my strentgh and put all my faith in Allah.tawakkal.du'a.

and to keep myself calm and composed i just remembered this.

"fa inna ma'al 'usri yusra.inna ma'al 'usri yusra" alhamdulillah.tenang sikit after reciting it in my heart,eyes closed,hands fisted, i head to mam rita's room when she finally signalled us to come in.

She was real busy,and those sharp piercing looks she threw at us when we were standing outside her room was most discouraging.i just smiled as we entered and clenched my hands tighter.

"lets just put it this way", she started. oh no,i thought.if a sentence starts like that it always ends with a No.or something you would'nt want.

but,

Alhamdulillah, berkat my papa's du'a.she finally agreed to give us the permission,on one condition;we must send in written statements we did the experiment ourselves.

alhamdulillah.syukur ya Allah.

at least thats one load off my mind.

"for indeed with hardship will be ease"

"indeed,with hardship will be ease"

what I do to let it out.

2011-01-08T04:15:00.000-08:00

i dont seem that frustrated at a glance.i seem just okay.but i dont tell that to people.there are some things words cant say, and i find myself dumfounded if i let it out to let people know.so i let it out this way.they are'nt perfect,just like me.they are'nt pretty, just like me.but they make me feel better.

sometimes i do feel like doing those kickboxing thing,where you kick and punch stuff.gosh wont that be awesome.but for now,i think this will do.

sketch and conteng

done in under 25 mins.rough scribbling.

15 mins of my heart out.

01-01-2011

2011-01-01T18:49:00.001-08:00

full of ones for the first day of this year,the first year i'll have a '-ty' in my age..yet, a recap of last year?not full of number ones for me.but all in all,i think i did learn, a lot of things, from my own mistakes and from other’s.

to tell you the truth,i dont really quite like last year.but even writing that sentence,i feel that i’m being such a spoilt little unthankful troll thats never grateful.so, in order to divert from that direction,i think i’ll just jot down the memory of today.

1st January 2011,i spent the whole day with my parents,in my everfaithful baby vi(name manje for myvi.petname la kunun).We seldom get full concentrated times like these together ,so i pretty much savour every moment of it. The silence in the car when we passed through the hills and valleys of the malaysian peninsular highway,somehow takes us a trip back to memory lane.

I NEVER get tired of driving and the three sentences my ears were trained to this time from papa were:

#1-“jaga lane,jaga lane”

#2-“jangan laju,hujan, turun bukit”

#3-“slow slow, corner lipat tuhh.ishh budak ni lahh!”

okay.most of it were like that lah.but 1 thing good i noticed is papa seemed more calm.no more actions of his legs trying to jam the invisible break and he no longer holds on to the handle,above the window frame.this can only mean two things; papa is used to my driving OR my driving has improved.and,in spirit of accentuating the positive,i choose to believe in number 2 :)

i didnt get sleeepy at all this time, and i loved the pure time we spent together.it gets my mind off from thinking i have to go back to INTEC(nightmare=\),at least.i like these sessions cuz out of the blue,you get to know unexpected things.hehe.i love to ‘korek’(dig out) my parents secrets. stories of before i was even conceived.like how papa would carry books and food for mama, how mama was trained before meeting her bapk mertua, and how they were nearly involved in arranged marriages by family.

WHAT??rewind….!arranged marriages?lol.

then they told me how crazy studying was[which sent chills to my marrow].and they started mentioning names of people who repeated,who were referred and those people turned out to be good doctors in the end..i can see now,that this is THEIR reverse psychology for me.and i appreciate it .haihhh.

the topics went wild,almost about anything under the sun and they seem more open now, at least i think. for a while,we were talking about bunga telur, mas kahwin and their wedding history,along with other family members’ story.and papa was giving a warning [which i CLEARLY undersrood] in a semi-joking tone, that i am too young for involvement in relationships.yeah,he means the romantic kinda relationship.BUT, one sentence yang ‘x boleh blah’ [or in other words outrageous] from mama is……

"adik,kalo ade boyfriend, mama ketuk kepala dia.ha, siapla”

omg.tros feel like nak gelak guling sambil driving inside that car.hahahahaha.my parents can be real funny sumtimes.tp,on any given occasion,they are my heroes,they are my idols.~first love that leads them to marriage.and alhamdulillah,they went thru thick and thin together.i notice, they’re (slightly more) inseperable then a teenage couple yang still warm warm (err,tanak tulis chicken shit)yang still warm warm ~~core body temperature~~ (tak cukup sweet lah) yang still warm like the heart myogenically pushing blood through our arteries and veins.. wah!!x puitis langsung petuihhh!

so,yeah.i look up to them a lot.and mama papa, dont worry. i wont have a boyfriend.trust me.

eh,but i’m STRAIGHT,okayy.haha

hopefully i'll get to be a better me.insyaAllah.amin.

NabilahRashid

2010-12-24T03:38:00.001-08:00

siapa tuu?

thats my name,when you take Fathin and Abdul out.

this is my name,when i was in london mase gred one dlu.okay.juz a name with two words, 5 syllables.

sebab all those mat salleh confuse nak sebut name like my first name.especially when it's spelt like that.and the expulsion of Abdul was due to the name always being associated with terrorists.my dad has been facing troubles goin to the US bcuz of this.

whats her name again?

Fathin Nabilah Abdul Rashid

is this a new nickname or sthg?

no,not a nickname.its part of my name,its simpler,and i like it.

i had lotsof nicknames/profile names to start with,and i've always been looking for 1 different one,one disticnt one.bcuz i love originality.

story of my life?

after i was born,one of my mum's friend fancied my name so much and hence named her daughter likewise.so,since i was a toddler lagi,i've been facing this prob.[someone,please understand!] whenever pple call my first name,usually more than 1 pple will turn their heads.n,its demmm embarassing if the person theyre calling is not you.Google lah sendiri.Fathin Nabilah.brape juta billion ade pple with that name.

So far,i think i have met,in real life,5 pple with MY NAME.:[tolonglah paham how this feels]

the lucky five are..my junior yg same school ,a friend of an internet friend [ended up adding me bcuz of the name crisis],a friend of a friend.[under afriend of a friend tuh,ade 3 pple]

so,in search of a more distinct name.i chose FNAR.as in acronym,of my initials.ohohhohhohh.and i just discovered what it means on urbandictionary.com.BAD.REAL BAD.*especially #4

so,pergilah pulak ke nabs.thats my signature.too bad it cant be changed cuz i signed my passport,bank document and IC with this.as i grew older,[and had more vocabulary] barulah terpikir nabs is like nabbing=means,stealing.and,betapa x glamournye nabs,cuz it might be used by other pple like Nabrushka(russian), Anabella(british),Nabita(japanese), Nabbas(indian) and of course the most famous, Jenab Kurab(malayan folklore,betul ke?) xD.see.x glamour lgsg.

thank god,untill now theres only 1 person who regularly calls me nabs.and he's not one of my close friends phun.phew~

so,after decades [1.5 decade and 4 years] i finally wanted to stick back to Nabilah Rashid.it reminds me of all my lunchbox,bags ,storybooks and personal drawer at Davies Lane Infant School,all labelled with this very name.

little did i know.....there are MORE people who goes by this very name.ade utube account,a nine year old kid punya rundown blog, dsbg nya.frust gila wohh!

you know the feeling, when you step on the gas paddle hell hard,and speed hell fast chasing the green traffic light .you're so near,and then it flicks to yellow for a split second and then *poof* red!and you HAVE to stop the car because of phobia of being chased by police and kene saman for speeding.can you feeeeel the frustation??amagad.i can feel it already as i type it down =_=

well this time i'm telling you,i'm sticking with this name and i wont change!i'm tired of having the same name.i'm tired of being in an identity crisis [konon] and i'm tired of washing the dishes!sebab today dishes extra banyak and bekas sup tulang so all the fatty deposit melekat on all the dishware and i had to boil periuks of water to make the fat melt becuz sunlight is not as efficient as they claim when it comes to cow fat on dirty dishes.merengek merapu macam budak histeria sebab rindu bibik. :P

so,there. My name is NabilahRashid, and i'm not a terrorist.haha.sorry mr. SRK,pinjam line kejap=)

F(A)ITH.Alhamdulillah.

2010-12-20T22:54:00.000-08:00

faith is a strong word.it means having to believe, or putting your trust into something,with no reservations,no conditions, no proof,nor evidence needed.

faith is what pple reach for when there's nothing left.

faith is the ground you wish to step on when you are drifted away.

and faith is what one holds on to close.like their last breath,or like hanging on to dear life

God works in mysterious ways,and we fail to see that.faith IS a strong word,but FAITH in Allah keeps the blood coursing through my veins till i wake up. Faith in ALLAH is the only strength that keeps me going on day by day, no matter what happens.Faith, that He will protect me,that He will always be close to me,that He will choose the best for me, that the path i was destined to by Him is tread only for me.

Mostly,when we dont get what we WANT, we grumble,complain,ad stumble through.without even stopping to live in the second,and see the beauty of why things happen for a reason.

'Things Happen For a Reason' .

its so cliche,so tacky to some.but to me,these mere five words, make up a sentence that brings on a whole new perspective.

about 3 days back,during lunch with mama,she received a call.She was so absorbed,like with all her other calls,her eyes rounded, her mouth gasped.i wasnt at least feeling surprised as shes always full of expressions.i heard her mention 'accident' in between those gasps and sighs.So my curiosity led me to ask ' sape yang kene accident?staff mama?'

there was a slight pause.with gleaming eyes,ma looked straight at me and said,

'papa'

i swear i couldve dropd to my knees right at that second.but i cant.i have to appear strong.for mama,at least.

right after she said what i most did not expect to hear, there was a call on my phone from an unknown number.i picked up,the voice was familiar.

"adik,papa ni.have you heard the news?'

i was happy.speechless and barely breathing at the same instance.hearing papas voice made me sane again,for a wile.but i was still in a sort of tranz,bcuz all the thoughts,and flashes of possibilities ran into my head.i did not want to think about the worst case scenario.not close.but,humans plan,and God takes control.my strong front,didnt pull of successfully as i try wipe of the tears so ma wont see it.

we spent hours of agony waiting.although he called to say hes okay,there's this possibility,that my father hav not been telling the truth.for fear of us panicking.not letting us know,to keep us safe from worry.papa has always been like that,putting everythg else before him,especially when it comes to family.

a conformation call from my uncle toned down the worry a bit.a bit.i couldnt find serenity again,not without seeing papa again.

alhamdulillah,.alhamdulillah,syukur.at 11-ish,a white vios arrived,a few men came out,his staff i guess.then finally papa stood up,his arm slinged with a tie to his neck.i felt like hugging him,and holding on to him forever never to let go.this was the first time i was in AnE,for reasons of immediate family.alhamdulillah.not a visible scratch,and x-ray only oncovered slight muscle tension in his shoulders.obviously,there had to be some impact from the roaring momentum.and thank Allah,it was minored down to only the impact of the seat belt buckle to his right shoulder.alhamdulillah.

biiznillah,my father survived a motor-vehicle accident and managed to crawl through the little openings and cracks to go out of the car.the 4-wheel drive he drove rocketed 15feet up high to the slope and hit a tree trunk which broke into two.the car then tumbled down from the height,rolling on the slope and finally hit the concrete drain.our fortuner was an immediate wreck,and people who saw the condition of it told us that they cn barely imagine what were to happen to the driver,with the vehicle being dented and glass smashed.

i cant imagine what papa has gone through while he was conscious and awake throughout the whole crash.he said he saw our fortuner heading straight to the hills and could do nothing except express his faith: 'ash ha du alla ila ha ilallah,wa ash ha du anna muhammadarrasulullah.i bear witness that there is no god but Allah,and prophet Muhammad is his rasul(messenger)'

alhamdulillah,syukur ya Allah.i love my father,my role model,my motivator,my jester,..i just cant imagine...i cant even type it down.

note to self, i know i'm not good at expressing or saying things that i feel but i will definitely let all my special angels on earth know how much they mean to me.remind urself to put more 'i love yous' at the end of each call,more 'hellos' and 'how are you' from now on.

definitely,definitely more 'i love yous'.for as long as i live. insyaAllah.

The Bacteria Days arent Gone

2010-12-19T22:42:00.000-08:00

things i favor the least, a.k.a despise:
#1-the smell of raw nutrient agar powder.
#2-the smell of bacteria inside the incubator.
#3- waking up 30 minutes before apptmt time.

things i newly discovered i like and least despise:
#1- maen tarik2 parafilm.the texture is chewy,like sugus (western version:fruitella).just that it's in a film shape.
#2-taking pictures via microscope eyepiece,using NIKON COOLPIX.aha.
#3- vortexing contents of test tube.it vibrates hard :D

#4- the wonderful smell of 70% alcohol.mmm.ahhhhhh

but i like number 1 the most.someday,when i'm really bored and have like a surplus like overflowing money, i think i'll buy a stock of parafilm to play with.then i can let my kids play with them.then my grandchildre.then my great grandchildren. efficient.heh.

*i think those bacterias have gotten into my head.

Daisy(;

2010-12-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

These darlings are adorable.they arent my favorite flowers.come to think of it,i dont have any favorite flowers,yet.hehe

i usually take HOURS before i buy a new perfume, sniffing each scent every store has to offer until i find the right one.it can be very disappointing sometimes cuz at the end of the day,every scent morphs into the same thing and i end up just picking any one of the bottles,to save my senses from anymore nasal torture.

well this time, nasal torture no more,thanx to papa!love you papa!heee *hearts*

Marc Jacob's Daisy,is no new release. They have a 'sister' fragrance;Lola.A lot of other reviews say that Lola is more adult-ish, far from the age range targetted for Daisy(18-25,yeay i'm in the range!^^) .Daisy scents a slightly sweet tinge,balanced by a very refreshing note,conveying a sort of grassy spring-meadow feel. It lingers long,giving a pleasant smell that just shouts 'heres a young lady ready to charm the world'!

The scent is distinct,nothing i've whiffed before and one more bonus point is that its an EDP,which means=more concentrated and longer lasting.

The base notes include: wild strawberry,violet leaves,ruby red grapefruit,gardenia,violet petals,very sheer jasmine,musk,vanilla and white woods.

No wonder i easily fall in love with this scent,it has vanilla and musk,the two top choices on my list. i have always gone for sweet, fruity,bubblegummy smell,so i'd have to say, this is an intermediate. A minor sweet part-infused with its own fresh and ladylike characteristics

change is constant,and it never hurts to try somethg new,ryte?

feminine sweetness captured in an overrated bottle.lol!

(spring repackaging)

there are also other variants of daisy:

the pop art edition

the first release,in EDT.

the limited edition packaging;Daisy Blooms,complete with stickers.hah!

The bottles might be different,but they all smell pretty much the same.the versions only differ in the emphasis of notes,though it does not affect the whole character of the smell.

oh,but wait.theres moreeeeeeee:

Marc Jacob Daisy,pendant watch.

Daisy solid perfume ring and gold pouch.

Beauty pouch

Daisy Beaded Bag.

OMG!They have DAISY BAGSSS!ADOOORABLE!genuine leather supercute ftw omg wth!

okay.i better stop myself before things get ugly -.-

thanx again pa!i know i can trust your taste.almost-- most of the time.:P

High highsighhhh

2010-12-16T09:15:00.000-08:00

GD and Top always make a good pair of collabo.

this is the first time i've seen top in blonde hair,and he blows me away.

with this in mind,i'd wanna get high high everytime,baby.

tribute:GossipGirl

2010-12-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

Gossip girl has become one of my addictions.i am CRAZY abt this show.i think it's abt the only series i so loyally follow.theres this inner voice inside of me,an intuition, that gossip girl,is nearly ending.
My biological clock is somewhat set every tuesday,thats when i'll start 'menggedix' for the latest episode.usually my classmates become the mangsa.i'll nag mei, my faithful supplier for downloaded copies.ahhh..good ol times ;p
Tuesday,14th december,no new episode of gg was aired.
insider info (cehh,insider;esha thats you;p) reports that GG season 4 episode twelve will only come out on january 24.proof:nah
haiihh.they always like to do this.make me wait in agony>.<

kelantanized version of gossip girl

beley wodoh

Blair Waldof

cakkbah
chuck bass
Repih
rufus
Leley
lily
Sereyna wengdoksong
yea.u guessed it;serena van derwoodsen

haha.to medicate my unquenched addiction,a special tribute: heres a compilation of my favorite gg quotes.in handwriting form!;)x nampak pape?saje xnak bg nampak.haha.
boley zoom da

gg,cepatlah kluar.please.

obsession log.#1

2010-12-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

its a big fat lie if i say i CAN live without my handphone.and i bet for everyone else too.my handphone,is like my second heart,my pace maker (ok.terlampau melampau).i just think its something i have to have by myside,my reminder,alarm clock,boredombuster,birthday reminder,organiser,calendar,camera,dictionary,music/video player,my ultimate medium of communication=my lifeline. makes me think,how did pple zaman dulu survive.maybe,like this;
haha.did the flintstones communicate like this dlu?oh,now i remember.mr flint had a handphone right?except it was made of stone.or,something like this;?

motorola microtac, first cellphone ever made

banyak laa micro, macro ade la.this can be used as a murder tool.if it was this phone naomi campbell threw at her assistant, she'd be imprisoned for homicide already.

evolution of handphones

then came the bulky one(second from left,pic abv).i still remember my papa's phone.blue colour.giler berat,i dunno how it fit into his pocket.haha.and there were these jokes, when pple call u'll laugh bcuz the vibrating is ticklish.=.= agak LAME~ *capital L*
and now we have:

i-phone and blackberry;dengan torch x torchnye.
infact ade org nak buat iPad jadi phone.LMAO.

tapi mine:

ok.there are some minor scratch.but i just love it as it is~

it doesnt matter if all my other fmly members gune yg touch screen,and i'm the only one left behind..(na wat camne xde rezeki) lol.at least i cant count on my bby; it doesnt hang(as long as i dun overcrowd it) the battery survives long enough, it has bluetooth for easy file sharing,wiFi,video playback,sweet camera, and most important;the phone itself survives: me.

currently my message tone is a recording of a bunch of kids(ank2 intec staff) saying: 'kak nabilah,kak nabilah ade message.kring kring'
papa dah naik meluat dengan this messagetone.he'll immitate d tone in his 'perfectly' high pitch mode voice and then say'hish,sakit hatiii ak' sambil geleng kepala.den suddenly just now he said asked me to record my voice and do something similar like that for his messagetone.BIG HAHA!

oh.one eenie meenie tiny confession; i dont quite understand the obsession with iphone( crappy pics,short battery life, hang) and blackberry(is'nt it hard to fiddle those small keypads?)

Miss Dior Cherie

2010-12-13T04:23:00.000-08:00

bukan.

ni: Enchanteur Paris

enchanteur: brings me memories.this is my nenek's favourite brand.

bedak enchanteur, lotion enchanteur, sabun enchanteur, deodorant enchanteur.

sume enchanteur. dulu la.skarang she prefercs medicated talks.okay.i didnt mean to write bout my nenek =_='

anyyywayss,look at the bottle of this 'new' perfume.nice kan?pretty?

AHAHHHHHH!!!

enchanteur tiruuuuuuuuu!!

sejibikbijik same ngan bottle perfume miss dior cherie!and i just noticed because i saw enchanteur's advert on tv just now.

i can only see the difference at the lable. i dont keep my perfume bottles,so i cant actually check every inch of the dimension whether its the same or not.but surely,from my naked eye,i can see the stark similarity.

i feel a bit offended(on behalf of dior's) because enchanteur copycatmioaw the bottle design. :'(

senang2 jek tiru, and its more than obvious that dior released their perfume first.

huhh!

gg season 4 episode 11

2010-12-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

today is 7th december 2010,tuesday.tuesdays are when gossip girl is aired on cw.tv.first thing i did was search on the net for episode 11.i downloaded the torrent from eztv directly but then i found a site to stream online.so,torrent cancelled.

call me looney if u eant,but i'm partially addicted =_="

this episode has a lot of reminiscing in it and it uncovers a LOT of past secrets and scandals.

it seems like everything has resolved and it got me thinking this episode is the seasons finale.is it?

anyways,chucks going to new zealand leaving blair behind.:((

whats GG wifout chuck and blair? <3

-addictionsettled-

route to the airport.

2010-12-03T17:10:00.000-08:00

The 5 day program was a memory i'd never trade for anything in the world.:)

The 1750 KL-KB flight yesterday was smooth,no turbulence,no delays.it wasnt jam packed and i still had space for my backpack in the overhead compartment.

the pre-flight events,on the other hand,was horrible.i felt,sorta accomplished at first,cuz i arrived 5o mins before estimated time of departure,but still,that wasnt good enough.-_-

the trip to lcct,was a failure~ you people who want to know whats the most economical way to get to LCCT from shah alam,better peel your ears open right now!!;p

instead of doing the normal kl central-LCCT trip,via taxi then ERL, i decided to try another route. Taxi from shah alam to putrajaya sentral(erl station) then erl to salak tinggi,followed by shuttle(provided) to LCCT.i THOUGHT it would be cheaper,and time saving.

it was a friday,so thats why maybe there was a congestion.it took me 45 mins to reach putrajaya sentral and it cost rm45!thats around rm15 more to kl central,which might take me only around half an hour to reach. Geographically,putrajaya IS much closer to s.alam than kl central but i dont know why it took longer,and more money.i didnt memorize the erl schedule so i ended up wasting 26 mins waiting for it at putrajaya.

my normal route; s.alam-kl central via taxi(rm30) and then erl to salak tinggi (rm12.50) would take around an hour and a half to reach. since it involves goin in to kl first,the probability of being caught in a traffic jam,is supremely likely.esp on fridays.

so:

route 1-s.alam-kl central[cab] then kl central -lcct[erl] =rm42

route 2-s.alam-putrajaya[cab] then putrajaya-lcct[erl] =rm55

route 3-s.alam-lcct[cab] =around rm 60.

i cant say which one is more time economical but route 3 is seriously risky since you might get stranded in a traffic jam.route 2, should be the best if theres no jam to putrajaya.putrajaya to salak tinggi is around 10 mins and salak tinggi to lcct is around 20 mins.to plan your trip better,i think it is best if you have the erl train schedule;life would be MUCH easier.

am currently in Tasik Banding now, and the view is spectacular :)

the drive up here with papa last nite was warm,familiar, and delightful.i have always loved being in the passenger seat of his fortuner, de-shelling peanuts for him and talking about weird things,topics that are rarely ever brought up. sipping hot choc and white coffee on the go,in the pouring rain made it ever more cosier! :)

this is the view i woke up to this morning,subhanallah!:)

fav shot![daddy cant see the art tho :(]

letting emotions run through the nerves to the keyboard.letting her heart out of it's cage.

2010-12-02T05:51:00.000-08:00

here she is again.here it comes again.here the tears reappear.

listening to songs that makes her weep more inside.

yes,she is at it again.she is even having pauses to write this whole paragraph down.stopping for long breaths,inhaling,to suck in all the air around her.sucking in as if its the only medicine that can cure all the messed up things shes feeling now.

dear,why do you always let the weaker side of you win?enough of crying yourself to sleep.tears arent your best friend anymore,remember?you said goodbye to them,quite a while ago.u vowed to never or at least seldom acquaint with them anymore. you told yourself,that you can do this, you can pull off, and you CAN be strong,rmember?

dear,you chose this path.

dear,you keep replaying it out loud in your head.

but oh dear, who is there to fool?

nobody.not a single soul.

angels have broken wings sometimes.and at some point, the everbright sun will come down,no matter what. every peak, has it's valley. the clear blue skies,have their gloomy clouds too.it's okay to shed a tear sometimes.because everytime you're feeling weak,when u think you are weak, u are actually giving yourself the opportunity to grow stronger.insya-Allah.

Every soul must taste of death, and We try you with evil and with good, for ordeal.wa ilaina turja'un.

-al-anbiyaa,verse 35.-

just have faith,dear.have faith in Him.

fill your heart with faith,so that theres not a single particle of space left for doubt.

faith.faith.strength.

i'm going for a bath~~~~~

sigh.

and it's been a while now.

2010-11-29T06:36:00.000-08:00

post title?

not actually.it's been ages.

was busy with raya haji,then hosp attchment,and now program with peka intec.

theres just so much to tell,for each of the events above.but i just dunno how to start.or mayb,being home,sorta inhibits my blogginism.=_="

13th nov i had an interview with Ben,from fly.fm,14 n 15th was just hangin round kl,discovering uniqlo.16th,i started driving upto kedah (it was raining elephants and hippos),17th involved a lot of brutal meat cutting acts, and finally on 18th we reached kelantan.thankfully, for the journey s.alam-kedah-kb, no new speeding tickets were recorded :DD 22nd -26th was the whole week of hospital attachment,where i saw meat,in the flesh,pain and suffocation and even death.

and here i am back in akasia.its awfully eerie and quite here.the whole block 1 is empty,infact the blocks near it are all empty two.if akasia was divided into two,only the portion near the gate has residents.and we can be numbered;around 30.so yeah,walking to get stuff from my room sent shivers up my spine.i'll have to kill my ego for the nite,and stop pretending i'm not afraid cuz i frggin am!Lol.alhamdulillah my dear friend was kind enuff to ask me to her room.

sequence of events for the day:

1-the day started with a lecture from dearest papa abt time managmt. =s still cant get that right.

2-nearly missed my rescheduled flyte.miraculously managed to check in 30 minutes before estimated time of departure.

3-out of havoc and rush i noticed i left my roomkeys at home.thankgod for plan B; duplicate key at nearby shop;)

4-started reading peaks and valleys,finished peaks and valleys.

5-left luggage in the shuttle bus at salak tinggi ERL station,only realising it after passing through the ticket-automated gates.thankgod bellboy brought it to me while laughing and saying 'forget?'.oh.i did not appreciate the laugh that much.but he was good enough.thank you mr.bellboy:)

6-almost nearly ran over some dude's foot with my luggage-trolley-bag.i felt it hit a small bump,the next thing i know, i dropped the handle which landed on the guy's foot.a sincere apology from a flushed red faced girl,who was embarassingly humiliated was accepted by the kind unfortunate man. 'takpe,takpe' he said, while i walked away heads down,covering my face with the book i have in hand.sorry again mr.honestly from me.wherever you are.

7-nearly got my first summon at INTEC gate.i have sneaked and survived 3 semesters,but on this monday, which actually happens to be a no-class day,i nearly got my first summon.guess what the offense was....pakai shortsleeve?nope.pakai tights?nope.xde kad matrik?nope.wait for it,wait for it....

pak guard:"adik,tidak menyangkut kad matrix,maknenye tanpa tali dan bekas merupakan satu kesalahan.dan saya kena tulis saman suapaya nanti bila ade orang HEP tanye saya dah ade bukti dan saya dah lepas"

me:. . .*startled and clueless*[but inside my head:you wanna make a big deal out of me not hanging my ID card?its not tht i didnt show you,just that it was not hanged bcuz i left the casing at home and u want to freakin saman me for that???]

for the past 3 sems, i barely put on my nametag be it at college nor INTEC and not once was i caught for summon.but,my record is steal clean now. =) (only after i promised pakguard i'll go buy the casing at ko-op straight away)

.......

8-alhamdulillah.every valley has it's peaks.the whole afternoon was ultimately precious .i LOVED spending time with the kids, beratur in a line, walking together, and hearing them call me 'teacher2' was priceless :)

sunway= awesome!! :)

2010-11-14T07:31:00.000-08:00

Today was awesome.

The end.

HAHAHA.dont dream that,those two sentences are all i can say about today. bcuz, out of ripped pants and so called preserverance to stay OUT of water, i decided that WETS is BESTS.

heeeeee :D

At 10++we bought tickets rm70, for 3 parks;amusement, wet and wildlife.yet, we olny managed to venture only two parts of sunway lagoon.still i think it was worth every penny:)

(eventho my water bottle was confiscated*haha.kerek gler mende ni pon nak berkire*)

ride number one:

wild wild west. machoness still under control, aside of my butt being practically lifted off the seat.

ride number two:

Pirate's revenge. memang revenge kawkawwlah.haha.x scary much, cuz it was moving super slow.but i could feel beads of nervous perspiration on my forehead. a bit.

ride number 3:

tomahawk. giler x tahan. i had to shut my mouth shut so i wont puke.regret taking milo ice for breakfast. eeergh.it was wet, sticky,humid,hot and made 2 complete 360 revolutions.it was too much upside-downess for my organs. my blood was pooling up in my brain, and didnt get co come down yet and we went for anther inversion; deathwish. memang cari maut~

ride number 4:

scaryyy.ghosts?vertigo? nahhh.WATER slide!haha.i didnt plan to get wet, but....my friends managed to drag me here.colorado splash.i was afraid i would get wet,amazingly,i escaped dry.jengjenggg~!!

ride number 5:

buffalo ride.ride budak kecik,malu sehingga menutup muka.

BUT, my body reacted as in about to puke way.luckily, no puking whtsoever!

ride number 6:

grand canyon river rapids.BEST!! trying to avoid water splashing ryte at ur face memang best.this ride actually depends on pure luck. theres no mathematics or equation on where water might splash in. we though we figured out when and how and where water will splash in, we were so wrong. evidence: farah got kuyup, the whole lateral~ HAHA. (seronok glakkan org mentang2 kite x basah.HEEE.)

ride number 7:

ride number 7 was lunch :D not a ride sangat lah.but we stopped for lunch,ice cream, solat and a change of outfit, all ready to hit the waters!oh, and my plan to stay OUT of water, was an epic fail~! cuz evry part of me got wet yawww,till my fingers pruned up!

ride number 8:

we went on this slide thing.Congo challenge;AWESOME!!eventho we had to wait for long, and i had to face this scary muka-kerek-lifeguard, twas all worthwile.oh, manual to ride this piece of rubber : none.just poke ur hands in the holes at the front, grab it and hold tight to your chest, and just slide, but instead of sitting on ur bums, ure lying flat,the other way round, and u go headfirst,cool! :p

ride number 9:

african pythons.took the leftmost n the middle.the righmost was fully covered,so, x challenge lah. amirah said she saw me raise my hand up in the air from afar.haha.thats the least i could do to get the 'feel'

after that, i think we just waddled through the river and the big pool.amazing how 7 chics can fit on a 2 seater float.my feet were among the few nobel propellers.haha.we had sum drama in the big pool; 'sumone'' pants got torn at the bumm.LMAO.but all is well.we went out only when the rain was too heavy and when we heard thunder.due to the gloomy wheather and long line,we couldnt bother to see the pics captured by sunways amature nikon-ers (haha.saje ckap amature).after changing and asar, we got back safe,sound and happy :)

the pelampung (;

cinta pakai buang.

2010-11-06T18:21:00.001-07:00

interestg title.at 1st glance it sounds like sumkinda t*u*l*w****a pakai buang. simply translated to english is 'disposable love'/this was an event coorganized by nisa,with wardina as one of d speakers along with an oncologist(if im n0t mistaken) and starring aizat:openin n closg songs.

#unfortanately i didnt get to go for sveral reasons.my frens were kind enuf to share recordg and stories though=D

amazingly a gr8 crowd turnd up evntho it was held at giants carpark/section 18 shah alam.despite the drizzling too.

anyways a few points n facts caught my attention, which is definitely worth sharing :D

#1-a random survey was done on 727 muslim youths in mesia,the question was "does any of ur frens or any1 u know hav experience of doing IT?if so would u say ther r more than 5 of them?"

sadly.50% answrd YES. confdntly.

#2-a casual obsvation done by d speakr dr found out that when couples were seen together and askd directly if they are girlfren-boyfrend~simultaneously girls would say yes while their guy partner will admit theyr just friends.

#3-single girls tend to wondr why theyr single when almost evry1 arnd them has a partner.they feel like sthgs wrong wif them and feel the need of a guy.

#4-girls do need constant reassurance.compliments especially.which is mainly the father's job...when fathers do this they wont get easly influencd by c0mments by guys who juz wanna get in their pants.

#5-this is my favourite part.=) a father is always a daughters first love.true enuf thats y i think papa feels so reluctant to see his children grow up.its cuz he doesnt want to face that one day his baby girls will love a man other than him..

also relating to the earlier statement i do remember seeing kids/ toddlers who wanted to marry their father.nothg to do with inc**t.no.please no.please think of it in a sweet way;).

as in, from the perspctve of a 3yr old who knows nothing but just sees her father as the ONLY man in the word, the perfect man~.oh. and i rembr theres an ancient chinese saying which goes sumthing like; a daughter is actually the fathers lover in d previous life.which i think is uber sweet!*superhyper like! :)*

the dr also mentioned that a caring father is one that cant bear seeing his daughter sleepg without a blanket safely wrapped around her.again.sweet~~..haih.

#6-wardina kept saying why fall in love with a guy y x cukup solat?if he doesnt love his creator to even that slightest bit pon what makes you think he CAN really love you?and i requote her sntnce..="TINGGALKAN DIAAAA".and i agree wiht her so much..espcly whn she said PLease girls.u DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER.at that very moment.i realised my choice was right.true GodTheMostMerciful forgives you anytime you plead.and i know HE still loves me.thats y things happend.alhamdulillah.syukur.:)

kenapa si hamba tergesa2 mencari cinta yang x pasti.x kekal.x mutlak.si hamba begitu jauh mencari.sdgkan cinta hakiki ,cinta robb ,sentiasa berada bersamanya sepanjang waktu?right in front of our eyes.in fact.He is closer to us than our jugular vein( reference to,Qaf :18)

*forgt my monotonous tone and lack of punctuation.typing with a phone is very taxing.lol

smell :)

2010-11-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

touchy touchy~|;

.my disarrayed thoughts.

hahahuhu.i havnt fixd my disc brake yet-i miss home.a bit-i miss having time-miss driving ma and pa out for dinner togther-i'm currently dumbfounded-mixed emotions-thers a list of thgs to do,but i'll have to keep that after finals-my frequent posts are due to study leave pre-exam stress.

cure:

here goes,PERFUME REVIEW.

1)Marine Groove - escada :too sweet that it smells sorta cheap.

2)Diamonds - Beyonce :too strong!

3) Rock Me - Vera Wang : slightly spicy and tingy.

4)Guilty - Gucci : elegant,ladylike smell.

5)5th Style - Elizabeth Arden : very strong at the beginning. acceptable at the end.

6) Bright Crystal - Mariah kari : =_=' sorry.but i dont like the idea of celebrities trying to create their own 'scent'

7)Top - Lacoste :hmm.lacoste has perfumes?

8) Circus fantasy - britney :too strong.

9) Heiress -P.Hilton. : i refuse to say anythg nice.

10) Le Secret - Givenchy: sweet and soft.like it!

11)Tease - P.Hilton :maybe out of bias,i think it smells slightly slutty :0

12) Tresor - Lancome :five stars!

lastly, i got Le Paradise -Nina Ricci for my friend's 19th bdae.

thank god for coffee beans who let me regain my sense of smell! sniffing 30 scents and above does make you dizzy.

*the comments are based on my own preference, no offence please!:)

Last years wishes are these years apologies.

2010-11-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

hello world

i look happy right?excited?super bersemangat.ceria.cheerful.etc etc.

HAHAHA.

ekkkk!.WRONG.

tday, i lost another RM329.95 T___________________________________________T

and i discoverd that i might loose another RM400 T_______________________________T

and the past week, i hav lost 87.95 T____________________________T at WATSONS.

waddehehk!

okayla.memang sengkek giler ryte?bukan MY money as in the one i get out of my titik keringat peluh sendiri kut.but its just that i dont like it,when i loose money(especially when i'm far from parents and lesslimited supply).then again,who does kan?

i just got my myvi serviced today.

the price for a standard se:

sparkplug x 4 =50

balancing n algnmt=45

chamber, fix&adjust = around 60

minyak itam and minyak segala bagai= around 200

cuci enjin (using air, as in udara) =6

cuci body,outside= 5

okay,thers a few more but this is as far as i can rmember, and inclusive of 5% gov tax =

rm329.50

-_-' sighh.

well,about the possibility of loosing another 400 is due to my brake disc bengkok.

call#1

perodua guy : hye.asslmkm.ni cik nabila ke?.ni kereta cik kene blablabala *carries on talking bout car stuff*

me :oh.ok.so brape ye harga?

perodua guy :stakat ni, 260..

call#2

perodua guy : cik xnak cuci enjin ke?enjin kotor sgt ni.

me : err??

perodua guy :alaa.6 ringgit je.sy nampak kotor sgt ni.

me :bolehlah kalo camtu.cuci enjin jek.

PG :lah,kete xnak skali?cuci body,15 hengget jek.

me :*blank* uhhhh..

PG :xdek bezenye.cuci je la.body kreta ni pun saye nampak agak . . .

me(self monologue):'eh eh eh.pegi promote plak kat ak.lpas satu.satu.da la nak kutuk baby ak.hishh.gram!'

me : yelah2 yelah.bt la ape yang patot =_='

PG :okay.baik.trima kasih ye.bye.*bercakap nada victorious*

call#3

perodua guy :sy drive kete cik ni,time break ade rase kureng sket la.sye check2 tgok2 brake disc kene tukalaaaa.

*sweat~* =_='

so,actually,the brake disc wont affect sgt performance. (i guess.at least for a short duration of time)

to fully change myvi se brake disc:

rm120 x 2 PLUS rm80 (breakpad) x 2 = RM400

haha.macam2.important thing is, i learnt sthg new today.

as for the title, its from fall out boy's *inhales deeply* 'im like a lawyer with the way im always trying to get you off' phew!

and true enough,our wants and desires keep on changing.always wanting what is not in reach, what we cant have, kan? for example :

lol.oh.nanti i wanna write about perfume! *excitedexcited!* haha.

*dear blog,please disregard my language for this post.due to the study leave and cramming info right up my cerebrum till it pokes my medulla oblongata i hav lost my negative feedback to stop me from crapping.homaigod i sound so nerdy B)

sentuh. :)

2010-11-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

*hearts* i feel so touched when im with you :)

background song: untouched the veronicas
mood : touchy

yepp.i hav set my hands on the ipod touch 4th gneration and i am in l-o-v-e.
-videocall
-clear camera,HD recording
-SPEAKERS!!(i wont hv to wear earplugs when playing taptap revenge anymore!)
-lightweight,less than the previous one.
-retina display.( tgok movie bleh menitis air mulut.dripdrip..)

painful truth is i dun hav one lagi.ooopsie.forget that last word :D
i just tried my friend's. its the 8gb one.same mem space as my phone, bt impregnated with apps.i unlocked all the songs on taptap on his itouch.reached level 3 k brape ntah.final touch; ipod touch 4th genration, you hav touched me~

when will i touch you again?

when i was seventeen.

2010-10-30T05:26:00.000-07:00

i found this, in my external while i was rummaging through stuff.

i wrote this, a long time ago,and as noted,it was sometime ago during valentines.regardless, my feelings has not changed and evry word is still true. :)

title: Be my valentine?

Its that time of the year again. When love overrules all,so they say,as couples keep on wooing each other,or thinking of ways how to.Staring at my handphone,flicking through pictures, and ashlee wentz’s voice spelling out L-O-V-E on my apple,all I did was let out a sigh.Not too long,not that brief. ‘Another lonely valentine,” I let out, realizing my sister echoing the same sentence,juz before I finished it. “HUH” and our talk was dismissed with that one miserable syllable.

Then, a few days after, I saw this Oprah Show ad. ‘you don’t need sumone you love to celebrate it’,well it sounded something like that.Subsequently,as if the lights from heaven shone on my halo,I snapped out from my fantasies,of having the best boyfriend,and went back into reality.

Everything that matters to me,EVERYone I loved is right in front of me. Loving me unconditionally,supporting me all the way.

Love makes the world go round,and in my life,LOVE IS MY AIR.

One wise gal once said to me “stop looking for love because you’ve got it right in front of you.You’re surrounded by people who love you so why cant you just stop and see that, and love them back,” be in the present.Live in the now.

I'm bestowed by god,such a lovely gift of life. My 17 years on earth was filled with the right amount of bittersweet experiences. First,although Im not like any ordinary skinny,pretty girl, im most thankful that I have all my fingers and toes intact,my limbs are still there,attached to my body.im thankful for that,bcuz some kids, as I see infront of my very own eyes,had their limbs cut off by their masters,so that people will sympathise more and give them money. I don’t have to go from car to car,begging from money,like those kids in Indonesia,who only end up giving all the money to their master just as a trade for a place to sleep in,and food just to fill their growling tummies.Alhamdulillah,wa syukur lillah.

My family is the best.I mean,what kind of dad will agree to me buying one soda top on impulse just like that?And,what kind of mother,offers to splurge on her daughters,with not only occasional shopping sprees,but also,bali getaways,facial treatment and also a spa session?And,its not just about the treats,its about how they show they love me.

this is mama. shes a heavenly angel sent from above <3

I feel like crying everytime I get sick,bcuz my mother will always be there by my side,with a wet towel,offering me to cook anything I wish to eat. She’s the one who’ll be rummaging through the drawer to look for panadol,loratadine or piriton. And when I was 15,and felt like a total looser,with a sucking life,and just about ready to enter great depression, my mom was there. Her words were like the rhythm of the harp,soothing the eras of a roman emperor. It was absorbed right into my soul and gave me new hopes, new dreams.new determination,and new life.

ini PAPA saya dan dia sangat awesome.<3

And although my dad is seldomly around,since his trips to penang and k.l seem to multiply weekly,I know how much he loves me,everytime he tries his lame jokes on me,juz to create a conversation between us. My dad. He knows me more than I know myself,sumtimes. And at the times least expected, he’d dart out words of wisdom, advices on how to live and get on your life. He’d tell us abut the plans he had,how much money he’s been saving in the bank,how much bonds he’d invested,so that when the account is mature,we can use it to buy a brand new BMW.He didn want us to feel beein in a crappy old car with water leaking through the roof, just like what he went through in his early years of marriages. Being the son of a humble paddy man, and helping his mom sell kueh since childhood he has acquainted well with the pain of poverty, and he would do anything,anything so that we would never even have to think about going through it again.

my supercun bb case.HOT and no longer available :D

My one and only sister is like the me I wish I could have been. Yeah,sumtimes she’s too rigid and goes by every rule, regulation and so on. Its normal,I guess, since im d nortorious devil, there’s gotta be one heavenly angel in d family. N so she is. When I sit beside her,pple often confuse us as frens and weirder,twins;despite the fact that im taller,darker and way different from what she looks like. Case is like my girlfriend-boyfriend-sister-mother-friend. One that really spoils me and splurges on me. One dat’ll fall for my “cute puppy eye” every time they shine. One dat lets me drive hectically(but includes a long lecture session after each drive )We used to fight a lot. Constantly infact that it was almost a routine. Banging doors, telling on each other either to ma or pa, and to occasionally practice the silent treatment. There’s still one old photo of me hitting her defenseless body lying on d floor with my small palms(yup,dats me, brutal then, now, and forever).Well.i guess sum dead old mans saying that ‘absence makes d heart grow fonder’ is true. Since we’ve been apart for so long,evrytime she comes back for holidays we’ll be kamcheng like best frens who were separated in primary school. Case does not only listen but speaks her heart out in return. She does not only wipe my tears but she’ll surely replace it with a smile and giggles.she’ll take me to the sky when im ground low,and she’ll bring me back down whenever im too high. This is d person dat shared wif me everything, including the womb we were both contained in.

And my sixteen gaffixs. We are beyond friends,beyond sisters,beyond any other thing dat has limits contained. Eventho we just started to know each other for two years,d fact that we growed into our tween age together made me feel that I’ve known u guys for more than a lifetime. Like,maybe in our past lives. D sleepovers, baking session, gossip zone, jumping in d rain, bed room clubbing, swimming,guy surfing, face scribbling…(it’ll take me all day to list all our activities.). Evry moment with you guys are the sweetest and it will last. This will last.WE will last.and in the future, a stronger force of US will come together and rule d world!!!

Being a sensitive person,crying to p/s I love u and sobbing over a cheesy episode of ugly betty, its not surprising dat my eyes are moistenin while typing this out. I don’t know any other grandiloquent way to end this, but heres wut I’ll say to all d people I love. When I’m gone one day,just remember and know dat,I have never gone though an hour out of d 24 we have per day without loving you. You guys r my life and I dedicate evry breath i took, evry chuckle I snorted, every tear I cried for you. Please know dat ur presence in my life are like angels wif halos leadin me far from astray.these mere three words are still not enough but keep in mind dat it comes from my true heart.

love

you.

Hi there:)

2010-10-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

quote of the day: "sometimes, just by seeing other people happy,i get happy too.especially the ones i love"

(fathin nabilah,malaysia)

tibe2 tangan ni tegerak nak berblog malam ni.dan atas sebab yang tidak tahu kenapa, saya memilih untuk berbahasa melayu malam ni. maaflah, jikalau ia memberi sebarang kesulitan.hakikatnya,sudah lama tidak menghasilkan tuancebisan dalam bahasa melayu.lihat; sampai 'masterpiece' pon diterjemahkan jadi tuancebisan. =-="

rosak,rosaaaak.

mungkin hati ini, terasa a touch of puitis hari ini.thus, penulisan bahasa melayu pun dijalankan.*gosh it sounds so wrong* waktu sekolah dulu, sungguhlah tidak senang bagi diri hamba mendapat markah yang perghghhgh for subjek bm.apatah lagi, dengan peribahasa yang kurangnya, perkataan bombastikebaboww yang sgt limited, it explains all,kan?

anyways, today we alm10-ians (i dunno how to address ourselves so i'll just write this)

just had our bio topic test, topic 7, run for your life.and again, time was the limitting factor.

tomorrow, our clas'll have anther stats test(that i havnt studied for yet!!).

seems that tests are never ending for this trimester.i think it's part of INTEC's effort to make us 'bond more' with tests.

but, sometimes, theres just one point, where its just too much. u hav to stop, close your eyes and take a breath.

theres a list of things i wanted to do,but its pending.and, as i myself know very well,once it enters this state, theres a greater probability of the activities not being carried out at all.

anyhow,two things cheered me up today :)

1.having two scoops of BR at the price of one with great company

2. listening to my new favourite song being played live-in-front-of-my-eyes-live on a rm35k grand piano :)

oh,todays wednesday, so if u turn up with anythg pink, u'll get half price at Baskin Robbins=p

the abang there was absolutely sporting.there were four of us, and heres what we had in pink;

me- an embroidered patch of an inch size,pink flower on my purple top.

chaman- pink purse

mei yi- two pink stripes on her tee

avi- a pink highlighter.

APPARENTLY, a highliter can become an accessory.so we all got half price for our ice cream.LOL.

mine was caramel turtle truffle and citrus sherbet.yumm <3>

i never knew turtles could taste so great!

actually, there were turtles in the ice cream.i'm not kidding.they were hidden very well.

but it was DELiSH! :)

okayyy.before PETA comes in and sues me blatantly, i better tell u the truth.

no worries,i'm not lying.the ice cream did have turtles in it.

CHOCOLATE turtles.LOL!!

and they were freaking cute!!The turtles had truffle in it, thus, explaining the origin of name given :D

i'm not a bad person, and i will NEVER eat a turtle.im against pple who eat turtle and sharkfins. murdering wildlife just to give you gastrointestinal pleasure.SELFISH!

imagine the sharks being skinned and cut. ALIVE, just to obtain their fins and then set free to the see again,in that injured condition.and turtles.scavenging after their eggs.just please for a while, take a second to think how hard it was for the mum to come up shore find a spot and lay eggs.and please keep in mind that out of hundreds off eggs laid,only a minor few will hatch and make their way safely back to the sea.most get eaten up by seaguls before they could even reach the water.and most only survive a few weeks in the sea.

alright.i should make a whole other post for this,cuz i gould go on for like a solid 5000 words more on this.okay nabs.stop deviating.back to main story please~~

where was i?yeah!ice creammycreamme!the citrus sorbet was nice.jus perfect to give my tounge the tinge needed after ravenously scavenging the turtles.:))

citrus twist sorbet!

spontaneous as it was, we had much fun and much much EPOC (excess post-exam obsessive contentment)xD

our next spontaneous trip destination would be Jonkers Street Malacca.;]

oh!1 new discovery i unraveled this aftrnoon.

seems that,today is a wear purple day, it appears.in remembrance of LGBTs who committed suicide.

i wore purple today,and it was just a pure coincidence. It does not prove i am the same wavelength whatsoever.guys out there, I AM STRAIGHT.

free falling

2010-10-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

from her view right now, all she can see are clouds dotting the deep blue sky.like cotton candy, floating in a sweet child's dreams.

She had clouds too.Clouds of her own.

In her life, they were never white and fluffy, not misty, and soft,like the ones god had so beautifully crafted. Clouds of uncertainty always surrounded her.Deception, misery, pain and unworthiness was her sky.

funny.how on this very day she chose to end her life,the sky seemed so beautiful.Why was it,that before, her world was only dark and gloomy?The sky never emitted this calm sweet blue colour before. She took half a step back, only to find herself more sure and comitted to her decision,than ever before.

For the first time in her life, she felt proud. Proud for making the right decision.

She felt worthy. Worthy for this would be the end. She felt free.Not trapped in her web of lies and strings of hopelessness.

Her feet was near the edge of the concrete cliff. "One last step" her voiced quivered under the strong wind.If she let go of the pole in her grasp,the wind might push her down.So, to be in harmonious symphony with the wind, she let go.

She unwinded the scarf around her neck, letting it sail with the wind.She watched it flying away.

And then it was finally her turn, to fly.

Free falling,

She could hear the voice of angels in the wind, and eventhough her eyes were wide shut, the world never seemed brighter.

scribble through the days

2010-10-14T11:09:00.001-07:00

I Enjoy Licking Tiny Sugarpops(;

2010-10-09T03:34:00.001-07:00

IELTS.alryte.thts not what it actually stands for.the abbreviation is for International English Language Testing System.all intec students goin overseas or doin ausmat are required to take it as it is certified worldwide.

well,our batch had our exams last 2 weeks.one three-hour-marathon of listening-reading-writing, and another session for speaking which occupied two consecutive weekends of our sem3 lives.finally, 8th october came.the day the results were to be announced. we were having biology class.but i think no one could fix their attention on the board already.our minds and hearts were only focused towards our ielts results.my classmates were jumping over joy, some got 7,7.5,band 8..in my head, i was like, ‘7.5,7.5please oh god.at least, 7’.i was texting my mther.i didnt check till the very last minute.

and then, the last message made me cry. urgh.gler malu.i hope no one saw.my table mate, hana obviously did though.she was like ‘menyampah nye budak ni.tak check lg pun da nak nangis.i’m sure u’ll do fine lah!’ all my other classmates pun said i’ll do fine.

so finally, i asked my friend to type in my ID and rgstration number on that britishcouncil.gov page. “fathin, congrats!u got band __point__”

syukur alhamdulillah.though i was reluctant to believe it was true,it was.;}syukur.syukur ya Allah.so to those who’ll be takin their IELTS, i suggest u dont take it THAT lightly;

-do some modules, exercises.at least.

-you should listen real careful and really concentrate on the listning part.recordings wont be replayed and the accents can get pretty tricky.careful with symbols and capitalization, one mistake there and your answer will be considered wrong :0

-reading requires thorough understanding.i recommend doing other parts first and the yes,no,not given section,the last. this might need you to read the passage and digest it,a few times. underline sentences which match statements you chose to answer yes and no,just to show that you have proof for ur decision.doing this helps me a lot.

-writing. i only got band 7 for this component.hah.never seem to hit it right.thankfully this time round, task 2 wasnt argumentative or discussive.more onto cause and effect.study well for this part bcuz our lecturers always stress on formats,formats, formats! remember, read the question and answer EVERY single thing stated in it.

for argumentative essays, first introduction paragraph should have ur thesis statement.this is based on the question.paraphrase it, cuz you cant rewrite wht is given.state ur stand in the last line,whether you agree or not.

then,move to prgrph 2: point nmbr 1,pargrph 3: point nmber 2, paragraph 4: opponents' view & refutation.

eg: some might think that blogging is a waste of time.Reason being, it causes addiction, is a major source of language pollution, and is a total invasion of privacy. I totally disagree with all this because blogging keeps u motivated to write and is a channel supporting freedom of speech. Language pollution only happens if the writers choose not to discipline themselves. Addiction, is only a problem to those who do not comprehend the meaning of restriction and time management.

bold text 1, is the opponents view.followed by reasons why they think so.bold text 2 is the refutation, along with points and elaboration.

discussion, involves discussing both views equally.not being lopsided on any halves.our lecturer always reminds us to clearly state the thesis statement which does not have any clear stand,unlike argumentatve.and closing paragraph might be your suggestion, conclusion or summary, followed by your stand. i never could write well, cuz im so used to just write my heart out, taking no consideration of formats and thought organization: BAD.

-speaking. its easy,as questions are more on thoughts and opinions.not too focused on current issues or anythg that requires sharp analytical skills.tips ; dont talk too fast, smile a lot, please,make sense when you talk.use the two minutes you have to prepare for your topic card by writing points you wish to elaborate. You can pause but not for long.pandai2 lah cover :P whatever you blurt out,be confident.like ‘man, i know wht i’m talking about and no one can stop me’. [thumbs up for positive attitude.AHAH!]i think thats about it.

any questions on enquiries feel free to contact the writer.if you buy her a cuppa hazelnut coffee, theres a greater chance she’ll reply and give you the answer you’re looking for*laugh out loud*=)

cheers!

The Only Regret

2010-10-01T09:48:00.001-07:00

The Only ~~Exception~~ Regret

the only thing i regret from loving you and letting you love me in return is knowing one thing.

you didnt love me enough.

not enough to change who you are, in order to become someone better.

i failed to make u realize the true meaning.beyond infatuation,beyond having mutual feelings.

love is sacrifice.endurance.beautiful.motivation.

love is a lesson.

but to u, it seems that love was just mere plain feelings,the three words,phone calls and nothing more.

you didnt change for me.you didnt even try to become a better man for me.despite the promises.

which turn out to be only words.

if you only knew,how easy it would be to show me how you feel.its more than words.

it was foolish of me to ever believe you.but i cant blame my love for being so strong till it blinds my eyes and blurrs my thinking. i believe in you.I still do.it was your words that shouldnt have trusted.

i loved the way it hurts, and i loved the way you lied, because that was what i wanted to hear from you,to fit in my perfect illusion of 'us'.

truth is, you never loved me enough.and thats the one thing i regret.

no regrets.

2010-09-26T11:44:00.001-07:00

i’m currently (almost) obsessed with teenage dream by katy perry ryte now.i’ve hav tyler wards’s and boyce avenue’s cover safely stored in my phone and my day feels nearly complete when i hear either versions of it.

as seen, the lyrics was solely inspired from the aforementioned song. shot in malacca border.tools of trade;d90 and cs2.

take a chance,dont ever look back baby.

enjoy(:

wishlist.WISH je.

2010-09-26T11:08:00.001-07:00

okay.this is just a list.people write list.so im writing a WISH list.it’s a list of things u wish, which u might not ever get, never in your ~~wettest~~ wildest dream.

:) its what i,wish for.a cant see a shooting star, nor can i pretend an airplane coughing up carbon in the air as one, so, this is a more environmentally friendly way to express my,…err..desires?..wants?..i’ll stick with the term wish.:]

nikon d90 wireless rmote control .

versace bright yellow.

The mar, marc jacobs, in emerald green <3 <3 <3

olivia harris tubular bag :)

fossil free bird.

no more.:)

my wish comes in small packages, good, ryte? (: :)

and when the world falls down~

2010-09-24T23:28:00.001-07:00

i dunno why,but sumhow;

my inspiration,my motivation,my strength.

my papa.

50 years old,father of two, fighter, yet, the greatest lover and carer.

Raised in a family, where selling kueh and ploughing the paddy field, became his routine,he stilled pulled through tough and rough.he often told me about the days where he had to put plastic over his white school shoes to avoid them from getting dirty when he passes the ‘bendang’ (paddy field) to school.sometimes, he laughes looking at me all consumed with gadgets and all, bcuz back then his entertaiment was a rubber band. it’s amazing to think of what he has gone through.his childhood, his teen years not to mention the times at his university, where he had to hav debt notes with the ‘makcik cafe’.then later, in successfully raising our family. giving us all he can, always putting his needs on hold.and even now in the working environment, he has to go through difficult times, due to the sabotages by some relentless people. i just dont get these people sometimes.why cant you just slet other people achieve the success they deserve, and just be happy for them instead of scheming plans and making up rumours to watch them fall. karma comes around, baby.in the end, u’ll be the one left in tears.

however, its amazing.its bewildering that he knows me more than anyone.it leaves me puzzled when he knows abt evrythg i do,even stuff i’ve never spoke to him of before.well,he gets me.guess its just some paternal intuition.

i just went thru a hell of a week;meeting deadline of assignments and reports, cathcing up with my studies that i think i am truly lagging in, work that continue to pile higher than the himalayan mountains, tests and more tests to come, and IELTS just now, which was miserably horrendous.

mushy as it may seem, after looking at pics of my daddy, and just thinking about him and what he has gone through, gives me strength again.a lot of people comment that i am most like my dad. be it physical features, nor personality.so, i’m hoping,i’ll turn out like him too.insyaAllah.

insyaAllah, i will try my bestest, i will push myself, for the times to come.no will never be an option. i wont stick around to watch myself go down.even when the world falls down,my daddy’ll be there fr me:’)

and now, with strength and my everlasting faith, i, will rise!baby steps dear,baby steps (:

typical is not me.

2010-09-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

or am i typical?

emo or cheerful?

too overboard or too quite?

sometimes, i think.and i wonder how pple think of me.what i seem to be, from their eyes.

i’m normal hee.with just a streak of insanity sometimes. :)

oh, and newsflash : i have a friggin ZIT.it friggin hurts. ><

the end~

things happen for a reason~

2010-09-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

as i was sitting in my crammed middle seat, 29E, airbus AK5294,in the immediate darkness that surrounded me, a thought came up to my mind,bringing with it a single tear of reminiscence;

things happen for a reason.always.god has planned it so well.

but sometimes ,the reason being,is just the sake of happening.

yesterday, i woke up to normality.getting dressed in my kurung, pretty late for class, but just before i stepped out,i notice my car keys were nowhere to be found.that is UN NORMAL.

i searched everywhere,d table,d cupboard,inside bags,and inside every possible pocket.but results were null.i was panicking,frantically.

my two friends who were suppose to go class with me ended up being late.and my dearest classmate/mengarut-together-friend, who was on her usual path to the bustop for class,also stopped at level three,room 1/319 akasia.chaman helped me rummage thru my whole house,while afiqah retraced my steps all the way to my car in search of the keys. while lily was just being there, thinking of possibilities and solutions,calming me down all at the same time.

30 minutes flew away,and we were surely late for mr.Mano's morning biology class.so,i said sorry to them,'lets just go to class, i'll continue searching after we get back from our chem test'

the bus ride, was awful.not bcuz of the bus,but beacuse i felt a deep pit forming inside my stomach, thoughts raced through my little neurons.

worst case scenario: i come home to the spot where i parked my car,and find it not there.the person who found the carkeys tried unlocking every possible car nearby,found the correct one,and drove away immediately.

the expression i had on my face, i think everyone could tell that this was not one of my best days.after calling my mom and telling her what happened, the phone conversation ended, with me wiping away a few droplets of water that managed to make its way from my eyes to my chubby cheeks.

in class, my state of mind could be a photographical resemblance to a scribbled,tangled, knot.

afiqah was textg me,to see how i was.and the last text was:'beb,alhamdulillah.ur keys are with Carol'.

immediately,my mood took a u-turn. just by chance, the fate God had precisedly arranged, my keys were found.afiqah was just on a normal phone chat with her mum that morning. And it just occured to her, to tell her mom about my lost keys,and how we were going to deal with it, having to rush for our flight later that night and all the trouble and hassle our clueless souls would have to go through. my friend, carol who was nearby, overheard it,and quickly came up with the keys she found in front of akasia bus stop yesterdy. is this it? she said.

it surely was IT.

~case solved~

yes. i learn from experience.i learn from every single mistake i keep on making.i dont know why, but thats just the way my life works... i guess.

what happened today, just made me realise how lucky i am. to have friends that love me and care for me. who would stayback, calm me down.who wont mind going late for class, or getting a penalty. who would involve themselves in my problem, who would share my burden.

it takes this to happen to make me see, how blessed i truly am.

and how things that other people were searching for all over the world for all their life, was just right infront of my very eyes.

and for that, everything happens for a reason :)

never.a.boring.story

test market

Resurgence

Detachment.

again.

new chapter,new beginning

random conversation. *true story.

tell me, is this just a phase?

I cant say goodbye.

like whoa!

I have a big C****

figure it out :D

how to's ; a bunch of definitive guides.

Alhamdulillah~ one step closer?

salutes to you..

RM1k face towel.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops.

anxiety

5.1 années merveilleuses, mon papa, mon héro

Epic.

Have you signed the royal guestbook?

and after all..

sigh.

Remember this.plant it strong in your mind.

are we old enough?or are we young and free?

i am no longer PRO...

comeback.

Ice Inside Her Soul

chill out?

Letih Driving Taw=..=

Belated.

Anonymous

eat pray love

oh, will you help me please?

highlights of her fortnight.

needing some endorphines.

Lagenda Budak Setan

That Girl.

Hardships and frustation.

what I do to let it out.

01-01-2011

NabilahRashid

F(A)ITH.Alhamdulillah.

The Bacteria Days arent Gone

Daisy(;

High high*sighhhh*

tribute:GossipGirl

obsession log.#1

Miss Dior Cherie

gg season 4 episode 11

route to the airport.

letting emotions run through the nerves to the keyboard.letting her heart out of it's cage.

and it's been a while now.

sunway= awesome!! :)

cinta pakai buang.

smell :)

Last years wishes are these years apologies.

sentuh. :)

when i was seventeen.

Hi there:)

free falling

scribble through the days

I Enjoy Licking Tiny Sugarpops(;

The Only Regret

no regrets.

wishlist.WISH je.

and when the world falls down~

typical is not me.

things happen for a reason~

High highsighhhh